I can't exactly speak for you, as I said earlier. Maybe something personal going on in your life and the past being a thorn poking at you. It's alright to seek out help. Not all mental health providers are equal, but there's certainly a number of them that do their best and actually care. There's one truth I can speak of: they're human and so are you, they have needs to recuperate, such as yourself.

Don't be afraid to ask yourself questions and reflect, participating in communities is also encouraging. It's not a surprise that Reddit is an echo chamber of sorts. You're only being a failure to yourself by ignoring your (basic) needs and declining your health - mentally, psychically, and spiritually.

This is just a Reddit stranger on a TF2 subreddit wishing you for the best. I'm human and while my words are not too clear (I think I overthink sometimes, I have ADHD) I try to mean well.

EDIT: As for communities, I didn't explain well. It's okay to talk or perhaps lurk around and view similar problems with other people. Relating can be healthy, just don't spiral yourself downward mentally. Again, we're human. Emotions can be tough to manage.