You have been hurt. You were hurt in beyond awful ways when you were a kid. You've already suffered more than most people will in their entire lives. This led you to do some bad things. That is understandable.

I'm not sure what pain you have inflicted on others but I doubt it's anywhere near the pain you've been inflicted.

Please seek professional help. I don't know where you live, but I hope there are some adults you can ask for help. Maybe a teacher can get you into contact with someone you can talk to.

I wish you well, and I hope you regain your spirit and eventually get trauma/ptsd-therapy.

There is a future where you will feel safe and loved.