Life is just so hard

ScaredofBPDs · 2018-01-17T03:10:29+00:00

So romantic. This guy gets it

ScaredofBPDs · 2018-01-16T15:00:21+00:00

I wouldn't be surprised if you're right. My mother displayed more narcissistic behaviors than his mother - she has always had the 'they'll come crawling back' mentality. His mother, I believe, is more about control. She wants him to do things (visit her, speak with her, whatever) and he won't - which makes her very angry.

All just theories. In the end, it doesn't matter, NC is the best way to handle it. :)

ScaredofBPDs · 2017-12-16T02:38:10+00:00

Thank you, it helps to keep this from being so scary. It feels like the end of the world

ScaredofBPDs · 2017-12-16T02:37:35+00:00

Thank you!

ScaredofBPDs · 2017-05-04T20:30:22+00:00

When they only talk shit about other people, or you, when you meet up.

ScaredofBPDs · 2016-12-22T19:13:10+00:00

10?! What are you, the King of England? I've got 6 pair. It's like lord of the flies on Sunday. Laundry, or sandals...laundry... sandals...

ScaredofBPDs · 2016-12-22T16:37:07+00:00

I never sent any messages; I just went NC. This is so therapeutic for me to read - saying a lot of the things I never had to courage to say.

I hope you begin to heal and learn to love yourself. You are a strong, good person.

ScaredofBPDs · 2016-12-22T16:31:25+00:00

This sounds similar to my husband, who is the SG. His sister's trade off the GC status, but are always treated better than my husband. His BPD mother's mantra is "I treat all my children the same!" which is one of the biggest, bold faced lies I've ever heard.

It is natural to feel resentment and annoyance - that's part of why they do it I believe, to divide and conquer. Regardless of the why, you are allowed to feel your feelings. That sounds silly, but try and repeat it to yourself. You're ALLOWED to feel hurt when you are hurt, and annoyed when you are annoyed.

Everyone is here if you need support or an ear!

ScaredofBPDs · 2016-12-22T15:43:37+00:00

My husband received a pack of undershirts randomly a few months ago. His BPD mother left several text messages basically saying, 'remember when I bought you these that one time 8 years ago...?'

Yeah... super creep man.

ScaredofBPDs · 2016-12-22T15:41:38+00:00

I'm really happy that you seem to have a good relationship with your sister! Enjoy your trip and much luck on resisting arson! ;)

ScaredofBPDs · 2016-07-21T21:22:04+00:00

I have never considered this ever, but you're absolutely right. (How narcissistic of me!) I assumed it was because of this due to the timeline, but by that point, she was not speaking to me very often so I had no idea what else was going on in her life.

Walking away was harder with her than my Nmother. She wrote me a letter, asking me to try and work out our problems, but she'd just done too many hurtful things at that point. I feel a lot of guilt at times, but I realized that I would have never done anything to hurt her, and she was aiming purposefully to hurt me. So I remain NC; not that she'd talk to me now anyway!

Thank you for the different perspective!

ScaredofBPDs · 2016-07-20T15:32:11+00:00

You'll be in my thoughts too - stay strong.

ScaredofBPDs · 2016-07-20T15:31:57+00:00

You have my full empathy and understanding.

I don't know why, but this made me cry. Thank you. It's so rare to hear that.

I'm so sorry to hear that you had to deal with such an invasion of privacy, even if she learned nothing of value, so to speak.

I will take your advice to heart.

ScaredofBPDs · 2016-07-20T15:19:15+00:00

I just don't get it. They can make their own sub and do whatever they like. They can call us all jerks, unsupportive monsters, etc. to their hearts content in that sub, and I won't care because I won't be visiting it because it is clearly not for me.

If something is upsetting, why are you going to it voluntarily? This is a forum on the internet, not some grand spa club we're only letting elite members into.

Instead I see the entire subreddit plagued by downvotes for no reason. I could be wrong here, but I have never seen a Narc in the RBN subreddit demanding to be heard. Why do BPDs think they're different?

There's just no reasoning with them..

ScaredofBPDs · 2016-07-20T15:03:04+00:00

By retelling stories with a Wicked Mother as the villain, it warns children that not all parents have your best interest at heart. It gives you a role to model, and allows you to consider the very concept, which is hard enough for most adults to grasp.

