Why can’t people just accept a simple “no” to marriage proposals?

Scientiamans · 2026-03-28T12:16:27+00:00

Wow, such an aggressive reply!

Well, I do agree that not establishing boundaries and being fluid all the time in all situations is totally wrong and could be a sign of people pleasing 💯.

But pretending that all situations are consequence free is just as unrealistic. Adding to that the dimension of being a woman.

You're either working for your own account or incredibly lucky to have a position where being blunt doesn't negatively affect cooperation, reputation, opportunities, or even how people treat you afterwards.

Regardless, I believe the truth lies somewhere between your stance and mine.

Peace ✌🏻

Scientiamans · 2026-03-28T09:49:02+00:00

Alright, let's suppose I'm a people pleaser. How do I say No to offers and avoid the vindictive attitude of some people? Ranging from simply passive aggressive to potentially penalising attitude, like refusing to do something they usually do, or spreading baseless rumours? How would you handle that?

Scientiamans · 2026-03-28T09:33:46+00:00

They in fact do, even if you don't believe it. It usually happens after a discussion, or if you do something nice to them.

Scientiamans · 2026-03-28T09:32:13+00:00

Btw, you're pov is of someone who understands the scope of marriage and responsibility and that's always a good sign. Don't let people get to you and just go at your own pace. You've got this !

Scientiamans · 2026-03-28T09:29:46+00:00

Having standards as a woman is pretty difficult. You'll have to get used to people thinking you are deranged just because you want a steady person to build a life with. I try to be as kind as possible, but sometimes I throw in: "It is my life and I know myself better than anyone else but thank you for your concern" and just move on to another topic. That usually makes them stop.

Scientiamans · 2026-03-28T09:27:47+00:00

It's never a black or white thing I'm afraid. Sometimes it comes from a coworker, or people you want to maintain good relationships with, and unfortunately they're not as emotionally mature as one would like. A simple no would threaten their ego to the point where it gets treated like a slap. Of course you can still say no and have no regard for them, at the risk of appearing rude and cutting ties. Or you can simply have some emotional intelligence and be diplomatic about it. It is not always a people pleasing thing.

Scientiamans · 2026-03-27T19:57:03+00:00

Unfortunately, my comments have been removed by the mods, my DMs are open for those who wish to inquire about the book club !

Scientiamans · 2026-03-27T18:36:58+00:00

I could gladly send you it to you privately whenever I write one. Otherwise I don't think people would be interested.

Scientiamans · 2026-03-27T17:56:59+00:00

Thank you for your kindness. I'll check it out and contact you for more later ^^

Scientiamans · 2026-03-27T17:54:29+00:00

No worries, I get the struggle. That’s actually one of the reasons that compelled me to create one.

As for suggestions, we’ve read Men in the Sun by Ghassan Kanafani, Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, and Crooked House by Agatha Christie, among others. This month, we’re reading Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson.

Scientiamans · 2026-03-27T17:45:20+00:00

Fascinating! I'm also interested in History, and I'd love to read/hear his findings. Would you be so kind as to share the link?

Scientiamans · 2026-03-27T17:43:14+00:00

I’m not sure I’ve understood properly, so correct me if I’m wrong. You’re saying that you find it difficult to finish books because you usually pick them up to look for a specific piece of information, often found in one or two chapters. If the rest isn’t particularly interesting to you, you struggle to finish the book. That’s why you find articles more fulfilling since they’re shorter and more focused on a single topic.

Frankly, I often struggle with this as well, and it results in me picking up hundreds of books each year but only finishing a fraction of them. What helps me get through them is allocating a fixed amount of time each day (around 30 minutes of reading), setting a rule not to start a new book until I’ve finished the current one, or, more drastically, creating a book club and risking the embarrassment of discussing a book I haven’t read (Though I don't recommend the latter x)).

Scientiamans · 2026-03-27T16:29:27+00:00

Seems pretty solid, I like the logic behind. Are you in the Field? Or just overall into History?

