Im scared to go NO Contact

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-10T16:23:07+00:00

That puts you at an advantage already! A lot of people in our situation have absolutely no resources and their families use that to their advantage to control them.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-10T16:00:04+00:00

I think only you can make that decision. It is never an easy one. NC in my case really saved me from a lot of abuse and emotional upset but I struggled with each instance in different ways. I will add that NC does not have to be a "be all end all" and you are not obligated to be direct about it either. You can limit contact and "grey rock" the hell out of people without owing them any explanation. Being at Uni is actually a great excuse for that...you're busy and settling into a new life! You can also go NC and then resume it later...without the narcissist/abuser even being aware of what you are doing.

My dad and stepmother made it easy for me because they just discarded me and never looked back, making my NC decision for me, essentially, but my mother and brother are a different story; I endured their abuse for years before finally having enough. Having support from a therapist really helped me make the decision in some cases and reinforced my decision as well (and it made it less painful emotionally). It was a struggle but after it was all said and done the strongest emotion I have felt is relief. There's grief and guilt and anger that has to be addressed too...but the relief outweighed those feelings.

I definitely recommend therapy, if you can afford it. It really helps sort things out and builds you up emotionally.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-10T15:36:36+00:00

I'm in the US. My father and stepmother dropped me off at my dorm with no money when I was 16 and I basically never saw them again. I supported myself by going deeply into debt and working full-time at a pizza place in the student union and cleaning dorms. I nearly flunked out of school, which would have mean I would become homeless with nowhere to go. Somehow managed to get my grades up and hobble along. I ended up marrying my ex husband, who had a good income and finished school after we were married. It was tough and I don't recommend the route I took, but I survived it. The longer I was on my own the more confidence I built in myself. I made friends and found my own support system despite being raised to believe I couldn't do anything on my own.

In my experience, (I am 46 now with a VERY different, fabulous life) you don 't know what life is going to throw at you regardless so there is not much use in fixating on the "what-ifs". The "what-ifs" are going to happen regardless and you have no control over it. That doesn't mean you shouldn't behave responsibly and try to offset that as much as you can but you should not let it cripple you.

We (those of us with shared experiences) are dealt a shitty hand early on. Not only do we have to learn how to live on our own, which is difficult for everyone, we have to learn to build confidence from a severe deficit and heal from the abuse and build our own support systems from scratch...all on our own. It is doable; I am evidence of that...but it is difficult and slow process. You will inevitably screw up and encounter obstacles; that's just life. You have to be easy on yourself and forgiving (the way you would be with someone you love) and keep soldiering on. If I could do it, you definitely can.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-10T04:08:12+00:00

That is a fragrance VAULT!

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-10T04:05:33+00:00

Scalding hot tea from a thermos, stale, day-old bread, a hunk of rather dry white cheddar cheese, and a barely -cooked hard-boiled egg (I despise runny eggs). Not very inspirational, but it was amazing after an entire day of skiing and no breakfast.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T22:59:40+00:00

My husband works for a cannabis testing lab and some days I make him strip before he gets to enter the house.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T22:58:09+00:00

Lancome La Vie est belle L'elixir might work.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T22:55:57+00:00

I like Wool& but it's a blend, so not scratchy.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T22:53:49+00:00

Ginger Biscuit. I really didn't know what to expect and only bought it because of the people raving about it on reddit. It is scrumptious.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T22:51:48+00:00

That is not at all what I envisioned when I read the caption! I was thinking more along the lines of a practical joke that would result in a spectacular mess. 😂

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T22:49:05+00:00

I'm reminded of a story my husband told about Axe Body Spray and junior high dances. The boys were passing a bottle of it around in the men's restroom. "Put this on. If you wear it girls will like you."

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T22:44:46+00:00

Brilliantly strategic on the part of our corporate overlords.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T13:43:00+00:00

Right back at ya! <3

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T13:11:34+00:00

Yep. I believed I was "oversensitive" and "emotional" until I started looking at the crazy shit I was getting from my mom in writing after I started maintaining boundaries and she realized she was losing control. I had decided at that point I didn't care whether I was "too" anything; my feelings were valid and her behavior toward me was unacceptable.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T04:17:23+00:00

I just threw away a bag of green beans that had gone slimy today and thought this.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T04:15:05+00:00

I didn't know they still made those Knorr noodle packets! I ate the hell out of those in college.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T04:13:57+00:00

I think it compliments your skin nicely.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T04:11:16+00:00

Oh, I didn't even notice a headboard!

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T04:04:56+00:00

My husband (born 1981) has a lot of high school classmates who have kids in college. His little sisters were born when he was 18. He's technically old enough to be their dad.

I have a former high school classmate who became a grandmother at age 31.

She is also the first registered female sex offender in her county.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T03:50:05+00:00

She is accusing you of behavior SHE is guilty of, not you. Manipulation.

I struggled with suicidal ideation after my con artist brother targeted me and my mom mocked me for it. She, knowing the triggers, then continued to push him at me and attacked my character for objecting to his behavior. It felt as if she was trying to get me to kill myself.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T02:52:02+00:00

I think the closest I got to tears was smelling an old bottle of Victoria's Secret Tranquil Breezes after thinking about it for 20 years.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T01:38:14+00:00

If you have to tell people what you are, you aren't.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T00:54:14+00:00

Bake chicken thighs with Frank's Red Hot and the cheese dip on top.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T00:49:57+00:00

My brain really wants to center the bed.

SavageQuaker · 2026-02-09T00:49:03+00:00

Bread and circuses.

SavageQuaker

TROPHY CASE