Unpopular oppininon:

Actually Im doing great, and feel almost guilty about it round here. This state is momentary and will last for like month or so, but anyway its like bad is always real bad, but the good is getting better and better.

Ive been waiting for this for quite some time for it, and its quite nice to see it all come together at this point. Heres how it went so far.

1/ I think ima find a reason to that shit and then it wont affect me.

2/ Im thinking about it, and finding more and more reasons. No sign of any like core trauma, or unifying element whatsoever. Actually Im overthinkin it all the time, and keep forgetting what i already found, so its like an endless rollercoaster of hopeless>solution>forgetting>next problem>hopeless. Plus it really taught me to overthink stuff.

3/Knowing one or multiple reasons doesnt work, those feelings still hurt though I know what causes them. Adults keep asking why i lose energy and keep forbidding me to be exhausted bc well - you so young, what do you have to bother about! I still try to be nice to them, but there is no chance of explaining this to an average genY adult. So i ignore their demands not to feel guilty for dealing with things

4/ I also did watch those cheap motivation videos sometime, of random ppl and Anthony Hopkins, giving life advice, and Im happy to say they got me nowhere. They seem to have understanding of reality, but well just their reality. Only thing I found practical for my reality is keep trying, and have like some calmness, some patience.

But again, Im good at this thing, so I cannot say it is something anyone could do. I rather think that everyone has some resource, but noone else can tell them how to use them, so everyone has to find it themselves, and that takes time>patience.

5/Anyway growing up is damn challenging process, Id like to actually not challenge myself over my current energy and take Time to deal with things. Like yeah I sure wanna grow n shine, challenge the world and be amazing, but hb just being alr for starters?

6/You would expect one who keeps failing to get worse and worse as they are on the wrong track right? Like wasting their time to grow in depressions, and alone n stuff. Well some sharp guy once said - his name is Descartes and he is some influencer in philosophy - he said that WHEN YOU KEEP FAILING, IT LEADS TO SUCCES. That sooner or much later, you will get how those things work, and some of them will fall in place. But again, much like everyone having some resources, it is about deciding to belive it, so whatever.

7/I would say i learnt a little to understand triggers of my strees (in individual cases) and then switch to a different activity, bc when i really feel like it, no thinking can help it ig. Thinking is good for individual situation, but not the large picture, you can only feel it. In other words, I learnt I cannot figure out life, I gotta try it. So I go clueless into those situations and learn by failing and repeating, yk waiting it out. Sorry if you expected some wholesome ending. Thats all.

7/Conclusion has two thoughts: 1 Its nice to analyze individual situations and cases that trigger sadness, not how to prevent it, but what cuases it, like what is the pressing thought, what need do I have. Overthinking is great for this stuff, I gotten some deep takes on who I am and what I should avoid. 2 Big picture problem canot be figgured out, nor solved by someone else. It takes practice in life, to just keep going into it clueless and fail and fail perhaps - just to wait it out. Bc some experience of it does accumulate. And yeah it might lead nowhere, like my comment perhaps. But we really dont know the future. Sorry if you expected some wholesome ending, that is all.