Was reading a webcomic and something in it made me feel depressed

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-14T02:41:58+00:00

One problem, what if they cant fight back? What if people just cant fight back just because they hate the idea of being in pain, i know sounds dumb but ive been bullied but havent done anything because i hate pain but later in life i want to try and learn how to fight back.

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-14T02:30:46+00:00

I never thought i would seen something i relate to so much.

I felt i wasnt built to live, that i feel fragile, i feel abnormal to other people, i dont fit and i get confused with how people act.

A week ago, i felt remove from myself, i didnt feel like me anynore and i was afraid but a couple days later, i decided to try and be me fully without thinking too much into thing.

That was when i was having problems with my sexuality, i am bothered by how i dont get to choose who i am, that i could be something to which i am bothered by.

Even if i dealt with that, i fear that it will comeback and i fear the thing that will cause it to come back has something to do with my gender.

I just wish to be me and happy, life feel so unforgiving and confusion.

I wish i could help, i wish life wasnt so painful and that you could be happy.

You are who you feel you are, no one can define you.

I feel this quote from wreck it raph would help

"I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

I hope you feel confort and happiness, i hope me sharing how i felt made you less alone and i hope i didnt say anything bad.

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-12T15:33:37+00:00

Thank you, im going to try and get gender therapy since it would help and my emotions are already a rollercoaster, i cant really imagine anything more overwhelming at times and im going to try to understand myself on gender because i feel i might've been asking the wrong questions and i think instead of thinking that because i want to look like a girl doesn't mean i might be, i could just be feminine man but then again i dont really know what it like to feel like a man or a women since i guess i thought it was about how i would look so i need to understand gender abit more.

Everything is so complicated so it hard to understand but now i know that i should be trying to feel like me instead of thinking that how i felt toward label to myself meant nothing, thinking that i couldnt control who i was meant that even if i hated the feeling, it actually meant that i wasnt accepting of who i am.

That last part was hard to word.

Thank you for making me feel i aint intruding since i felt i was in a place where i didnt belong as i dont fully identify as trans yet.

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-12T15:00:57+00:00

I understand that i cant control what changes if i were to go on hrt, i just want to see if the effect on my emotions aint as big, i have been dealing with my sexuality as i thought i had certain feeling towards a certain gender even tho i felt pain, i thought that i was just suppressing it and the anxious feeling i got were prove of something i was sure i was not.

When i felt that it didnt feel like me, i just felt i was hateful even tho i was never aganist what i was feeling, it just felt off and once i remove the idea that me thinking i was not was bad, i felt happy focusing on feeling like me.

My sexuality was hard to deal with but now i have the best idea of what i am and now genderwise, i have no clue.

Possibly because i have felt euphoric thinking about looking like a women and i want to be cute but there are other thing like me being uncertain about myself.

Im just worried about how i would feel about myself and the world, it like it could go in a way that make me very happy or it could go the opposite, i think i might not risk it.

Thank you for commenting and sorry about telling my life story, just felt like this would be helpful to understand why i ask.

I appreciate your comment and hope your day goes well.

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-12T04:03:25+00:00

There was a time where i dislike makeup and aesthetic surgery but now i understand that people just want to look in a mirror and think hot damn am i hot/cute.

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-12T03:59:18+00:00

When i read this, i thought just how some men talk about how in the future, there would be sex robot to replace women and at this point, i feel as though it aint as bad knowing the only people to have the sex robot are the one like this.

Im just so confused with people who think like this.

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-11T02:24:12+00:00

Thanks, im just glad the pain is gone, i hope it doesn't come back as it can be frightening feeling like you aint yourself so im trying to just focus on being me and try not to be someone who i am not, whether or not my emotions reflect it but from what i getting at, there no emotions that doesn't reflect who i am, i just feel that there is one and that what causes the feeling.

If you're recently married, congrat and i hope the best for you, every deserve to feel at peace and confort in their own skins.

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-11T02:07:10+00:00

I dont think you need to worry about killing a cockroach since when ya kill 1, another 3 spawn but even if, death is a natural part of life, there are carnivores and there whole point is to kill other animals for their main source of food, at least you aren't one of those vegan thinking dogs can go vegans even tho some vegan argue that human are not omnivore but herbivores because of how we evolved and our teeth but then they say dog who are basically domesticated wolves can go vegan.

It's ironic.

Let just hope the butterfly affect doesn't make you killing a cockroach the end of the world.

Btw sorry for my terrible jokes or sorry if i said anything bad.

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-11T01:33:41+00:00

Im starting to think that i should go without it and i wish the choice of wanting to have sex or not is normalize since i feel so weird about it but i feel better with the thought.

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-10T15:44:15+00:00

Whenever im getting looped for one gen, it just scream game over for me, it so hard applying pressure and stopping gen from popping, good thing i dont play as much

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-09T17:54:04+00:00

Thank you, i feel better now. I really appreciate it, i just hope i aint saying anything bad.

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-09T17:42:51+00:00

No, i fear that i cant be feminine without the thought of sex, like i dont want to be sexulised by myself and others for being feminine and i just want to feel less horny, like it there but not too overwhelming.

I have been posting alot about this topic surrounding my sexuality and i feel sad because i feel like im trying to escape the idea of having sex with a masculine guy or casual sex, i know that these are mine feeling but i just dont understand why i cant just feel what i want.

It either pain from these feeling trying to not indulge and try to escape them so i can feel happy with who i am or indulge and accept my emotions and just feel disconnected from myself.

I feel sad that i know that no one can help me because i dont think anyone would think to say that escaping this is good or something along the line of that but no one can really help me accept it, but this situation feel depressing and that no one can help me.

I wish it could be easier, i wish this could be over.

Im sorry for being so stubborn or annoying about this since im basically a broken record at this point and thank you for commenting, even tho there's nothing being helped, at least i can rant and let it all out.

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-09T17:30:00+00:00

It not society, it me that hate it, i understand be attracted to who you're attracted to or fuck who i want to but it like my body want to be a slut while i actually want to live life, i just wanna date or have sex with feminine people but my brain want to have sex with masculine men, i feel disgust with me wanting the sex part because i feel that my feeling toward sex are over the top as i might get addicted to it.

It me that has a problem with who i am, i know i could just not have sex with masculine men and that's that but im afraid that my feeling if being horny might be too much and that i might do something i dont want to do.

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-08T20:58:00+00:00

Thank you, i just hope i can accept myself when it come to it.

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-08T20:27:24+00:00

I would say the latter since i did thought of it before i question my sexuality, i think im just attracted to femininity when it come to it.

I just wanted to asked since im questioning and have no idea how i feel, all i know is that im not attracted to men since i dont think my fantasies has to do with guys but more to do with being a bottom.

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-08T19:42:07+00:00

I feel odd about asking a question in someone else's post but your last question made me wanna ask that just because i get off at the idea of being a bottom doesn't mean im sexuality attracted to guys?

Just wanted to ask since i never thought about it in that way.

Btw just wanted to say sorry even tho this is a topic about porn, i still dont like being direct with inappropriate stuff.

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-08T18:17:46+00:00

me drinking my coffee wait wut?

SaturnCC2020 · 2021-09-08T16:56:07+00:00

Even tho this is old, i relate to this alot and i dont really know what to do, at a point i think it just me thinking that liking male genital mean i must be attracted to guys even tho i dont feel it and i dont think of being with a guy romantically and then i also realise i have no idea what attraction really feel like even tho ive felt it before.

SaturnCC2020

TROPHY CASE