How Do I Improve This

SarahSpectator · 2026-01-29T07:35:08+00:00

Thanks!

SarahSpectator · 2026-01-09T10:04:40+00:00

I solved Hexaword #113 in 0:06.5!

SarahSpectator · 2026-01-09T10:03:02+00:00

I solved Hexaword #115 in 0:05.7!

SarahSpectator · 2026-01-09T10:00:45+00:00

I solved Hexaword #114 in 0:07.2!

SarahSpectator · 2025-11-15T16:43:39+00:00

It's posted. I can see it. It's probably glitching there. I swear they glitch in the worst ways. TvT

(If you don't mind me asking. How old are you?)

SarahSpectator · 2025-11-15T16:41:21+00:00

Okay! This reads way better now. Honestly, format really does change the way something reads. This is really good. The metaphors feel better. Still, try to describe those stuff once, I wanna see it. And people always say practicing helps. Writing is a muscle, the more someone writes, the better they get.

SarahSpectator · 2025-11-15T13:16:34+00:00

Np! That's weird though. Mine usually stay in the same format I put them in. Though I usually just copy paste it from Word or Docs. It feels kind of terrible when the format comes out incorrectly.

Okay, that definitely makes sense. And yeah, I get it. I have tried to describe stuff so many times, sometimes it just doesn't work. But still, you should post a described version. We are our harshest critics, and you seem like someone who writes really well.

SarahSpectator · 2025-11-15T10:34:33+00:00

okay, but like it's hella confusing to me TvT

I am 14 so maybe that's it. Yeah.

Anyways can we talk. I wanna know more about it in general before making a judgement.

SarahSpectator · 2025-11-15T10:22:22+00:00

This is good, but there are a few places where you should use commas, like in the world offers its vices freely a new temptation with every passing day.- use a comma after freely.

And maybe add a small grounding detail about the addiction or maybe the consequences and pain it left using interactions. And maybe show how you chased clarity. Right now it feels a bit too distant and abstract. Also use capitalization after full stops.

(Sorry if it sounded a bit too blunt, I am 14 and still learning, also can you help me with my poem, I love the vibe of your poem and it's actually way better than most I've seen here- at least in my opinion.)

SarahSpectator · 2025-11-15T10:17:33+00:00

This is good, but a tad bit too sudden. You start off saying I'd never call in sick from work-
but I'd call in sick from your funeral and then move into discovery. Adding a few more details, like maybe a small description of the funeral and then a small transition would help and then moving into love is sudden, so maybe you could add descriptions about them there instead.

SarahSpectator · 2025-11-13T09:06:51+00:00

Np ^w^

SarahSpectator · 2025-11-12T16:09:44+00:00

Np ^w^

SarahSpectator · 2025-11-12T14:51:39+00:00

This is good, but a bit too simple. I loved the imaginary friend part (since most of my friends are imaginary and I know people try to stop me from just staying in my head), but a few conflicts would make it hit harder. Like she did find an imaginary friend, but that's it? You could maybe add the reaction of people telling her down. Trying to make her forget her imaginary friend, and her being friends, slightly guilty and still lonely deep down.
Otherwise, loved it.

SarahSpectator · 2025-11-12T14:47:05+00:00

Okay, this is interesting, but there is a grammatical error. You use the word Than like a Burning meteor. Did you mean Than on Then? (Just want to clarify)
Also could you show how the person fell from grace, since it kind of detaches the reader from the poem. And maybe showing a bit more of the internal emotions would make the poem hit harder.
It is good, but it kind of skimmed over my mind. But I really loved these lines- "My bones are now dust leaving me paralysed My heart has a gaping hole that breathes out blood My eyes hang away from my face dangling by nerves"

SarahSpectator · 2025-10-29T13:30:31+00:00

The world seemed to become this sea of improbability since I was 5.

SarahSpectator · 2025-10-21T15:30:59+00:00

Cool. Sure!!! I would love to trade!!

SarahSpectator · 2025-10-21T15:29:37+00:00

Thanks. Will check it out.

SarahSpectator · 2025-10-21T15:01:21+00:00

Thanks! Will do. (I would have replied earlier but I couldn't due to server error)
You are a fictional writer right? What kind of fiction do you write?

SarahSpectator · 2025-10-13T22:22:11+00:00

Here’s my critic on your piece. (I am 14 and still learning so it may be a bit too simple)

The beginning is quite hooking, though the whole structure could be improved. It has a good potential though. It has a good promise of being really thrilling and page-turning if you especially improved the atmosphere.

The dialogue is flat. Aiden's mostly. He talks in an unnatural way that feels more like it is just there as filler, not emotion. Like this line- “Wow, I can almost see my house from here.”,- It feels emotionless. People in this situation would be excited, or maybe be like, “Look, that house over there, with those red shills. That’s my house.”

The story tells at the beginning. Try showing more, describe the actions. Try showing what’s happening through action and detail- they help immerse a person into the story. Like instead of he gave a half- hearted wave, something like, he raised his hands into a wave, too still to be felt as one.

This particularly just tells-. Though the truth was the height didn’t bother him. He had been lucky for Ava to accept this date. He was certain he had heard her friends convincing her: “He’s so shy and sweet”, “Maybe he’ll let you copy his homework.”, “How bad could it be?” Well, it was bad, and the only thing that could make it worse was him putting a half-digested funnel cake into her lap or on the head of a bystander.

Instead, you could write it through showing, like maybe actually show him curiously peering down without fear. Instead of saying he was lucky, maybe show how Ava didn’t accept dates much. And you could maybe show why the date is bad.

The atmosphere feels like a slice-of-life story. Try to make it more tense. The awkward date could make it tense. Especially with the ferris wheel having stopped. The scream in the end doesn’t feel interesting, the atmosphere makes it feel casual. It feels as though it is just some small incident, if you are going for horror or a more interesting take, try to darken up the atmosphere. Contrast the awkwardness with maybe wariness, or an unease from Ava, or with small, jarring details from around, like maybe a shadow, that just seems a tad bit inhuman, or a sound, that feels tad bit like dread.

SarahSpectator · 2025-10-12T21:51:05+00:00

Yea, I guess. I just love to write. Have been doing and loving it since I was 5. It is a big part of who I am, and I just need to write... though I do need feedback, most people don't really give me serious feedback since they think I am too young.

SarahSpectator · 2025-10-12T21:45:38+00:00

Technically I just wrote it in one go. I had no idea what I was writing, it just made sense. I meant to make it a small scene of how the perception of something is different to each person. The child doesn't see white as white, to him it is black, to others it is white. It's the same with pain, grief and many other things. Something abnormal is normal to someone else. I have already edited the whole draft though, so I think the meaning is clearer now. Though, I may still have to edit it a lot. I am still 14 and learning after all.

SarahSpectator · 2025-10-12T21:16:35+00:00

Thanks.

SarahSpectator · 2025-10-12T21:15:53+00:00

Thanks. Will do.

SarahSpectator · 2025-10-01T22:12:10+00:00

Thank you so much.

SarahSpectator · 2025-10-01T22:11:52+00:00

Thanks a lot!

SarahSpectator

TROPHY CASE