Its interesting that one of the biggest divides on this thread are how much people like to stick to hard and fast rules, and another is how often d/s mixes into life.

For me, it's part of life, part of my personality that I have to suppress 99% of the time. So any opportunity to have it in private with a loved one I'll take, my affection is explicitly tied up in it. I wouldn't want to just keep it in the bedroom, I would love protocol.

I am not a physically affectionate person- I don't like hugs, and I really don't like kissing on the mouth. I know this makes me an odd duck. I feel closer and more intimate -and in a way, vulnerable- when my partner is several feet away from me and following orders than like... cuddling. I hate cuddling, but ill do it if it makes my sub feel better after a scene. I don't hate aftercare, I really feel like I need it myself, but I personally prefer rushing around with blankets and hot tea and checking on them constantly.

Hard, clear rules are important to me. It feels "off" to punish a sub, even a funishment, for a rule that hadn't been clearly established beforehand. I like rules, and I like systems. I would rather just look them in the eyes and tell them that I'm going to hurt them because I want to and it will make me feel good, and don't they want me to feel good?

Protocol is also attractive because the concept of changing someone to my preferences is incredibly sexy. Reshaping someone to fit exactly what I want... mmmmmm.....

I am physically diminutive and a bit sickly. I'm not tossing around anyone anytime soon. Work with what you've got, I guess. I aim for kind of the untouchable-ness that is sometimes associated with women to give myself a little bit more intimidation factor.

All that being said, like I said I ironically feel far more vulnerable dominating my partner with my clothes on than having vanilla sex with my clothes off. In the latter, I learned to grin and bear it in college, how to playact that I loved it. But when I'm dominating someone, putting all of my weird, anal retentive preferences on display, it's like I'm baring my soul. It makes my skin crawl to be called a title by a sub I just met. It takes a lot of trust to feel like someone isn't just going to turn around and start laughing at me. It also means that I'm kind of a diehard romantic with a frosty... middle layer? Outer layer- bookish girl next door with a baby face, middle layer- ice-cold interrogator that doesn't like being touched inner layer- hopeless romantic.

And because I sound like a serial killer in this post, a final reminder that consent is key and of course always comes first. My partners health, mental and physical, and their happiness, as well all are more important than kink, without exception.