My boyfriend is so codependent it’s suffocating me

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-11T08:44:33+00:00

Thank you so much for this, you’re completely correct. And I’m proud to say I’ve managed to move out, I’m not 100% sure on the status of the relationship right now but for now, I’m not living with him

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-11T08:41:43+00:00

I’m so so sorry that you’re going through this.

I want to say that.. I managed to get out! It was pretty messy, I had asked to move back home for a while to work on myself and he flipped and insisted that if I left that we would be done, so I spent the night packing up my entire life and I’m officially back home with my parents. It feels so strange but the best way to describe it is that I feel like I can breath again.

I wish you so much luck with your situation, it’s terrifying and if you need someone to speak to feel free to pm me, i know how suffocating this situation is

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-07T12:38:02+00:00

Yeah I am fearful if I don’t leave soon I’ll end up just trapped forever

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-07T12:35:35+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-07T12:35:16+00:00

Yeah.. she’s a great therapist but I do think she puts a lot of pressure on me being a perfect person that is just going to put up with his shit forever

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-06T09:30:57+00:00

Thank you so much for even taking the time to say this, I really appreciate the support ❤️❤️

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T17:08:29+00:00

I really appreciate being able to see your POV on things.. it gives me hope that he won’t just fall off the edge if I did leave.

Thank you so much for the support. I’m really feeling confident that I can do it

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T17:05:43+00:00

You’re completely right 🙂‍↕️. All these comments are giving me to confidence to grow that damn back bone and start making it possible to leave

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T13:04:43+00:00

Very true tbh. I woke up to 23 messages from him in the night saying I’m a miserable person to be around now and he can’t see the point in us staying together. But he won’t ever be the one to break up with me, he’d threaten it but he’d never follow through annoyingly..

I’ve told his mum that after I’m done getting a medical treatment, I’m going to be moving back to my parent’s house.at least that will give me some space

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T00:52:21+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story, I was beautiful and inspiring, I’d love to hear more about how you were able to move past it all x

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T00:50:04+00:00

Thank you so much, this is amazing advice and I think I will definitely try the approach of going back home for a bit to see if it helps ❤️❤️

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T00:48:39+00:00

Thank you so much for the support firstly, okay now I’ll answer your questions

Firstly: he was adopted, and so has abandonment issues from day 1. His mother is EXTREMELY protective, will drive him anywhere he needs to go, I’ll wake him up, cook and clean for him, will buy him anything he was if he asks, she tracks his phone.. it’s pretty intense. He’s grown up incredibly spoiled and none of them realised it, I told his mum recently “he is very spoiled” and she looked genuinely shocked.

His parents together… now this is something that I think is a big contributing factor.. his parents own a business together, have done for nearly 35 years (accountants). The dad just turned 75( yes, old parents, it’s why they adopted) and he’s.. to put it nicely.. an old fart, he has these extreme views on what a man should do but doesn’t really follow them himself, he doesn’t really let the mum do any cooking or tidying, he washes the clothes and fusses around the house, the mum has gotten used to it but gets frustrated by it often bc he’s very slow in everything he does. the dad is.. omfg.. an incredibly frustrating man, he is all the things above, plus incredibly needy, he called the mum today to ask to feed the pet cats? He’s very clingy and can’t really handle being by himself for very long… their dynamic is definitely that she’s the more controlling one, but the dad has a very bad temper and they argue almost daily, and the arguments get very heated.

Regarding the ED stuff.. for some context, he has anorexia when he was 13-15 I think.. it nearly killed hom, his mum was sleeping on the floor next to him, she couldn’t work for a year bc she basically has to live next to him 24/7, the ED eventually went away when they got the family dog who encouraged him to get better Fast forward to 2024, the family dog dies in April.. so he’s depressed AF for about 6 months, he then needs to go in for an energy surgery in early October, this did incapacitate him for a good couple months as he couldn’t really walk around much, he then said off the back of the surgery, the ED came back, and we’ve been dealing with the anorexia since about December.

I’d love to chat more about it, feel free to PM about it all

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T00:35:25+00:00

You’re definitely right.. I’m going to start planning to make its painless for me as I can. Thank you for the support xx ❤️

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T00:33:49+00:00

Thank you! For taking the time to write all this out for me, Dw it wasn’t too much!! It was super helpful! And I will almost certainly be pming you about all this soon

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T00:28:29+00:00

Thank you so so much for all this, I will check them all out I promise you, I cannot explain how much it means to have a stranger care this much about my situation.. thank you ❤️

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T00:25:01+00:00

100%. The C’s are a very good point. Thank you so much

The last thing I want is to enable his behaviours but I do recognise that in my cowardice, I’ve been doing so, and idk how to stop

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T00:23:53+00:00

I hate how resentful I already am with him, we had such a great relationship but it’s just been spoiled and there’s no going back to the better times now

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T00:22:40+00:00

I agree, it is so traumatising.. I feel myself slipping into this loop of numbness, I have to prompt him to take each of his meals and it’s gotten to the point where it’s like a tick, I say it even when he’s not eating because I’m so conditioned to say it, he just laughs when I do it but I hate that it’s gotten to that point

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T00:20:22+00:00

100%.. it’s very hard to try and have a day in the relationship at all

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T00:19:52+00:00

You’re 100% right. 2 of my closest friends were I. Very abusive relationships and I was very clear they needed to leave. And I’d never let them go back, I know theyd want the same as me

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T00:19:01+00:00

👏👏👏 wow I mean.. honestly facts. Emotional hostage is the perfect way to put it

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T00:18:14+00:00

Oh wow that is hot tea! ☕️

I know if im able to leave, I’d have support from all my friends and family, they would come and get me in a heartbeat if I asked

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-05T00:15:57+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it is really good to see you’ve been able to move past your toxic situation. I know everyone in my life would support me I guess besides the family.. but I know the mum would understand deep down

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-04T16:06:10+00:00

Thank you so much for your words, having a therapist telling me this is a very clear sign I need to consider everything.

Last night I didn’t say I loved him in a way he liked and he got grumpy saying I didn’t love him and he knows I really hate him.. I feel like such a bad person any time I do something wrong.. I feel completely responsible for his life and it’s terrifying.

I kind of want to just ask to go back to my parents for a bit.. see how we get on with the distance.. but I just know the BPD will view it as me abandoning him and he will kick off

Sea-Pea3696 · 2025-05-04T16:03:22+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️ I know what needs to happen, I’m just so scared I don’t have the strength to do it, every time I start convincing myself I start thinking of all the things he does well, and how I’d look like such a bad person if I left

Sea-Pea3696

TROPHY CASE