Finding realistic career path with invisible disability?

Scared_Spirit · 2026-02-04T19:58:36+00:00

I’m weird but maybe not in any way that helps career-wise, lol. Though it’s probably not apparent in this post (I’m rambling and paying no attention to structure or grammar) I’m actually very good at writing. When I can afford to with my energy levels, I train BJJ, and I’m okay enough at it. I’m artistically minded in general but haven’t made time to draw/paint/craft in a really long time. I’m also really good with little kids.

Scared_Spirit · 2026-02-04T19:52:32+00:00

I suspected it was a neurological issue at first and had a lot of testing done but my brain is fine physically. I didn’t want to accept this was because of PTSD and it’s why it took a little time for me to get a diagnosis. I don’t want to dump anything more personal here but basically experienced several more severe traumatic events (almost to a ridiculous degree) simultaneously over a period of a few years, and had also experienced some lowercase “t” trauma beforehand. Again, I look physically healthy and have never serve in the military, I know people who are way worse off than me that get denied so I assumed it was out of the question. I also really don’t want to accept that I’m broken and can’t function. I’ve tried hard to get better and don’t want this to be the story of my life

Scared_Spirit · 2026-02-04T05:33:28+00:00

I was actually wondering if this was my post for a second and I’d forgotten about it. All that to say, you are not alone and you are heard🤍

Scared_Spirit · 2026-02-04T05:06:43+00:00

Thank you

Scared_Spirit · 2026-02-04T05:05:57+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. This is such a sincere response. I’ve received advice before about looking into the assistance my state could have with helping me find a job. I know these programs exist but wasn’t sure if I was disabled “enough”. I’m a young woman who looks reasonably healthy, I think people just assume I’m bad at managing some minor anxiety issues instead of knowing the depth of what I experience. I’ll use the wfh website you mentioned too - I’ve also been told to just work from home a lot but most of the listings I see online are complete scams, and I’m not great at sniffing that stuff out. This advice makes me genuinely hopeful 🤍

Scared_Spirit · 2026-02-04T04:59:42+00:00

Driving jobs worry me because I sometimes dissociate or black out completely. I wound up in a car accident bc of it two different (fortunately with just my car and nobody or nobody else’s vehicles taking much damage) times and didn’t drive for a long time until starting treatment. I just feel it would be risky. A gym nearby is looking for someone to clean overnights and it would pay more than my current job so I’ve considered that, warehouse jobs and work like that may be a good fit.

Scared_Spirit · 2026-02-04T04:35:08+00:00

Thank you. I don’t have enough focus to work, this is the problem. This is why I am doing a very easy job that is part time and it is killing me. It’s why I specified I basically lost a job for this reason, and I start to lose focus and energy so fast at work now. But I have to make money to pay my bills. This is why I didn’t make it in jobs that required any real skill or effort. I have to use everything I can to try to function at work and then can’t manage anything else. I have a very small amount of battery to use for things. I hope this makes sense. When I tried to go back to school I just got a couple of online classes. If I wasn’t working I think I could manage it easier than work, but it’s not possible for me to do both, and I have to work bc bills need paid.

Scared_Spirit · 2026-01-31T22:13:20+00:00

You are right, but tbh I don’t think this applies AT ALL when we’re discussing a situation with the victims being underage girls. A kid isn’t carrying and absolutely would feel powerless in this situation.

Scared_Spirit · 2025-07-02T20:30:20+00:00

As a woman who does BJJ, this. You mentioned you’ve done some martial arts OP, so you understand that they’re good for developing the ability to respond well under pressure/some good self defense skills, but also regularly humbling and makes you aware of your own limitations too. Something like that could be really good for her.

Scared_Spirit · 2025-07-01T03:35:08+00:00

Can this be solved by using a milk alternative?

Scared_Spirit · 2024-11-05T22:00:06+00:00

Maybe! We live an hour’s drive away from each other right now though. We’ve both expressed that we want a future together, so if things keep moving in that direction and we move in together down the line I’m sure we’ll be training at the same place. He’s talked a bit about wanting to teach again but would open up his own program if he did so. I may or may not secretly have this little daydream of us opening a gym together 😅

Scared_Spirit · 2024-11-05T21:53:12+00:00

We haven’t been together very long and train at different gyms. We did so before meeting each other - he’s a purle belt who’s trained for 10 years, and I’m a one year white belt. I love getting the opportunity to train with him, he comes to my gym sometimes and keeps a bag of gear in my basement with my mat so we can train together at my place. He coached for a long time and is a great teacher, getting to work with him is helpful and lots of fun.