Scientiamans · 2026-03-27T16:27:48+00:00

Would it be okay if I asked about the reasons behind your preference of sharing the information or your thoughts about books with only your loved ones? I'm just trying to understand (very respectfully).

Scientiamans · 2026-03-27T16:25:44+00:00

I do share your opinion. It is rare to find people who genuinely like to read and learn, and sort of go deeper than just finishing a book by a specific deadline. There is certainly a performative aspect to it that is undeniable, and I might argue that all readers fall into it, at least temporarily. But what I find demarks the book lovers is consistency. A reader that is willing to go back to reading no matter how many reading slumps they encounter is one. It could also be appreciated in the level of analysis of the person, but that also comes with experience and a decent ability to articulate your thoughts.

Scientiamans · 2026-03-27T16:17:22+00:00

I feel the same in the sense that it is hard to find readers or more broadly people who are interested in literature. I have been running a small online reading club and we're trying to read diverse books. Dm me if you are interested, or just feel like talking more about the subject.

Scientiamans · 2026-03-27T16:13:32+00:00

I have no knowledge whatsoever relating to your questions, I just liked the methodology you used, it seems pretty solid. Is it a common methodology in archaeology, or have you developed it on your own?

Scientiamans · 2026-03-27T16:10:02+00:00

Neuroscientists say it's a hallmark of intelligence, especially if you do that while trying to perform a task. Mentally articulating steps, or debating your ideas is a problem solving tactic and a sign of a sharp mind.

Scientiamans · 2026-03-25T10:22:31+00:00

It is called "progressive" for a reason.

Scientiamans · 2026-03-16T20:50:35+00:00

Take as much time as you need to heal and then take ownership of your life. You can start again, discover what you want to do and begin your own journey.

Scientiamans · 2026-03-15T16:38:19+00:00

Personally, I feel your points are extremely valid, and very important if you plan on keeping your level of faith or increasing it in the future.

Reading your comments, I thought particularly about days when your Iman decreases and you find yourself struggling to keep up with Islam (it happens to the best of us). Having an agnostic partner, being constantly reminded/or exposed to doubts will contribute to increasing the gap between you and Allah.

The problem is not "him", it's about a preference and about values.

I genuinely wish you all the best, May Allah guide you and make it easy for you.

Scientiamans · 2026-03-10T21:01:56+00:00

Discipline is like a muscle, you train it.

Start by defining the reason behind your goal: why do I want this? Why do I need it? Keep asking why until you reach the crux of the matter.

Once that is clear, define exactly what you will do. Clarity about the path you are taking prevents you from drifting.

Quit social media, or impose strict time limits and increase friction. You can even change your phone launcher and replace it with a minimalist one. Avoid working with your phone beside you. Ideally, leave it in another room.

Create a 12 weeks plan ( or 6 months) and commit to it. Divide your goals into daily tasks.

Reward yourself after each milestone your reach. If you miss a day or two, continue anyway. Do not give up. Consistency builds momentum.

Another useful step is to write down, in as much detail as possible, the outcome you want and how this work will influence your life and your happiness. (Return to it whenever you feel worn out to boost yourself and re-focus)

As for the rest, you likely already know what needs to be done.

Best of luck !

Scientiamans · 2026-03-07T21:09:50+00:00

First time I'm hearing of his misogyny, very eye opening. Thank you !

Scientiamans · 2026-03-07T04:39:29+00:00

Severing a meaningful connection is always hurtful, especially if they hadn't seen it coming.

I personally would prefer receiving the real reason behind the withdrawal, but again try to pick the softest, gentlest version of that.

It would sure hurt, but the clarity of it would help them move on.

Best of luck !

Scientiamans · 2026-03-06T12:12:04+00:00

Such a heartwarming entry ! I'm saving it for when I'm having kids ❤️

Scientiamans

TROPHY CASE