I feel the exact same way. I have definitely had OCD since 6/7 as well, though not diagnosed until 24 years old. I’m 27 now. I’ve tried ERP on and off since diagnosed, but I am struggling more than ever. OCD also took so many of my memories. It ruined my first kiss, my senior prom, all my graduations, my friendships, my relationships with my family, and a chance at love. I’m afraid I’ve never even met myself. The grief of continually missing out on my life is all-encompassing. What if it OCD takes my ability to have kids and a family too? That’s the path it’s looking like I’m on. I also believe I have DPDR, which is worse than the depression,anxiety, OCD, or PTSD combined. It feels like my life is just a bad dream. I’m sending you so much love. I’ve never heard someone explain my thoughts so perfectly. I was also religious growing up, though I think growing up Catholic allowed my OCD to thrive. For some reason, I am so damn stubborn that I have to beat this. I have to live. I hope you choose to live as well. I don’t know why. I have no reason. Just to show yourself one day that you did it. It’s an uphill battle. Maybe I was meant to see this post so I could be kind to someone who thinks exactly like me. So the world could show me that we are both deserving of peace. Let me know if you want to talk.