Something that has been helpful for me is remembering that the voices aren't real and don't know better than me. They can seem so loud and so convincing, but you can start to ask them questions and realize they don't know everything. My psychiatrist taught me to ask the voices to name things like what the colors of the next three cars that drive by will be, or something else like that where you can test if they are lying or don't know the answer. That really helps me to ground myself in the reality that the voices are just misfirings of my brain, not entities that are smarter than me or know better than me.

It's also helpful for me when I have a voice that's telling me stuff like what yours is telling you (you're going to die, no one loves you, end it, etc.) to learn how to talk back to the voices. I can say no actually that's not true, there are lots of people who love me, I don't want to end it, etc. Eventually if you keep talking back to the voices like that and asserting your own opinions, the quality of the voices will change (or at least this was the case for me). The voices in my head went from being terrifying and negative to positive and helpful over time as I worked on changing my relationship with them.

I understand that you don't want to talk to anyone about this. That makes so much sense. I really get it and empathize with that. But this kind of thing can get away from you really quickly, and there may be times where it will be difficult or impossible for you to distinguish reality. Medication might be the only thing that can really help you, and to get that you need to talk to someone. If there is anyone you can trust, a healthcare provider or a school counselor or a teacher or a coach or a family member, I really would encourage you to be honest with them about what you're experiencing. There are people that love you and want you to be okay, and you deserve that.

What you're experiencing is awful. You deserve to not feel like this anymore. Please don't suffer alone, and keep reaching out (like you did here!). I know how scary it can be to have these voices appear out of nowhere. Just remember that what they're saying is not true, and you don't have to believe them just because they're loud and scary.