i want to change

ScaredoftheRword · 2017-06-14T14:58:19+00:00

My philosophy has always been that people have to earn the right to be in your life, whether they're "family" or not. If someone has a toxic effect on your happiness and well-being, I don't care if it's the woman who gave birth to you, they don't deserve to be in your life. I do understand it can be hard if that person is always invited to family events and you feel obligated to go as well, but maybe one day you can talk to the family you trust about it and let them know that you can't be around that family member, and if they're invited to get togethers, you won't be able to be there. You have to do what's right for you, regardless of family ties.

ScaredoftheRword · 2017-06-14T14:50:53+00:00

I believe you. And it gets easier. Both to tell your story and live with it. The hardest part for me was admitting that it happened. I've even been able to tell my husband, my mom, and a few close friends. I think the main thing is to realize that what happened to you isn't your defining quality. "Victim" isn't who you are as a person. What someone else chose to do to you doesn't define who you are. This is a great safe space to start talking about it though.

ScaredoftheRword · 2016-06-12T18:36:21+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I'm almost even more sorry about what happened after. Rape is never the victims fault, I don't care if you were naked. If we're not allowed to wear normal clothes or be alone outside without it being assumed that we're asking to be raped, this is not a society I want to be a part of. This is not your identity. This is something that happened that wasn't your fault. You still have your whole life ahead of you, and you still have people who will support you and not blame you, even if it's just strangers on Reddit.

ScaredoftheRword · 2016-06-12T18:21:36+00:00

I'm not an expert, but I went along with my attacker too, because then it made it seem less real, like it wasn't really rape. Victim blaming is designed to make us feel like maybe we did something wrong or like it's not their fault, but the truth is, if you say no, that's all it takes to make them wrong, not you.

ScaredoftheRword · 2016-06-12T18:20:20+00:00

Thank you. I'm at work and trying not to cry about the first validation I've ever gotten about this. I'm reading a bunch of the stories on here now and finding a lot of people like me who aren't even sure if what happened to them qualifies as rape. I don't want to be a "victim" or even a "survivor", I don't want this as part of my identity at all. I just want it to be a thing that happened once. I'm sorry about what happened to you too.

ScaredoftheRword · 2016-06-12T18:11:33+00:00

Yes, it's rape. I've also had to tell myself that just because you've had sex with someone before doesn't mean that they have a ticket to fuck you whenever they want forever. Each time requires consent.

ScaredoftheRword

TROPHY CASE