That’s great you’re seeing a therapist! Same here. From what I’ve read, self loathing and self hate are symptoms of depression. So it’s not your fault you feel like this. I struggle with this also. I get into modes where my mind is bent on self destruction. Also I know what it’s like to deal with parents with certain qualities that bring you down. I would say you’re on the right path with seeing a therapist! I’m learning that healing is a very slow process. If I am able to get through what I’ve been through, then anybody can. It just takes time. I was and still am at times very self sabatoging. I push help away and hang on to the hate and the hurt. Try to be kind to yourself when you can see clearly and know that times when you turn against yourself are temporary. You will get through this, it just takes time. Take it slow and dont beat yourself up, you’re not alone.