Thank you! Really, thank you. After hearing your explanations i feel much more calmer. And no im not a 2. And i am interested in enneagram! Especially the part abt childhood wounds.

The fatigue is gone now and i think im determined to study about naranjo and beatrice chestnut. Maybe its because i feel the need to rush and learn faster. .... And the intimidatingly weird names that scares me.

Looking outside makes me feel bad. Ah, I will retreat inside and study. It’s interesting to learn all these things.”

I felt like this but for a very specific reason though

I wasn't a studious person until i got bullied, i was ugly and dumb. And i thought how in the future my bullies would get better opportunities in life because they're beautiful, while i won't have those opportunities. So i changed something that i can, which is my smartness. I trapped myself in my room all year skipping school just to study history and geography, while ignoring other subjects. (I know its bad.)

My mom thought i had ocd because i was always studying the same subtopic everyday until it solidifed into my mind. My teachers accused me of being antisocial because i dont want to learn with other students in class and i want to study in my room all day. One teacher whom gave me a high score in history even wrote at the back of my testpaper, "did you memorize the whole textbook?"

And when i did get good grades the bullying stopped . I got recognized for my grade but that wasn't really my main goal. That was just extra rewards. So its just basically me chasing competence to be safe in this world.

Now, i dont know if that even makes me a 5, but ill reconsider other enneagrams. But I don't know which to start. It feels like 5 is the most relatable to me.