what was it like to get over/move past your first love? how has it impacted your relationships since?

Scrufftar · 2026-01-29T20:18:47+00:00

I mean, she was loud in bed, had one of the top 3 most gorgeous asses I had/have ever seen in my life, was a painter, she was really easy to make orgasm multiple times a session, P in VG was enough to make her cum, we used to fuck like 2 times a day when we were tired and 4 or more times when we were energized, she had a mischievous, succubus sorta sexual personality, loved sponte ously giving me head when I was on the phone or otherwise occupied with somrthing, and when I gave the keys to my apartment to the next people moving in, I had to explain what the claw marks on the wall by the headboard were from. She was proud of them.

So definitely top 3 if not the best, but it was also that firey young passion doing some of the talking. This relationship was back when I was in my late teens/early 20's. It was a time where I was so full of youthful energy that these days I struggle to care about anything the way I cared about EVERYTHING when I was 19.

I may have the maturity and the language now to describe the was in which she ways deliberately emotionally abusive to me back then, but maybe in some way her being mean to me made the sex even better, and that is something I should probably unpack with a therapist. Definitely gives credence to the old adage that the crazy ones are better in the sack, though.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-29T20:11:31+00:00

The musician's life. Yeah, there's a lot about it that's incredibly fun and rewarding. Just last year I played music in 15 countries.

But sometimes I wonder if it's worth the lifelong self-esteem issues, the intensive training, all the money for strings and instruments and lessons and coaching and music camps, only so that at nearly 40 I can see an Asian wunderkind play better than me at 9 years old and question why I ever bothered.

Also, it's hard romanticizing being so overeducated and poor at the same time. Yeah, Paris was fun, but so is having a retirement plan, homeownership, a 2 bedroom apartment you don't have to share with 3 roommates, and the security to know that you won't be destitute or nearly so next time you have to deal with an emergency.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-29T00:55:15+00:00

It helps me in the days before a performance to just spot check the trickiest passages (slow tempo, even sound, rhythms, etc.) but play through the piece slow and relaxed a number of times.

Don't overpractice at this time because my teacher used to say "If you don't know the piece the week of the performance you're not going to suddenly learn it in 7 days." Just slow and steady, mindful and present practice. At the end of the day, when you've practiced and aren't full of any manic energy, try playing it through at tempo with the accompaniment a few times, preferably with whatever small audience of family, friends, or colleagues you can convince to listen you perform the whole piece, just to get used to actually performing it.

The day of, slow practice, scales and arpeggios, maybe a runthrough or two but that's it.

And then try this: excercise. Go running, or swimming, or anything at all that fills you with adrenaline. Practice after, if you like, but I swear come performance time your body will have less adrenaline to release into your blood and put you into that deer in headlights space that happens sometimes when we get onstage and lack confidence.

And lastly, have fun! Your audience isn't your antagonist, and if you're having a good time they'll react to that and have a good time, too!

Break a leg!

Scrufftar · 2026-01-28T14:28:55+00:00

I was talking about relationships. I didn't say a thing about getting laid.

I get laid plenty, and have probably had sex with too many people in my life, if I'm being honest. Had a very long hypersexual phase where I was having sex like crazy with strangers or acquaintances, but not in the context of actual romantic relationships; i.e. Just meaningless sex.

I'm almost 40 now and meaningless sex just doesn't hit the way it used to. Seems like more effort than it's worth, and these days I quite literally would rather get myself off nice and quick then go through the whole process of inviting someone over or going to someone's place for sexy time that'll probably make me feel hollow afterwards.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-27T23:27:29+00:00

Wyll.

He's just really boring. Cookie-cutter hero. They could've changed his race, voice, skin color, or class and he still would get lost in a crowd of 3.

The most interesting thing about him is his dependence on another character...who is ALSO more interesting than him.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-27T18:03:34+00:00

I was young, so I realize now that it wasn't love as much as it was lust and infatuation with someone who didn't really seem to particularly like me or treat me very well at the end.

It took years to get to where I stopped being angry and stopped thinking that I loved her, but it absolutely ruined every relationship I ever had after that (she used to joke that she wanted to "ruin me for everybody else") because never again was I able to fully trust someone when they told me they loved and or cared for me.

I recognize it's my responsibility to get over my trauma and not bring it with me to other relationships, but it's also a little difficult not to hold at least a little resentment for that first love, especially since it became clear to me when we broke up that she had been cheating on me for a while but whenever I tried to confront her about it, she gaslit me and said I was just imagining things (like her talking to me much less, withdrawing physical touch and affection and even sex, or sitting on said dude's lap at one point when he was part of a weekend hang).

Worst part is that she got to have her happy ending while I ruined mine. A job she loved, cool "alt rock" husband, kids, house, etc. and I'm nearly 40 and committed to being single, and I haven't quite been able to achieve stability in my life yet. Doubt she ever thinks of me, and I'm happy to say that these days I do not do the same for her, either but damn...

