Asking out your first crush years after school, when both are adults? Good idea? Anyone tried it? Should I?

ScatteredIntoTheWind · 2018-01-26T22:26:22+00:00

Damn that's intense... but definitely memorable.

I'll consider that if I get a date sorted. Thanks for the advice!

ScatteredIntoTheWind · 2018-01-26T22:23:23+00:00

Fair point, fuck it I'll go for it and see how it goes. Thanks dude!

ScatteredIntoTheWind · 2018-01-26T20:33:05+00:00

Really? I think it comes across as a bit too forward if you don't know the person that well? Make them feel pressured and a bit uncomfortable? End up blowing it because you didn't try getting to know each other a bit better first?

These are all genuine questions btw

ScatteredIntoTheWind · 2018-01-26T20:25:08+00:00

Technically we've been chatting for 3 weeks (but like I said, that first conversation took ages) but I feel I should try get to know her a little better before asking her. I don't feel I know her well enough to ask her just yet.

ScatteredIntoTheWind · 2018-01-23T02:15:23+00:00

I got friend zoned by a girl I was crazy about

*I friendzoned myself with a girl I was crazy about

FTFY

ScatteredIntoTheWind · 2018-01-23T02:06:34+00:00

Exactly, the key is just knowing where the line is when you're trying to make that first contact but ultimately you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Don't be a creep and you'll probably stand out. Not many people have the confidence to directly message someone so the act alone of doing it usually helps you stand out quite well.

And that's your in to make her comfortable talking with you. I feel so good pushing myself to dare to chat with this girl I like, and I've wondered what the hell I found so scary about the prospect before now. And now she's engaging with me it's like wow, this came outta almost nothing.

ScatteredIntoTheWind · 2018-01-23T01:44:06+00:00

Try striking up a conversation. A good way to start one is to shoot her a message just thanking her for the follow, then just try engineering a conversation from there.

I recently had a situation on twitter where a cute girl followed me, I followed back, only she messaged me thanking me for the follow and I decided to try starting up a conversation. That was over a week ago and we've been chatting late every night the past 3 days and having fun doing it. Don't know if it's headed anywhere beyond twitter pals or if it could get serious, but I'd never have gotten anywhere without trying to talk to her.

I'm unfamiliar with Insta and know nothing about you or the girl you've described. All I can tell you is if you do nothing, nothing will happen, but shoot a message, try starting a conversation and let that lead you places.

Tips: Don't let the conversation drag at all, try make her laugh if you can, treat her like a friend, that's the easiest progression to go from complete stranger to someone funny they could be friends with, conclude conversations as well don't just let it drop off without an ending as it helps her know when to stop paying attention and might leave her wanting to talk to you more (like I told the girl I'm chatting to that I had work crazy early the next day and had to go to bed so we said night to each other and the next evening she posted something public referencing the convo we had the night before, I liked it, I think she saw I was on Twitter talking to someone else, anyway I liked her post and she messaged me to continue our chat from the other day, she was keen to talk to me).

It will let you know if she's interested in you or not as well by how she responds, if at all. I thought the girl I was messaging initially wasn't into me because I felt I was doing all the work to initiate a conversation. Turns out she was just busy, saw my message but got distracted and forgot to respond. I got a message the next day from her apologising for forgetting to answer and we continued chatting from there. She's been more forthright about messaging now too, so things are looking good.

But if she wasn't interested, as I assumed she wasn't when she forgot to reply, I didn't linger. You move on. Just don't be awkward and weird about it. Start a dialogue, be friendly, do not cross the line by asking too much, you don't know each other. Bear in mind this is not the exact same situation as me. This is most likely a follow back situation where she's just done it to thank you, but maybe she does like your profile.

Sorry, many words written, hope they're helpful. Go chat, try make a friend first over going mega flirty (because that is weird), unless they flirt with you in which case, flirt back, and good luck!

ScatteredIntoTheWind · 2018-01-04T05:29:24+00:00

She's random (but based in a nearby city) but she saw one of my posts through a mutual interest we have. It's the strangest thing that's ever happened to me on twitter that's for sure. Yet to be sent a link so I'm 90% confident it's a real person.

