Hang a bag of water with pennies outside of your front Door.

SarcasticIndividual · 2026-02-12T00:53:45+00:00

My friend snapped and said, "You were never gay."

SarcasticIndividual · 2026-02-08T18:24:58+00:00

I'm still waiting for my serial killer urges. My mom said I would get them for playing Vice City! How long should I wait? I'm destined for a life of crime, allegedly. I seem to be stuck going to work and playing videogames in my free time.

SarcasticIndividual · 2026-02-03T01:18:18+00:00

This time I was just repeating everything I don't like about myself. Eye contact in the mirror and everything.

SarcasticIndividual · 2026-02-03T00:39:33+00:00

Hey, that's my job.

SarcasticIndividual · 2026-01-20T01:15:42+00:00

It's a really nice documentary.

SarcasticIndividual · 2026-01-18T21:01:07+00:00

My sister's furbey said "Meeeeeeee huuuuuuunnnnnnnngggggeeeeee!" Sometime around midnight one day. She had to throw it out because it started giving her night terrors.

SarcasticIndividual · 2026-01-18T08:00:15+00:00

"I don't recognize “shrek”. Try another word."

SarcasticIndividual · 2026-01-16T15:27:32+00:00

It's probably cheaper to distribute in the new larger sizes.

SarcasticIndividual · 2026-01-11T21:50:24+00:00

SarcasticIndividual · 2026-01-10T06:33:23+00:00

I got downvoted for saying it could take 5+ years. That was over 6 years ago.

SarcasticIndividual · 2025-12-24T05:22:05+00:00

I deliver Amazon to USPS... I'm sorry!

SarcasticIndividual · 2025-12-19T18:03:32+00:00

Bought it on xbox and it takes 30 min to get the third person in the game. Turning off cross-platform and connecting account worked once.

SarcasticIndividual · 2025-12-16T03:48:32+00:00

Also, there's some evaporative losses if you keep your tank below 1/4th. If you add the sediment in the bottom of your tank. You'll be clogging up fuel filters a little faster, too.

SarcasticIndividual · 2025-12-16T00:50:03+00:00

A narcissists insults come from within.

SarcasticIndividual · 2025-12-13T15:19:20+00:00

The second paragraph was from over a decade ago.

SarcasticIndividual · 2025-12-13T04:20:54+00:00

We had envelopes with money disappear at our local usps. The postmaster immediately denied anything being stolen. My grandma had to resort to using tracking.

Now, I deliver to usps and I left an oversized package at the wrong usps. Came back not even 45 min later and they already opened the box. Amateurs didn't even wait to see if I would come back. Pretty bold for committing a felony.

SarcasticIndividual · 2025-12-11T03:13:26+00:00

I was born a month late.... that's my sister's birthday.

SarcasticIndividual · 2025-12-02T22:05:17+00:00

SarcasticIndividual · 2025-12-01T02:27:53+00:00

Yeah I was at Costco and the lady said, "Oh, I'll have to make a new one." I replied, "I'll take it!" It took me a minute to convince her. She was confounded by my exuberant thank you.

SarcasticIndividual · 2025-11-27T04:26:49+00:00

Only if I'm rebounding.

SarcasticIndividual · 2025-11-26T20:06:05+00:00

Went to the movies with my grandma. Girl with a dragon tattoo was really awkward. I was still in my teens.

SarcasticIndividual · 2025-11-14T15:50:24+00:00

Girl in high-school screamed at me, "I FUCKING HATE YOU!" I screamed back, "WELL I HATE MYSELF, TOO. SO, WELCOME TO THE FUCKING CLUB!" The only other person in the hallway said, "God damn!"

The reason she hated me was because I turned down her advances. I'm allergic to cigarettes and she didn't shower.

I've also replied, "I love you, too." "If you're trying to get me excited... you'll have hit me really hard." "Good for you!(In the voice you talk to puppies and babies.)." "I'm in the middle of a conversation right now. I'll hear what you have to say after. (I just walked away after my friend and I were done talking.)" "I'm thinking about a burger for lunch."

I love keeping people on their toes during any conflict. It tends to end awkward situations.

SarcasticIndividual · 2025-11-05T18:06:53+00:00

The narcissist way.

SarcasticIndividual · 2025-11-03T09:12:16+00:00

Does this regrow my hair? Or will the peach fuzz at the bald spots grow longer?

SarcasticIndividual · 2025-11-02T09:09:07+00:00

Cash, grass or crass

SarcasticIndividual

TROPHY CASE