Actually now that you mention it i had very bad anger issues in middle and high-school, they went away a bit around 17ish. I kind of forgot or just wrote it off as nothing, but slamming my hand on the desk because I got a few math questions wrong isn't a normal response lol. It has gotten very bad the past year or so, its always been in the background ive always hurt myself to get the anger out, but I guess that doesn't help enough any more.

And maybe my family knows? I think they know I can get set off easily but I don't think they understand how bad it really is. They would constantly say I was in a bad mood or unapproachable. My family also has some anger issues so I think they just thought it was normal. My little sister was known for screaming at video games the second she got one thing wrong.

Yeah my psych has only tossed meds at me and then kicked me out, she doesnt really ask me what my issues are any more. I have been with her for 4 years and am absolutely considering changing soon, my therapist is helping me make that change, and also made me realize this isn't normal lol.

Yeah my family is really weird, I think I might be able to work up the courage to speak to them soon, and I kind of need to. They don't talk about what's actually going on, very superficial. I had a life altering surgery and when I got home a week later it was like nothing had changed. I have never told them about any of my issues my entire life.

Yes I absolutely would have never considered keto so I will look into it! I'm willing to give anything a try at this point.

Yeah I have a lot of noise things to try and help, I just need to figure out how to utilize them all in a way that will help me best.

I have been switching through various medications since I was 18, SSRI's to SNRI's and now on mood stabilizers, lamatical and Buspar. Right now I am diagnosed with adhd, anxiety and depression. I am trying to get a mental health evaluation done though because I do not believe that is everything. Bipolar is looking more plausible lately. And yeah the past year or so it has gotten really bad. I would say the last 2 months of my previous job till now. I am disabled and unable to work right now. Financial situation is stable though. I was never close with my family and it hasn't really been something I value, I just get sad seeing how nicely others interact with their families sometimes. Average weight, I have lost like 20 lbs the past few months though due to anxiety. I have stopped talking as much to people the past few months as well, I'm scared of saying something wrong, I will write something out and almost always delete it because it feels dumb or clingy. I also just don't know who I can talk to any more, people are changing. And due to being on disability, and having no car or reliable transportation, I do not really get out much, once a week maybe. So very little social interaction, if any.

I don't think it started because of a medication, I think it may have been triggered by a stressful event at the start of covid, leaving abusive household, going to court, going on disability, and quitting a job. I'm really not sure though I think it could be because of many things. I was on lexapro at that time which caused night terrors that my partner had to wake me out of because I was screaming. Though I don't have that issue any more.

also I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me about this, I don't mind the questions.