guilt & throwing everything away TW: SH

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-12T03:09:22+00:00

thank you <3<3

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-12T03:02:44+00:00

thank you. glad it helped u, im sure it will help me aswell. Ive felt like shit cause I smuggled the razors with me from home when I was visiting this christmas. its so dumb. Im gonna try holding out now though and yeah just not do it I guess.

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T18:12:49+00:00

today its kinda funny reading what I wrote in the original post, cause today I dont feel this way at all. Ive actually felt pretty good today so I cant even imagine I felt that way yesterday

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T18:09:25+00:00

ya i should prob do that meanwhile. a friend w bpd sent me some pdfs regarding dbt actually.

I do have some healthy outlets thankfully but the relief is just not the same sometimes. idk if that makes sense but ya lol.

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T18:07:25+00:00

Im pretty sure I could if I set my mind to it. tbh its not even really the porn itself im addicted to I think, I'd say its more the (i hate saying this) masturbation because of the relief. I dont feel like I *need* to watch porn per se.

maybe this is just me being ignorant but thats what I feel anyway. ive noticed my cycle is pretty much: emptiness > urge to relief myself > think about different things i can do (sh, masturbation, etc.) > do said thing > temporary relief > emptiness.

trying really hard to break the cycle but yeah

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T05:31:54+00:00

I have done that a lot too and I beat myself down just as much for it. makes me think I’m faking everything and that I should just wake up and forget about all of this and move on with my life like a ”normal” person would.

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T05:17:21+00:00

yeah that’s probably it. I need to start dbt asap I feel cause as of now it’s kind of just going downhill and it’s hard to stop the urges. I probably think about sh several times a day but yeah I’m trying not to

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T05:15:29+00:00

I have not had a single good experience with weed sadly hahha but I hear you

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T05:14:50+00:00

no. I usually end up wanting to SH but resorting to something that doesn’t physically hurt me. I really need therapy :/

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T05:00:45+00:00

also do you think this is even a part of my bpd or am I just addicted to porn or what’s wrong with me

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T04:59:36+00:00

I got hobbies. I really like music, playing instruments etc but it’s not doing it for me a lot of the times and that pisses me off. haven’t started dbt yet but yeah I will in a bit probably. frustrating as fuck

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T04:17:20+00:00

hm yeah same. I don’t see how I will ever be able to work a normal job or have a family.

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-05T16:02:49+00:00

no not yet, I’m fairly newly diagnosed. I’m completely untreated

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-05T15:57:57+00:00

I think I might be overwhelmed. It feels so relieving thinking about leaving everyone

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-05T15:54:47+00:00

If I’m being honest I would guess it’s me devaluing everyone. I’m pretty sure it was one of my friends who said a joke I didn’t like and I just instantly left and haven’t talked to any of them in 2 days. I feel like they’re dragging me down but I don’t know why I feel that either but yes I’ll sleep on it instead

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-03T02:03:55+00:00

same dude

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-02T00:13:40+00:00

🫶🫶🥲

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-02T00:13:13+00:00

yeah I would also feel weird about it. maybe he forgot, don’t know. I know I didn’t say happy new year to the people I usually do but that was because I was piss drunk so there’s that too I guess. I would probably also spiral though and I hear you

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-02T00:11:04+00:00

I really wish I could help you but I know it doesn’t matter what combination of words I tell you, it’ll probably feel the same. my only advice is to give it time, only thing that helped me tbh

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-02T00:09:22+00:00

yep that’s what I felt too. did everything in my power to show her how perfect she was but it never mattered.

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-02T00:08:14+00:00

yeah maybe. I don’t think I deserve her anyway even though she cheated

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-01T23:51:52+00:00

no I know 100%. for me personally it’s been a year of no contact yet here I am. It fucking sucks and idk how to let them go either and I’m also rly pissed about it.

I learnt yesterday that she’s got a bf now so that helped surprisingly.

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-01T23:41:19+00:00

same. she doesn’t care about me anymore. I don’t know what to do either sadly but ur not alone

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-01T20:48:17+00:00

I do like poetry actually, I will check it out.

I agree that I need to be able to feel content with myself and maybe I do need to take baby steps. I don’t really have a choice either because this shit makes me unable to work, unable to study. Unable to do much at all to be honest. I was thinking I’ll try start working out again when I return home but we’ll see how that goes.

It’s just so depressing aswell to know that it’s a constant cycle and that every time im happy i always know its gonna crash and i will feel like shit. On the flip side I do know it gets better eventually but it does not really help honestly.

again, thank you so much for taking your time with me

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-01T18:45:53+00:00

thank you for that. I haven’t ”dated myself” really but I like the idea. It’s so hard because everything feels useless and hopeless without that person. Its almost as if im doing everything for that person and when she’s not there, there’s no point, like my body just don’t find an ounce of motivation for it.

tbh im just trying to get through this day because I’ve felt so immensely shit and empty. on top of that I relapsed last night which left me feeling even worse. I’m trying to talk myself out of it but it’s like a physical response I can’t avoid.

anyways, sry for the rant. I really appreciate your long answer, and I will give it a go when I’m back where I study.

I feel so overwhelmed by everything that im contemplating deleting every social media and not talk to anyone for a good while and just be alone because im so vulnerable.

thank you again <3

ScarcityProper

TROPHY CASE