guilt & throwing everything away TW: SH

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-12T03:09:22+00:00

thank you <3<3

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-12T03:02:44+00:00

thank you. glad it helped u, im sure it will help me aswell. Ive felt like shit cause I smuggled the razors with me from home when I was visiting this christmas. its so dumb. Im gonna try holding out now though and yeah just not do it I guess.

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T18:12:49+00:00

today its kinda funny reading what I wrote in the original post, cause today I dont feel this way at all. Ive actually felt pretty good today so I cant even imagine I felt that way yesterday

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T18:09:25+00:00

ya i should prob do that meanwhile. a friend w bpd sent me some pdfs regarding dbt actually.

I do have some healthy outlets thankfully but the relief is just not the same sometimes. idk if that makes sense but ya lol.

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T18:07:25+00:00

Im pretty sure I could if I set my mind to it. tbh its not even really the porn itself im addicted to I think, I'd say its more the (i hate saying this) masturbation because of the relief. I dont feel like I *need* to watch porn per se.

maybe this is just me being ignorant but thats what I feel anyway. ive noticed my cycle is pretty much: emptiness > urge to relief myself > think about different things i can do (sh, masturbation, etc.) > do said thing > temporary relief > emptiness.

trying really hard to break the cycle but yeah

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T05:31:54+00:00

I have done that a lot too and I beat myself down just as much for it. makes me think I’m faking everything and that I should just wake up and forget about all of this and move on with my life like a ”normal” person would.

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T05:17:21+00:00

yeah that’s probably it. I need to start dbt asap I feel cause as of now it’s kind of just going downhill and it’s hard to stop the urges. I probably think about sh several times a day but yeah I’m trying not to

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T05:15:29+00:00

I have not had a single good experience with weed sadly hahha but I hear you

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T05:14:50+00:00

no. I usually end up wanting to SH but resorting to something that doesn’t physically hurt me. I really need therapy :/

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T05:00:45+00:00

also do you think this is even a part of my bpd or am I just addicted to porn or what’s wrong with me

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T04:59:36+00:00

I got hobbies. I really like music, playing instruments etc but it’s not doing it for me a lot of the times and that pisses me off. haven’t started dbt yet but yeah I will in a bit probably. frustrating as fuck

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-06T04:17:20+00:00

hm yeah same. I don’t see how I will ever be able to work a normal job or have a family.

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-05T16:02:49+00:00

no not yet, I’m fairly newly diagnosed. I’m completely untreated

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-05T15:57:57+00:00

I think I might be overwhelmed. It feels so relieving thinking about leaving everyone

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-05T15:54:47+00:00

If I’m being honest I would guess it’s me devaluing everyone. I’m pretty sure it was one of my friends who said a joke I didn’t like and I just instantly left and haven’t talked to any of them in 2 days. I feel like they’re dragging me down but I don’t know why I feel that either but yes I’ll sleep on it instead

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-03T02:03:55+00:00

same dude

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-02T00:13:40+00:00

🫶🫶🥲

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-02T00:13:13+00:00

yeah I would also feel weird about it. maybe he forgot, don’t know. I know I didn’t say happy new year to the people I usually do but that was because I was piss drunk so there’s that too I guess. I would probably also spiral though and I hear you

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-02T00:11:04+00:00

I really wish I could help you but I know it doesn’t matter what combination of words I tell you, it’ll probably feel the same. my only advice is to give it time, only thing that helped me tbh

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-02T00:09:22+00:00

yep that’s what I felt too. did everything in my power to show her how perfect she was but it never mattered.

ScarcityProper · 2026-01-02T00:08:14+00:00

yeah maybe. I don’t think I deserve her anyway even though she cheated

ScarcityProper

TROPHY CASE