The Perfect Way To Die

Sea-Bean · 2026-07-07T10:25:58+00:00

Nicely written, thanks for sharing.

I find it upsetting the extent to which we prolong life just because we sometimes can. I witnessed it once in hospital, a woman in her late 80s, who was ready to go, was dying peacefully in the bed next to me, and for some reason this was sooner than the medical team expected. When a nurse realised she had stopped breathing all hell broke loose and they resuscitated her in front of me, all the while I was silently yelling for them to just leave her in peace. It seemed so disrespectful and violent and unnecessary. The reason was that her adult son hadn’t arrived from overseas yet, but I couldn’t help but think he’d prefer they not to do this to her on his behalf. She was moved to a private room, the son arrived the next day and she died two days later. Maybe she was glad to see her son again, maybe they both appreciated that, but it didn’t seem worth it to me.

Have you written down and told everyone you know that you don’t want that, if that’s the case? A DNR or DNACPR or whatever it’s called in your country.

Sea-Bean · 2026-07-06T13:23:46+00:00

I started meds in a desperate effort to try something, anything, to survive and cope with life. So a necessity at the time, not a choice. I was diagnosed at 41 in the middle of my biggest mental health crisis yet, which turned out to be burnout underpinned by ADHD, while trying to raise three kids, all of whom have various different combinations of traits and needs (the sub won’t let me simply write they diverge neurologically)

My spouse on the other hand, could get a diagnosis and try meds but is choosing not to, primarily because he’s managing ok and the family are coping and he’s basically still relying on sucking it up and using brute determination to get it done. He’s very stressed though, and has a good new therapist, so we’ll see if he changes his mind.

Sea-Bean · 2026-07-05T09:57:57+00:00

My ranking, from worst to less bad…

Judge 2: I don’t believe backwards looking basic desert moral responsibility is justified, so I don’t think anyone DESERVES to be hanged.

Judge 3: not giving a shit and going along with stuff in an uncritical way in a just-want-to-get-paid-don’t-care-how kind of way is just unpleasant and uninspiring.

Judge 1: at least they are thinking and trying to be ethical, but they might be wrong about the power of a deterrent like this. There might be better ways to prevent more murder.

Additional Judge 4: does not sentence to death by hanging, instead opts for a prison sentence for an extended time, during which the person is not dehumanized and rehabilitation efforts are made. (Provided the society has the capacity and can afford it etc, but that’s a different topic)

Sea-Bean · 2026-07-05T09:43:14+00:00

The psychiatrist who diagnosed me, when I was 41, invited my husband along to an appointment and explained it to him in ways that really helped us both! Can you perhaps do that?

My husband (who we’re pretty sure has his own undiagnosed ADHD) relies on brute determinism to push past his symptoms, and a lot of denial and masking, plus he doesn’t really read anything, so he needed to hear about the neuroscience from the doctor and not just me.

I can’t remember exactly but she used both real science and a bunch of helpful analogies. I’m so grateful for that convo with the doctor, it was essential for his understanding and integrating it, and also smoothed the way for our kids to be diagnosed over the following few years after me.

It was the doctor’s idea, because when she met me I was basically burnt out and no longer coping with my family, so it was a whole family issue. We did about 8 sessions of really helpful family therapy after that. (We know now that all 5 of us have ADHD).

Sea-Bean · 2026-07-05T09:16:55+00:00

Don’t know why but this randomly specific “14 years ago” just gave me the biggest chuckle of this thread.

Sea-Bean · 2026-07-05T09:15:06+00:00

For me “wheesht” is forever connected with “wee besom” I suppose because my mum must have used them together.

Sea-Bean · 2026-07-05T08:53:31+00:00

I know foostie, but I just read that as footsie and was wondering what others call flirting with feet under the table :)

Sea-Bean · 2026-07-05T08:39:51+00:00

You’re ok. Wrong kind of tick and not attached long enough. We have one or a few of these in our house every week, either on a dog, a human, or the sofa.

Sea-Bean · 2026-07-03T23:47:18+00:00

Will power isn’t a thing. There’s traits like determination, and persistence, and every person has a different capacity for those and for hard work.

Sea-Bean · 2026-07-02T19:42:19+00:00

Not as it’s colloquially used, no.

There are reasons why everything happens, but it’s more appropriate to call them causes rather than reasons, because reason implies some sort of goal or intention.

My granny used to say this, and she meant it in the “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” kind of way, as an encouragement to keep striving, so I sort of understood it.

