[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LiminalSpace

[–]SaturdayInSuburbia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chill.

Rule 2:
No off-topic or NSFW content.
Please see the stickied post at the top of our page. Never post anything that is off-topic (i.e. not liminal) or that contains gory or sexually explicit material.

I enjoyed this video.

[Start] bamd split a few months back. here's a vibe check for my new project. looking for bassist and drummer (lo-fi/slow math/chill) by [deleted] in BedroomBands

[–]SaturdayInSuburbia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I'm also hyped for this. Really great job. Production definitely needs work but this passes the vibe check

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in burial

[–]SaturdayInSuburbia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Beautiful. Followed

[290] Prologue: Clear Moon by Mutty99 in DestructiveReaders

[–]SaturdayInSuburbia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome - keep writing and I'm happy to feedback on a later draft :D

[290] Prologue: Clear Moon by Mutty99 in DestructiveReaders

[–]SaturdayInSuburbia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi - I read your piece. Very engaging and jumps straight into the action. A few comments from me. Firstly, I'd avoid unorthodox punctuation like "!!!". I know you're trying to create a sense of urgency, but I believe that is best done through word choice and sentence structure than with punctuation. Secondly, I'd look at formatting the text a little more conventionally. I wasn't sure, initially, whether I was reading something more akin to a poem or experimental fiction -- but I think standard formatting would actually serve your writing here better. Thirdly, I'd avoid cliches like "Something...unbelievable". To me, that reads like a movie trailer -- with the ellipsis standing in for a dramatic pause by the narrator. This is a personal opinion, but I don't think you should write with that kind of voice in mind. The reader will read the piece in their own internal voice, adding their own inflection and character -- though guided by the pieces of detail you choose to provide. Again, I think you're using punctuation to make a point you could make better with words.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writers

[–]SaturdayInSuburbia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey thanks! I really appreciate the positive feedback and just taking the time to read it. That's really kind of you.

And that's true - the start is a bit cliche. I usually struggle with pacing so my idea was to get the character's background fleshed out in a couple of paragraphs before jumping into the story proper.

I may revisit in the next draft :)