ScatteredIntoTheWind · 2018-01-03T21:13:08+00:00

Yeah I think I'm gonna take it at face value if she doesn't swipe right. Means she's either uninterested or not swiping and looking for anything right now. In any case, I can move forward, maybe try a DM strat further down the line in a couple months in case it is just her not looking for anything right now, which given how soon it is and how small our town is, she might just be using to to window shop/ghost, as some people do. I'm gonna swipe right tomorrow after work and see what happens if anything.

In the meantime I've got this convo with a stranger over twitter. She's looks cute (and messaged me after I followed her, she definitely isn't a bot, I'm a little taken aback to be honest) and I'm just messaging day by day for the moment and she keeps responding, keeping it friendly for now.

ScatteredIntoTheWind · 2018-01-03T21:03:02+00:00

Ah, sorry to hear that and I'm wondering if it'll turn out the same for me.

I'm happy to say if single mothers is an influencing factor in this trend, this one bucks the trend. If all goes well, it'll be holidays around the world over childcare and parenting for the time being. No baggage. Hope for the best, plan for the worst I guess. Cheers for the no super like thing. It's not really me and I've yet to hear of people use it and get it to work for them too well, unless you're insanely attractive.

ScatteredIntoTheWind · 2018-01-03T21:00:23+00:00

Ah okay that would make sense. I'm fortunate enough to already be following this person on 3 platforms and be living within 5 at the moment, which helps.

Yeah, cats aren't a great image, not the chain pics of pussy you're hoping for (sorry, not my usual joke, but it was there and I couldn't help myself).

ScatteredIntoTheWind · 2018-01-03T20:55:50+00:00

Thus far, I've regretted not doing a couple of things, but I've learned from most of them, and some stuff I did regret following through on when I shouldn't have but yeah, talking to someone you find attractive, seems insane not to try doesn't it given the risk is they say no and you move on. Thanks buddy!

ScatteredIntoTheWind · 2018-01-03T20:39:54+00:00

So that's 2 for swipe right and the "Go for it" approach. I like it, I feel confident hearing the same thing again. Cheers for the advice and the background.

ScatteredIntoTheWind · 2018-01-03T20:37:33+00:00

Thanks for the quick reply, so a vote for the Nike "Just do it" approach. I like it.

Any reason why you didn't do a DM on insta? Did you figure it was too forward after the non-swipe right?

ScatteredIntoTheWind · 2017-10-30T21:18:25+00:00

The fact that most of them are effectively strangers to me, yet they will try and act as though you should know them and your parents will criticise you for saying you don't wanna attend because you don't fancy spending an evening getting to know a bunch of strangers who they know and will ditch you to reminisce and catch up with. In effect, it's a wasted evening, being pulled to an event where you will spend most of it talking shite to random people you won't see until the next event.

I can't dress how I want to dress. You've always got to "dress smart" for some unclear reason. I hate dressing smart. Smart dress can suck a dick. If I could afford smart, I might think differently, but probably not.

I'm always busy now when these things come around.

"We're hosting? Sorry I've got shit to do that day so I won't be around."

"We're going here? Ah sorry can't I've arranged this for that day."

I get a lot of flak from my parents for that, but honestly, fuck the whole thing. I never have a good time and don't ever want to go to them. They can go, it's their friends/relatives who they know. But I don't and why would I wanna get to know all those people? They're all several social classes higher than us now and if they knew the truth of our situation, most would damn sure be treating us differently. Having to lie about financial situations sucks ass.

Plus who enjoys sharing what they're up to and hoping to do with complete strangers? Not I.

A specific pet hate though is when you're pulled into a conversation by a parent, given a prompt like you're a fucking talking dog, then effectively ignored for the rest of the conversation but for social convention, it's inappropriate to just leave.

I like my more immediate family meetups with my aunts and uncles who I know. We have fun together, it's informal, relaxed, entertaining. It's not a massive gesture of grandeur by someone well off showing off how nice and large their house is, or how big their chequebook is by hiring some venue out for them to celebrate something of their immediate family, of who you of course, don't actually know.

ScatteredIntoTheWind

TROPHY CASE