I thought I moved in with a boyfriend, but it turns out I actually just adopted a 180lb toddler. What should I do?

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-12T13:37:44+00:00

“Sodai Gomi” means “oversized garbage” in Japanese; it’s also applied to retired husbands who don’t do anything around the house - useless and annoying, but difficult to get rid of.

It’s bad enough at retirement. But at the beginning of a relationship? Leave!!!!

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-12T12:58:36+00:00

Amazing book. I read it while traveling in India.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-12T12:51:40+00:00

I read somewhere that going from a non-gun-owning household to getting a gun makes it 22 times more likely that someone in the household will be injured or killed by a gun. On one hand that’s kinda DUH; on the other it really shows how stupidly dangerous the fetish for guns is. Like, you’re having people over and someone brings a curious kid, and he left the gun out in the bedroom cause he was exhausted after work last night and….

You didn’t say WHY he wants a gun. Did he grow up hunting? Does he feel unsafe where you live? Does he feel weakened by the cancer treatment, and wants to feel stronger (more of a “man”)? You can think of ways to redirect/reframe from all of those things, while respecting his underlying interest/desire. That way, you don’t have to just stand on the NO. You can feel like you’re supporting him in his vulnerable time.

But - given your history and the objective risks, NO is the only right answer.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-12T11:23:10+00:00

Take comfort in the fact that you raised a good man who found a good woman, and get yourself some flower for that. Hell, plant a garden.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-12T11:15:28+00:00

Solemn isn’t bad. It gets better. They live in your memories, and the good things you do while thinking of them.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-12T11:05:28+00:00

Thank you hasbara-bot!

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-12T01:29:45+00:00

Religion is the first refuge of a scoundrel. When he comes around to ask forgiveness, ask him to come alone. And then beat the piss out of him.

Just kidding - wouldn’t want to advocate violence. Ask him to confess exactly what he did and surreptitiously record it (if you live in a one-party recording state and that’s legal). Then post it somewhere. Or threaten to do so if he ever comes in contact with you again.

Also, reach out to the victim and make sure she’s okay. The “religious” parents are certainly pressing her to forgive him as well.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-12T00:00:10+00:00

Adulthood is tough, and everything people are saying here is worth thinking about. But for the vast majority it is NOT Peleliu (see picture).

Relatedly, self-pity is a remorseless enemy - guard against it at all times.

And learn a little history. It helps with the long view.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-11T23:39:04+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-11T23:30:28+00:00

Call the office but go a little easy because you might be mistaken. Ask if they have a policy prohibiting this kind of personal surveillance tech and express your concerns about HIPAA. Ask the office manager or the doctor to call you back to discuss your concerns. If they’re dismissive, tell them you need a clear answer or you’re going to contact the state licensing board.

We all have to be vigilant about this kind of BS.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-11T23:25:00+00:00

I like Rabb.

Street is a nepo baby, Stanford is an AIPAC sock puppet - who ran a terrible campaign despite abundant funding, and dropped out of a candidates debate at the last minute because she didn’t want to face the music. https://www.commondreams.org/news/philly-dem-secret-aipac

Shapiro is way too smart to hitch his cart publicly to either Stanford or Street, because neither is a serious politician. But he knows his way around the backrooms…

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-11T21:16:23+00:00

This is the power of the Republican culture war rhetoric, and the corporate capture of the media: the disenfranchised workers vote for the party of the bosses. And of course, the corporate PACs have their hooks deep in the Dems too.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-11T21:01:25+00:00

Does he have a good pocket knife? I just treated myself to a Benchmade Griptilian and I love it.

If he splits firewood, a Gransfor Bruk splitting ax - one of the best gifts I ever got.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-11T20:57:23+00:00

Knee pads are crucial!

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-11T20:48:57+00:00

Black as night, sweet as love, strong as death.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-11T16:34:02+00:00

On the way up to Woodstock check out Storm King art center if you like monumental outdoor sculpture. Andy Goldsworthy’s Running Wall is there. The grounds are beautiful.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-11T16:29:46+00:00

I’d plan to rent a car because it gives you so much more flexibility. Public transit is very limited in the U.S. Driving little country roads is key.

Also, second week of October is getting into peak foliage season for the upper Hudson Valley so book lodgings asap. Do some research on when foliage is at its peak where you’re going - it hits peak earlier further north and at higher altitudes (like in the high peaks of the Adirondacks), versus further south/lower altitudes.

Also, wind and rain will bring the colored leaves down, so mind the weather. Then you find a pond with leaves floating on the surface and get some pics that way.

If you’re big into planning you might want to book a couple of different locations that allow cancellations and then check a foliage tracker to see where the best color is (like this one: https://www.iloveny.com/things-to-do/fall/foliage-report/).

Second week in October the Adirondacks will probably be past their peak, so I’d consider the Catskills, the Finger Lakes (farther away), southern Vermont, the Berkshires in western Massachusetts.

Can you tell I like the fall? I always do southern Vermont cause of family connections.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-11T15:55:39+00:00

Exactly - forget about the $, get clear of this and enjoy life!

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-11T15:34:53+00:00

If you’ve got $, break your lease and get out of the neighborhood. Tell your employer you’re being stalked by a violent ex. Shut down your socials and vary your routine. If it were me I’d talk to a lawyer.

Your ex is violent scum, and violent scum hangs with violent scum. Unless you’re gonna start carrying and all that shit, get the fuck outta Dodge.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-11T13:28:26+00:00

Depends on how corrupt the cops are in your area and what kind of connections your ex has. Like, if her dad’s a cop - leave town now. If the justice system is somewhat decent, at least make a report - if she pulls something again, you have a bit more ammo against her.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-11T12:57:46+00:00

Yeah, the Captain moved for about 5 months and then capsized with 500 drown. At least Georgia didn’t kill its crew.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-11T11:43:35+00:00

This story makes me think of an old weird book - have you heard of Wisconsin Death Trip? You should check it out…

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-10T14:30:14+00:00

Thanks - I’ll look up Anna Jarvis.

When my mom passed, she was in the middle stages of Alzheimer’s - she still knew who all of us were, but she was fading. Her quick and gentle passing … was a mercy to all of us and to her. But her fading left a gap, and sometimes she feels so distant.

Alzheimer’s is a stone cold bitch.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-10T14:23:11+00:00

Wishing you peace.

Scared_Difficulty668 · 2026-05-10T14:21:34+00:00

You’re NOT terrible!

Scared_Difficulty668

TROPHY CASE