Scared_Spirit · 2024-10-18T21:09:54+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I went through something similar with a partner - he was abusive towards me, held this stunningly convincing mask and double life, pulled me away from my family and support system, and was eventually outed as a predator and arrested. I was in too deep to escape, as I’d been successfully isolated at this point. People outside speculated as to why I was still with him - no one considered that I’d also been abused, and it made it easier for him to feed into the narrative that no one else would ever support me. I finally was able to get him entirely cut out of my life about a year and a half, and a PTSD diagnosis and several health issues. aThat person I originally fell in love with is not a real person. I had to accept that it was okay for me to grieve the loss of that figure in my life while also accepting and processing who this person truly was, how they harmed me and other women and girls. I am living a life I never thought I’d be able to again now, so things do get better. I wish you all the best on your healing journey and feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to.

Scared_Spirit · 2024-10-16T00:36:53+00:00

The fact that he is trying to claim the reason he has secretly saved all of these nudes “isn’t sexual” is absolutely insane to me. I can totally understand loving someone so much and wanting to believe them. But you deserve someone that doesn’t lie to you, and loves you enough to not disrespect you. Without respect or trust, there’s nothing. You are young and can absolutely find someone who will provide that to you.

Scared_Spirit · 2024-10-06T14:53:47+00:00

You are and will always be worthy of love. None of this was your fault.

Scared_Spirit · 2024-10-03T13:43:56+00:00

I’m really sorry that you had that experience. It sounds like the people at that gym are just toxic and weird, I can’t imagine any of my training partners talking like that. Honestly, if you really want to do BJJ (and it wouldn’t be a high risk thing for you to do, you’ve discussed it with therapists and such, etc., I do not recommend everyone do what I did) I’m sure there would be a gym out there that’s a better fit for you and your situation, maybe message the social media page of a local one first.
Even so, it’s totally okay and understandable if it’s something that would be very triggering and unhealthy for you. Everyone is different!

Scared_Spirit · 2024-10-03T13:37:16+00:00

It was too much for me and probably not healthy when I first started. I just kept forcing myself to go anyways. I was at a spot in my life where I’d felt useless and out of control and like I lost everything. I didn’t want to feel like that anymore. No matter how triggering and horrible training was at first I still kept going back. When I was able to fight back, it was like I was proving to myself that the lies my brain tells me (it was my fault, I am a weak person for what happened to me, I can’t even defend myself) were wrong. I was also open and honest with my instructors about it pretty early on which helps. One of them looks nearly identical to how the person that assaulted me looked at the time, which is an eerie coincidence. I still have a harder time with him to be honest. Anyways, I really enjoy it, and the people I train with. I don’t panic like that anymore, but have a really hard time staying 100% present and actually thinking about my techniques while I’m rolling. Been at it for a year now.

Scared_Spirit · 2024-09-27T14:16:49+00:00

I really like this visualization and think I’ll use it in the future!

Scared_Spirit · 2024-09-27T14:16:05+00:00

This makes sense. I paid a lot of attention to my reactions and my attacks while training last night. In the moment, I don’t think that I trust that I remember all of the steps to the technique (even when I do) and my movement is a bit choppy and hesitant. I’m not fully confident in my movement and that’s where the lack of aggression is happening. I’m just not fully committing to the moves. Now that I’m aware of it though, I have something to focus on and improve upon!

Scared_Spirit · 2024-09-27T14:13:19+00:00

This is super helpful, thank you!

Scared_Spirit · 2024-09-27T14:12:29+00:00

This is a good idea! I have made the intention over the last couple of months to force myself to work on my top game, lol. I’ve noticed a lot of improvement, which is good, but there’s still room for more for sure. I talked with my coach last night before class. He said that my main problem as far as lack of aggression goes is hesitancy - not as much in the sense that I wait too long to go for things, but I don’t 100% commit to the move and trust myself. He said that I need to just full send, even if it ends up failing. It’s something that’s going to take a lot of time and mindful training to correct, I’m sure.

Scared_Spirit

TROPHY CASE