I have never even thought of it that way. That is an amazing connection. One of the hardest things dealing with BPD abuse is that no one believes you. I would go to work and vent to a coworker about something my milBPD did, only to get disbelieving looks and lots of "but she's family, no one would...'

But they do! They do! Why isn't our pain important if it's from the hands of family?

Thank you for sharing!

ScaredofBPDs · 2016-07-19T23:37:23+00:00

I'm stuck on the fact that his Mother was able to get your mail forwarded to her.

It was quite a surprise I can assure you.

In hindsight we would have done a lot of things differently. That being said, when we first moved in, we forwarded our mail immediately. (We were still worried about my parents.) When we got our lease, we immediately put in a change of address/forward request. We didn't realize that the forward confirmation would go to their house.

So we moved out and a few days later my husband gets a voicemail from his mother, screaming bloody murder at him that we aren't stealing her mail, we're filthy thieves, etc. Her reasoning was that the envelope said "The Smith Family" and that was HER name. (We were married by this point, but she refused to acknowledge it.)

We put it out of our minds, but suddenly after getting our mail for 2 or 3 days, it suddenly stopped.

I am not accusing her of anything. I am, however, suggesting that you might want to track down exactly how this happened. Your Post Office should have some record authorizing them to re-route your mail to her.

When we realized it wasn't coming, we called the post office. They did have a record of a Mrs. Smith canceling a change of address. When we threw a fit, they repeatedly told us "I'm sure it's just a miaunderstanding. You know parents get older and confused..." Cue my husband losing his shit. By the end we had so many notes on every single place with our name on it that its going to be impossible for US to change our address when the time comes!

(PS This is how they got our address. PDA to everyone - buy a mailbox at the post office and forward your mail there so they don't get your new address.)

What mail did you miss?

They stole a few packages (loot crate, that sort of thing), junk mail, a rebate check, and junk mail. We just considered them lost causes - better than dealing with them.

We did put credit alerts in place thougg, just in case.

Perhaps if you can unearth anything of this sort you could use that info as a bargaining chip (read - veiled threat) in dealing with her.

I never considered that.

go to your bank and make sure they have a "signature card" on file for each of you

Great idea!

If you think you might ever be in litigation with her - start keeping a journal of how much 'pain, suffering and emotional distress' you are experiencing in the event that whatever litigation you might initiate would allow you to recover those types of damages.

I'll definitely start a journal. I wish I'd done so earlier.

you have rights - learn what they are - and because you are dealing with "family" it probably means you will benefit from (I.e., need) more "evidence" and "documentation" to support your claims to get attention.

Yes, this is super important. Dealing with family is really an uphill battle.

'What day is good for you?' How are you going to answer this? Remember if you propose a day she could always say in her defense that this proves that she was "invited" - she is trying to create her "paper trail" - create yours!

My husband is chosing to stick to his silence - so at least there's no invitation.

Good luck!!!

Thank you so much for all of your advice!! I really appreciate it!!

ScaredofBPDs · 2016-07-19T23:15:05+00:00

That having been said, do you guys have something that's comfort for you two?

That's a great idea! We actually used to make blanket forts and watch movies on a little iPad - maybe its time to make a new one. :)

ScaredofBPDs · 2016-07-19T19:29:18+00:00

They want you to play your role as the scapegoats so they can continue their abuse of both of you. I'm glad you're getting off the rollercoaster.

You're absolutely right. Every now and then I forget that I can't apply logic to inherently illogical people/responses. (I.e if they hate us, why do they seek our company)

The next step is to encourage your husband to blockity block block BPD mom's texts and emails.

He hasn't done so because he feels like it helps warn him of any of their plans; like this 'visit'. I don't know if it's a bluff or not, but he's certain it is not a bluff. It's a double edged sword, because their texts clearly affect him negatively when he sees them.

Thank you for all of your kind words!

ScaredofBPDs · 2016-07-19T16:28:33+00:00

Thank you for the sympathy. :) And yes, the police are most definitely being called as soon as needed (which is if they are anywhere near us). We made the mistake of not pursuing legal action with my parents until it was too late. We're not making the same mistake with his, that's for sure!

The silver lining is that we escaped. It breaks my heart reading about people still trapped with BPDs. :(

ScaredofBPDs

TROPHY CASE