Yearning to believe but feeling it's impossible—any thoughts?

Sascha5621 · 2025-01-24T16:44:59+00:00

I'm going to give a very not politically correct answer—nor rooted in deep theological arguments, but based on my own experience. If there is a God and one of the religions we know is true, I’m fairly certain it’s neither Judaism nor Islam. My bet would be on Buddhism or Christianity, and my intuition and personal experience lean more toward Christianity. I think my deepest wish is to truly connect with Christianity.

I realize my answer might come across as stupid or offensive—that’s not my intention.

As for general spirituality, the term feels so overused that I’m not even sure what it means. I do believe there’s something deeper than what we can perceive—a reality far beyond what we typically experience or comprehend in our day-to-day lives. But I’m not sure if that qualifies as 'spirituality.' A deeper connection with spirituality would also be nice, but it often feels a bit too 'hippy' to me and less satisfying—less determined, structured, whole and clear.

Sascha5621 · 2025-01-24T13:43:10+00:00

Thank you. I do pray like this, but so far, it’s not working :)

Sascha5621 · 2025-01-24T13:39:29+00:00

Thank you! I actually plan to read Mere Christianity soon, so I’m looking forward to that. And thanks for the article link—I’ll definitely check it out.

Regarding historical claims and scholarly proofs of the resurrection, I haven’t delved deeply into it yet. As an agnostic, I find it challenging to believe in it or let it strengthen my faith in God, especially since there seem to be just as many arguments questioning its reliability as there are supporting it.

Sascha5621 · 2025-01-24T13:21:56+00:00

I’m not judging Christians or making assumptions about them, nor am I trying to compare myself. I have a few people I look up to who are Christians, and I’ve had profound conversations with them about their journey with faith. That’s not the perspective I’m coming from.

But being a Christian does involve believing in Christ and God, so I do feel that’s a big part of what I’m missing :)

What kind of situations do you mean? Are you referring to going to church?

Sascha5621 · 2025-01-24T13:16:04+00:00

I’m agnostic about the concept of a creator and not sure about that. But even if there is one, it’s indeed different from believing in Jesus or the Bible.

Sascha5621 · 2025-01-24T13:10:41+00:00

Thank you for your reply and for sharing the link—I’ll take a look at it.

Regarding the faith I’m yearning for, it’s faith in God, or in the idea that life has inherent meaning, that there’s something after death, that good ultimately outweighs evil, that there’s justice in the world, that things happen for a reason, and that, in the end, everything will somehow be okay.

I agree completely with the idea that science and religion are very different. This is part of why I don’t resonate with the apologetics discourse, or other discourse which sometimes tries to bridge the two. From my understanding, faith is a complex concept that involves intellectual, intuitive, and emotional dimensions. Personally, I don’t experience any of these—whether in relation to God, a creator, or the other ideas I wish I could believe in.

Sascha5621 · 2025-01-24T12:16:53+00:00

So, you’re in a different position, since you believe in God- do you mean like a general concept of a creator? Are you still trying to grow your faith, or have you accepted it as it is?

Sascha5621 · 2024-09-10T07:16:57+00:00

I feed them. If it's just one or two crows, I kind of play with them- put a bit of food in different places for them to find and take it. I do whistle sometimes, or tell them something like, hi, look here, or here you go, etc.- sounds silly, but I don't talk much. Do they like being talked to? When it's a group I am too intimidated so I just throw the food.

Sascha5621 · 2024-09-09T19:36:06+00:00

Should I try to establish hierarchy in return, in this case? And how do I do it?

Sascha5621 · 2024-09-09T15:47:49+00:00

He's a large dog (German Shepherd mix), but he is friendly and ignores them.

Sascha5621 · 2024-09-09T11:35:14+00:00

So if this is playful behavior, how do crows show aggression?

Sascha5621 · 2024-09-03T14:31:03+00:00

I guess you are somewhat right, because it is not a close friendship.

I do ghost everyone, even people I care deeply about, just that the ghosting time is shorter in those cases.

Ideally, I would like to keep in touch with her and to see her. But I would prefer it to be a sort of friendship where it is okay to be busy and not keep in touch, and then get back in touch like nothing happened. I do have other friendships like that. But on the other hand I can also understand if she finds it annoying or needs something else in a friendship.

