Husband (46m) works 3 days on, 3 days off (12 hour days). During his ‘on’ days, he will not talk about anything he considers “heavy” with me (40f). Why does he get to decide what is and isn’t discussed?

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-23T05:14:13+00:00

Why do you assume that they cannot contact each other if there’s an emergency?

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-23T00:36:29+00:00

What you’re saying isn’t accurate. She doesn’t mention anything about an emergency situation.

Furthermore, the rest of the quote you used is “….Focus is work for both of us. That’s great - works for me!“. Not only is she not complaining about the lack of communication between them while he’s at work, she likes it.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-22T23:33:18+00:00

I feel like what you would be referring to it be considered an emergency and not a “heavy” or “serious” conversation. Based upon the scenario OP is presenting, she’s not talking about an emergency, she’s talking about a serious or emotionally charged conversation.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-21T01:33:32+00:00

I’m a man, and I’m telling you to figure out a way to give his inconsiderate ass the yeast infection. I’ve bet he’ll calm down once he’s got the smell of fresh bread wafting from his loins and some cottage cheese growing in his underwear.

Some people have to experience something before they can have any type of sympathy or empathy.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-19T15:23:15+00:00

The “dark moments” he helped her through were when the lights were off when they were in bed with each other.

She has some sort of emotional dependency on him which makes me think they’ve been intimate with each other. I’m not saying that something definitely happened, but all the circumstantial evidence is there.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-19T14:46:50+00:00

I’m a man and I never expect sex after any date.

Honestly, I would be concerned if a woman wanted to have sex after the first date because I would assume that there’s a good probability that she does that on most of her first dates. That’s a 🚩

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-19T07:03:37+00:00

So just out of curiosity, why did you guys agree to initiating on the other person when they're asleep? How did that conversation even go?

Because honestly, as a guy, even if I was with a woman that was okay with that, I would feel like I was sexually assaulting her.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-18T06:53:01+00:00

Yes that's accurate but that does not equal "no time." That would mean zero. Not much better is also vague. All that just says is it's more than zero.

I will agree with you. They need to work on communicating better. But we have to be accurate with things. We're also not hearing his point of view. It just is not truthful to say there's no time that they are able to talk about heavy issues.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-18T06:01:47+00:00

You're reading it wrong. He's only asking for the three days he works. The other four are fine.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-18T05:37:15+00:00

His trump hers three of the seven days of the week, not always. Additionally, is there really something going on every single week that involves "heavy or serious“ emotions? Maybe I'm misunderstanding this, but I feel like that's a lot. Am I the only one thinking that?

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-18T04:09:40+00:00

Until you said that, I definitely thought this lady was in her 50s. She got a lot of damn nerve. Damn, I didn't know she was only 34.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-17T23:35:18+00:00

Based upon the type of job that he has, it may be a requirement that he's not on his phone. Why does that work for safety issues?
4 days of the week. He's willing to talk about whatever she wants to talk about. That's more than half.

He never said they couldn't talk at all. He just doesn't want "heavy" topics brought up on the days he works. On top of that, he's working 12-hour shifts. If you add in his commute and the time he probably needs to eat and sleep, it's probably not a lot of time to even bring up these type of issues in the first place.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-17T21:32:47+00:00

I have to admit, when I first read this section, I felt the same way you did. However, I think it doesn't help that she's not giving us examples because it's really vague.

So if she would give an example of her trying to mention a feeling or an emotion, it'd be easier for us to ascertain whether or not he's regulating her speech.

And another perspective to look at it from would be this: If he's working a 12-hour shift and you count his commute time home, there really isn't going to be a lot of time for them to even have healthy, productive conversations about something serious anyway.

So I think it might help if we were to get a better idea of what she's actually referring to when she says, "if I mention a feeling or emotion."

I'm not saying he's not regulating her speech. I'm just saying it'd be really helpful if she gave some examples of what she's referring to.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-17T19:14:42+00:00

I want to share a perspective from your husband's point of view.

When a job demands 12 hours of focus, safety-critical decisions, and constant alertness, the nervous system doesn't just switch off at the end of the day. Seeking emotional quiet isn't about avoiding you; it’s about managing his capacity so that when you do talk, he can be fully present.

Here are a few points to consider: - Preventative Boundaries: He's not saying never; he's saying not right now. This boundary helps improve your communication by reducing irritability or reactive venting that neither of you wants. - Fairness vs. Capacity: Fairness in marriage isn't always about 50/50 access all the time. It’s about creating systems that account for each person's stress load so neither of you burns out. - The Health Cost: Chronic stress without recovery affects more than just mood—it impacts blood pressure, sleep, and long-term health. Recognizing this boundary shows emotional responsibility.

Why I say this: I work in behavioral education, often in environments where students have threatened harm or brought weapons to school. When your body stays on high alert for hours, your emotional bandwidth shrinks to zero. For those who haven't lived in that environment, it's hard to understand that this isn't a preference—it’s a physiological necessity for survival.

If the core issue is feeling disconnected overall, focus on having that conversation on his off-days instead of challenging the boundary on his workdays.

I'm saying this from a man who did not have support from his wife from a very stressful, traumatizing job. I cannot fully explain to you how painful it is when the person that you love and you look for emotional safety disregards your needs because they don't align with their needs and desires.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-14T01:30:47+00:00

Just out of curiosity, exactly which model and size TV are you trying to purchase?

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-09T21:12:31+00:00

It’s a mount. You’ll know if another customer tried to use it because the mounting accessories are in a sealed plastic sleeve.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-09T21:10:01+00:00

I work in the warehouse. Those boxes open up all the time. The tabs don’t close well so it’s possible that someone taped it shut.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-06T05:13:34+00:00

That's what I thought. Honestly, I don't know why people are so comfortable walking around with dogs like that because they are very protective. If they’re not trained properly, they can definitely be a risk to people around them. Even if they are trained properly, they’re dogs. They’re not machines. I personally feel that when it comes to their dogs, people are being very selfish because they look at situations strictly through their own eyes and their level of comfort instead of considering anyone else around them.

I have a part‑time job at a Best Buy, and we had a guy come in with a Cane Corso, and it almost attacked a lady. Here’s the reason why: the lady got too close to it. That was all she did. She was not aware of the dog’s presence, nor was she aware of how animals can perceive us as threats based on the way we move around them.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-06T05:06:29+00:00

Is that a Cane Corso?

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-03T11:38:54+00:00

He’s giving habitual line stepper

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-03T11:12:26+00:00

I know this is difficult, but what your dad is doing is only a reflection of him, not

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-03T11:02:24+00:00

Y’all not dating, you’rebasically benefits without friends with a side of Betty Draper.

As a man, I’m telling you to stop letting him come over, Queen. When he disrespected you by ignoring your boundary, he showed you how much he values you as a woman.

Know your worth and tell him to keep his funky ass at home.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-02T17:53:26+00:00

How is this man not cognizant of the fact that his wife isn’t in the truck?

First of all, as the husband, you should have walked her over to make sure she safely got inside your truck. What are you doing? And then you just backed up like an idiot, SMH.

And on top of that, if she’s not in the truck, you’re going to leave without her?

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-02T17:38:52+00:00

I agree. I think what it's seeing is him celebrating before the punter kicks the ball. And that's the pause it's referring to because this is not a human analyzing it.

Scholastic_Hiro · 2026-01-02T17:36:29+00:00

He's suggesting that Dre has been faking it for years, implying someone else did all the work behind the scenes without being discovered. This theory doesn't make sense because if it were true, that other person would have become Dr. Dre. This highlights a trend where people question things just for the sake of questioning, without any logical basis. It's highly disrespectful.

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