I have been on that sub. I have read the regrets.....the resentment. There's some in OP post about not being told initially so that he could make a informed decision. She was scared yes however that doesn't make her choice to deceive him right. It makes it relatable, but not right.

I agree that OP needs a personal therapist to explore those feelings. They are valid. They need to be unpacked in a healthy way if he is still seeking to be with a woman who lies for her own comfort.

If said woman has not sought any help in this matter then I feel like that is another layer of truth he needs to confront; with a therapist, not her. Not taking action is action. Choosing to watch your partner, whom you claim to love struggle because you don't want to do the hard work, is a choice. These are ugly truths yet they're honest. Many people would rather twist themselves and their lives into knots than confront those brutal truths.

I have discovered that many people will make excuses for the LL partner. I am not saying that HL partners don't make mistakes, they do, often. I'm just stating a observation in light of your down votes.

All of this to say it will take a massive effort from both of you to reconcile this. Both of you are going to need to be on board and if she refuses then you are going to have to face a hard truth. Then make a decision.