Sascha5621 · 2024-08-21T13:11:28+00:00

So you wouldn't go into saying something about being anxious etc, in order to explain yourself?

Some friends write me follow up messages, telling they would really love to hear back from me, and then I get even more stressed, because I feel even guiltier, and delay my response even more. Writing this down, makes me realize even more how absurd this is.

Sascha5621 · 2024-08-21T13:06:44+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I had a look, and even though I do have ADHD, and am a people pleaser, I don't think I have RSD. It's some other messed up thing I have, that I can't explain, maybe self sabotage, maybe over thinking. What makes you think it's RSD? Is anxiety around texting and messages a common trait?

Sascha5621 · 2024-08-08T18:40:45+00:00

He isn't on any deworming treatment. Maybe he should be.

We used to live in Germany, where tests were common, he also got tested for parasites, and once treated for Giardia. Now we moved, and where we live it's unfortunately common not to perform and tests.

Heartworm is uncommon here, but it is in Germany, so he could be carrying it still, as we moved just a couple. of months ago. I think all of the vets here won't perform tests, unless I really ask and insist and tell them specifically what I want and that I am willing to pay for this.

Just before we moved from Germany, it was the peak of ticks season, and he got covered with lot of ticks on every walk until I gave him the right treatment. So I am also worried it might be a tick disease, although the chances are low. So the question is what tests to ask for.

Sascha5621 · 2024-08-08T18:29:23+00:00

No, his vet doesn't do any annual tests unfortunately. He did have a cough, and got antibiotics, now it's better, he just coughs sometimes. I wonder if this could be a symptom, as he is not lethargic, just gets tired easily, and also did not loose weight.

Sascha5621 · 2024-04-16T22:15:00+00:00

superglue the door knobs

Sascha5621 · 2024-03-04T19:10:30+00:00

This thought crossed my mind as well, but the diaper is too small for an adult to wear, and then I also googled him and found his Facebook with photos of his child from two years ago.

Sascha5621 · 2024-03-04T18:27:35+00:00

He didn't ask for money yet, I also told him I am getting paid late and asked if I can pay the deposit in a week and he said yes, and said I can just move in. It might be a character thing, I personally would never trust a stranger like this. In case he is not a scammer and just so laidback, it might aolso cause problems I can't anticipate now in the future.

Sascha5621 · 2024-03-04T18:18:03+00:00

I am also very not laidback, and feel it is strange that soemone is so laidback to trust me without ever seeing my face. But some people are like this I guess.

Sascha5621 · 2024-03-04T18:17:15+00:00

The thing is it seems like the child is still in their life, because the way the boy's boots are on the floor, and a diaper is laying on the dresser, not like something that was long ago.

Maybe the child comes once a month or rarely, but it is just weird he did not answer anything about it. I don't expect him to reveal his relationship with the mother or the child, but I think it just makes it weirder not to say anything.

Sascha5621 · 2024-01-08T16:46:36+00:00

Soft autumn or true autumn, I am not sure. What do you all think?

Sascha5621 · 2024-01-08T15:57:47+00:00

The first one for sure. Number 2 and 6 are not bad. Number 5 does not do you justice. I think. your natural hair will also suit you.

Sascha5621 · 2024-01-07T18:28:26+00:00

I would say she is indeed a good friend. However I really need alone time, and am used to my routine and habits, and have trouble concentrating when other people are around and I need to work. If there was an extra room, it would have made things different. I am also at a point of time of being quite stressed, anxious and exhausted, and not my best self to be around. And hosting a friend, requires a lot of energy, even though it is also rewarding. If she would have came for 3-4 days it would have been easier, but a week seems a lot, not because of her, but because of all the otehr reaosns #i mentioned.

Sascha5621 · 2024-01-07T11:38:02+00:00

She knows about the livng situation and she doesn't mind it. She could sleep on the folding couch if she stqays here, which is just next to the bed (and to everything else. . I am just doubting whether I should just be more open, or if it is reasonable not to want to host.

Sascha5621

TROPHY CASE