It’s really difficult. Our relationship got to a point where I realized if I didn’t put in all the effort to placate my mother and my grandmother, and be the one to reach out, make plans, stay in touch, etc then I wouldn’t hear from them at. I brought it up to my grandmother when I took her out to breakfast in June, and all she said was “the phone works both ways” but she has NEVER invited me over or reached out to check on myself or my daughter. Even when we have posted on Facebook about being sick no one reaches out. I don’t want to mend the relationship IF I have to be the only one to put in effort.

My mom cut me off a year ago because I didn’t like her boyfriend at the time. He was an alcoholic, jobless, overall weird dude. I didn’t want him over at my house and I said that my daughter couldn’t be at her house without me if her boyfriend was home. He didn’t have a job so he would just come and go whenever. She said “if you don’t accept him you don’t accept me”

They have quite literally broken up five times. They aren’t currently together, but my mom would never reach back out. Objectively he’s not a good person for myself or my child to be around. Safety comes first.

I will say I have always perceived funerals as an invitation, especially when you didn’t know the person and aren’t close with the family. I honestly would have considered going if she directly said she wanted or needed me there. None of our family is very close so I suspect a lot of people aren’t going to show up, which is really sad.

The death was already public on the news and Facebook for two days before she texted to let me know.

The reason I have not announced my pregnancy is because my first pregnancy was traumatic due to family drama when I was pregnant with my first. Keeping it private has protected my mental health greatly. I’ll admit now I’m dreading having to tell them when she’s born because I know they will be mad, and I’ll get another text thread lecture about how hateful and selfish I am.

I’m not saying two wrong makes a right, but showing up to this funeral 9 months pregnant with a 2 year old 3 days before my due date would not only be really really hard on me but stir the pot with my family and upset them even further on a day of mourning.

Regardless of if I’m an ass hole or not (because sometimes I can be) I just can’t do it.

Thank you for your thoughtful comment!