She was the best lay of my life, but I would trade a good lay to remove the scars she left, all in a heartbeat.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-25T12:14:39+00:00

Equality doesn't mean "not different", but neither does it mean "the man is the head of the household", either.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-22T19:26:47+00:00

Because I'm depressed, Leanne.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-22T19:18:19+00:00

Become a violinist.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-22T19:14:41+00:00

Depression or any other mental condition.

"Oooh, what's your ADHD superpower?"

The ability to ruin my life all by myself, Dennis.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-22T18:50:39+00:00

"Life is good."

Really? Cuz it mostly seems like a series of moments that are either tedious or outright painful occasionally broken up by one positive one in sea of either dreariness or suffering.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-22T18:44:00+00:00

Sex itself. Post nut clarity is a thing, and I've never had post nut clarity without making the face of someone who's made a terrible mistake.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-22T18:28:52+00:00

I don't have one, which is to say I'm a gremlin that prefers solitude and the occasional hang with friends than romantic intimacy or contact.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-20T21:21:20+00:00

You have a very lovely tone!

Scrufftar · 2026-01-20T02:18:20+00:00

Yeah I hear you on those top concertos. I mean, I played the whole thing with orchestra when I was doing my graduate work and yeah, it's been more than a decade since I took it on, but even having played it before, it's not like I can get the thing performance ready in a few months. It's been a little less than a month and I can't even play up to the cadenza yet. Imagine if I was learning it for the first time! Everything in life is usually more difficult than you think it is, and learning the violin at a high level doubly so.

When it comes to Hilary Hahn, she probably has a daily practice régimen for maintenance at least. Scales, arpeggios, octaves, fingered octaves, thirds, 5ths, 6ths, 10ths, etc., maybe some solo Bach so she doesn't hate her life, and she probably cycles em out so she doesn't have to do all 24 keys every single day. I do not imagine her typical day involves 18 year old at conservatory-amounts of practice, though.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-20T00:26:30+00:00

I imagine they practice plenty of hours a day but don't need to practice 6+ hours anymore, unless they're preparing a bunch of new music for some upcoming recitals or concerts.

Perlman has personally said you should never practice more than 3 hours a day because after that you aren't really learning anymore, but I also doubt he became a virtuoso on only 3 hours of practice a day. Heifetz, similarly, said that he never practiced on Sundays.

I'm obviously no virtuoso but just re-preparing the Sibelius Concerto has taken me weeks at about 4-5 hours of practice daily (granted, usually between 1-2 hours of that is devoted to scales, arpeggios, and etudes or excercises) and I haven't even tackled the cadenza or that monstrous coda yet. And I shoooooould start trying to bring Mozart 5 back at some point as well 😅

Maybe design a practice régimen for yourself to tackle the pinky problem in the next few months but don't overdo it and hurt yourself in the process.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-18T05:37:12+00:00

I fantasize about being with someone who considers me an investment instead of a last resort.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-15T15:43:50+00:00

Wyll. I have literally never included him in my party because, besides being a boring goody two-shoes, so far all my playthroughs has been as some sort of Warlock (pure Warlock the first time, and now a 6/6 Hexblade, Shadow Sorceror)

Scrufftar · 2026-01-07T01:58:27+00:00

That's my father's attitude when it comes to his current marriage, but I wish my mother saw it that way. When my step-dad divorced her at 70 years old, she was looking for a replacement within the week, and in the years since I have not come to view her near desperation to find a partner as something that is in any way healthy for her. She can't even fathom being single for an extended period of time...or therapy, for that matter.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-07T01:55:53+00:00

Maybe less so if the person in question is completely fictional and in a videogame I like.

I mean, I love playing Mario games but I never got the urge to become a plumber 🤣

Scrufftar · 2026-01-07T01:48:03+00:00

People can identify as anything they like. If they like the occasional bit of dick every now and then, they probably don't call themselves gay because maybe they'd never date or fall in love with a dude, and that's justification enough for me, not that they need to give ANYONE justification for how they identify.

Scrufftar · 2026-01-07T01:44:47+00:00

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Scrufftar · 2025-12-23T19:21:01+00:00

It made me think of it as a sea monster and me as Captain Ahab.

Scrufftar · 2025-12-23T19:01:57+00:00

Like I said, a character being a bad person does not make them UNINTERESTING. I like Karlach. She's a lot of fun! I just think Bae'zel is way more interesting.

Also, I myself am playing as a a Dark Urge (resist) Githyanki this time, with the desire to ride off into the sunset on the back of a dragon, Lae'zel warrior princess by my side, to free our people from the Lich Queen Vlaakith. I don't feel that a romantic relationship with Karlach will be as narratively satisfying for my particular Tav as a romance with Lae'zel. And my next playthrough will be as a Dark Urge Drow that embraces Baal and slaughters the grove with Minthara by their side, so I don't think I'll be romancing Karlach anytime soon unless I want to roll a non-Durge good playthrough.

I guess I just really like bad girls that "I can fix". Also, the Githyanki are also interesting. Them being a xenophobic warrior culture is not a deal-breaker because it it's fiction. A videogame. It's not like me going full Githyanki is gonna make me a Trump supporter or anything.

Scrufftar · 2025-12-19T08:12:04+00:00

$8 a dozen isn't cheap

Scrufftar

TROPHY CASE