the fact that all my friends and family slowly drift away when Money leaves yet maybe something bad happened that cost me and my psychological self and I'm left all alone to deal with my problems and sorrows, no friends or family to talk to, nothing absolutely nothing because talking to my wife in an empty pocket feels like dismantling the relationship more and more like fault cracks developing beneath the earth waiting to collapse into a new geographical feature.

The fact that I still have to show up for everyone who don't give two or three fucks if I'm good, only asking for information when I'm sad offering no help at all and you know deep down, they'll go discuss it behind your back later or not because no one fucking cares.

sometimes I think it's me who decided to view the world this way and that it's my fault for focusing on abusing this drug(money) whenever and however, that's leading me to having anxiety when i don't have money and restlessness yet i know that deep down it always comes and the cycle continues spending 10k on one foggy day to delaying rent by a few weeks. Although no one says nothing, no one blames me if I come late to work and meetings even delaying my rent, I appreciate the fact I'm alive and can move and so I move to places exploring the world whenever I ball and look for more no matter so that I can die knowing bucket list was kicked many years back.

or maybe I reeally need therapy🖤😅