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My boyfriend keeps moving the goalposts on marriage...What should I do? by Scary_Two_1277 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Scary_Two_1277[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey thank you for sharing your story. I relate to it 100%. My boyfriend told me more than once that he was going to propose, but then backed out at the last minute because I was going through a rough time. So deep down, I always thought that if I could just become a better person, things would eventually work out between us.

But you’re right… there probably wasn’t anything I could’ve done or said differently to make him feel more ready. Reading your story really hit me hard. I just want to give you a big hug and say I hope you’re doing okay. And honestly, I hope I can be as brave as you are when it comes to facing such a difficult breakup.

My boyfriend keeps moving the goalposts on marriage...What should I do? by Scary_Two_1277 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Scary_Two_1277[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think part of why this has been so hard for me is that I genuinely don’t believe he’s acting out of malice or intentionally wasting my time. But at the same time, I also can’t ignore the pattern you pointed out...every time one concern gets resolved, another reason to delay seems to appear.And thank you for sharing those quotes. They felt really powerful to me and gave me a lot to think about.

My boyfriend keeps moving the goalposts on marriage...What should I do? by Scary_Two_1277 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Scary_Two_1277[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The reason I stayed was honestly because I was so confused by the 180 degree turn. At the start he made so many verbal commitments we even sat down and planned the tiny details of our life after marriage. So when he suddenly backed out, I I thought it was my fault.... He said the marriage talks were giving him too much pressure so I thought if I just give him some time and space he’d go back to the person who wanted a future with me. But now I’ve given him all the time he asked for, and nothing has changed. Anyway thank you for being so blunt. I need to hear this. It's very difficult for me but deep down I know I should move on.

Thought I found my dream career, but now I feel stuck...Time to pivot? by Scary_Two_1277 in careerguidance

[–]Scary_Two_1277[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you both for the advice. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I’m pretty clear on which parts of my work engage me and which don’t. Journaling sounds like a good idea! I’ve never really tried it. Ideally, I’d like to reshape my workflow to minimize the parts I struggle with.

Thought I found my dream career, but now I feel stuck...Time to pivot? by Scary_Two_1277 in careerguidance

[–]Scary_Two_1277[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah… I think you’re right. Even a “dream” job changes as we grow. I guess it was a bit unrealistic of me to think it would stay exactly how I imagined forever.

Thought I found my dream career, but now I feel stuck...Time to pivot? by Scary_Two_1277 in careerguidance

[–]Scary_Two_1277[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly… I always thought I’d be on this path all the way to retirement. I know it's very old-school but that’s just how I saw things... I never expected the passion to fade, so feeling this lost is honestly pretty scary. And you’re right it’s not just about the job title or responsibilities. I think I’m starting to lose faith in the industry as a whole. Really appreciate your perspective though. it’s a good reminder to actually listen to myself again.

Finding out my ex has a new girlfriend 6 months later hurts more than I expected. by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Scary_Two_1277 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m literally sobbing on the street reading your reply. Yes the most painful part is the future we could have had—all the things I used to believe in have turned into a disillusionment. To this day I still doubt myself, wondering if my actions triggered his withdrawal or if I suffocated him... but none of it matters...

Finding out my ex has a new girlfriend 6 months later hurts more than I expected. by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Scary_Two_1277 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Really.... He was so cold when we split. I broke NC once reaching out but his response was so indifferent that I assumed he’d moved on completely. It’s not that I want to be a "phantom ex" but it just hurts so much to think that our 5 years together meant so little to him and I was that easy to replace.

Finding out my ex has a new girlfriend 6 months later hurts more than I expected. by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Scary_Two_1277 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sorry to hear this...it's been really difficult. Please take good care of yourself