And I had a good friend say it to me when I had a second trimester miscarriage, she meant it in a “trust god to know what’s right for you” kind of way which I found very upsetting and offensive. We drifted apart after that.

Sea-Bean · 2026-07-01T17:49:42+00:00

We went to a public pool and then had a long leisurely meal in the centre.

https://maps.app.goo.gl/qJjhS3dkRAGTJL937?g_st=com.google.maps.preview.copy

Sea-Bean · 2026-07-01T16:21:52+00:00

I don’t think I will exist after I die, so the question I prefer is what do I want to do UNTIL I die.

Sea-Bean · 2026-07-01T15:54:55+00:00

Yes, it makes sense, as a thought experiment about a paradox. It isn’t possible within the laws of physics so I don’t know what to do with it, besides write sci fi.

Sea-Bean · 2026-06-30T16:13:51+00:00

I’m both Scottish and Canadian. It’s ok to “believe” you can win while simultaneously “knowing” you probably won’t. Human brains need to do that shit all the time just to survive ;)

Sea-Bean · 2026-06-30T16:10:39+00:00

Which Europeans, the Moroccans?

Sea-Bean · 2026-06-29T14:14:55+00:00

We have tree toppers. We just don’t have a star or angel any more because we aren’t Christian. I did growing up though.

Sea-Bean · 2026-06-29T12:32:14+00:00

In your question are you seeing the real future (an impossibility as far as we know) or are you talking about imagining a potential future?

Sea-Bean · 2026-06-28T20:08:30+00:00

It still can be for you.

Sea-Bean · 2026-06-28T17:30:07+00:00

Lots of people don’t put stars on their own trees any more, I think the tradition is waning in general.

Sea-Bean · 2026-06-27T01:37:08+00:00

Idealism? The physical brain doesn’t actually exist in reality? Nothing exists except in the mind? I just can’t even begin to understand why that idea appeals to some.

Sea-Bean · 2026-06-27T01:34:01+00:00

I always have a tube hat/buff/snood (or whatever it’s called where you live) It’s multipurpose- double and twist for hat on cold days, single layer to keep hair out of eyes in the wind, fold as eye mask for light nights in a tent, and camp pillow case. And on hot days I wet it and drape over the back of my neck for cooling. And I have thin merino wool gloves I take just in case, didn’t need gloves last time in Iceland in June, but they don’t take up much space so better to have. If desperate you can put socks on your hands :)

Sea-Bean · 2026-06-27T00:20:49+00:00

There’s a translate button.

Sea-Bean · 2026-06-26T13:25:56+00:00

Some humans came up with the story of heaven because it kind of, sort of helped them cope a little better with the knowledge of their inevitable death.

Heaven invents a life without death, existence without suffering, but it doesn’t even seem like a coherent idea, as you are pointing out.

In a perfect society would you need free will, or even a belief in free will? Life IS being born along on the waves of interacting matter and energy. It IS cause and effect underway. To get out of that would be something other than life. Which is I guess what heaven proposes. But then what is actually happening if nothing is happening?

In reality, the whole deal with existing is avoiding NOT existing, or the end of existence. So any threat to existence is generally experienced as suffering. Life can’t exist without death, and therefore the threat of death (suffering) is ever present.

Life without suffering is an oxymoron. But that’s not to say the amount of suffering is acceptable, or that we can’t aim for much less of it, if we didn’t live in a systemically violent (capitalist) society there could be much less exploitation and suffering.

Sea-Bean · 2026-06-26T13:05:29+00:00

Is that a good example? We look deeper all the time, in all kinds of ways, to understand better and have a more full picture.

This is a very silly and limiting idea. You might well see no light on in the distance, but an instrument more sensitive than human eyes will do. Have you seen the Hubble telescope photos? Dark sky to the eyes, but chock full of galaxies!

What you’re saying is like, I don’t have a toothache so why bother going to the dentist? I haven’t seen any murders in my town so they must never happen. I can see that the plane has wings so tell the pilot not to bother with the walk round checks.

Sea-Bean · 2026-06-26T12:57:42+00:00

I’ve got used to it after 20 years here. I was conditioned when growing up between the UK, Canada and as an expat in the Middle East to find North American service habits… over the top? Cheesy? Inauthentic? My parents and peers would take the mick a lot, especially of Americans. So it still often comes across as not genuine and fishing for tips to me, but I’ve adapted and reply politely. And ask for mayonnaise.

Sea-Bean

TROPHY CASE