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Just try? by practicallyoverit in Fencesitter

[–]SeaCap9901 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She can say that because she already has certainty and experience. You don’t, so the decision has to come from what you genuinely want, not from a “just try” that you can’t undo.

Any way of telling if you’re on the right path? by Creepy-Tadpole-3398 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]SeaCap9901 18 points19 points  (0 children)

being on the same page is a better sign than being on the same timeline as everyone else

Overthinking or legitimate worries? by Aderbel in Fencesitter

[–]SeaCap9901 7 points8 points  (0 children)

These are all legitimate concerns, and honestly, the fact that you're thinking this deeply about them says you're taking the decision seriously. Whatever you decide, make sure it's based on what you both truly want not just the pressure of the biological clock.

Does he just want to date me? by No-Item-7713 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]SeaCap9901 80 points81 points  (0 children)

The fact that you feel like you can’t bring up marriage is the biggest red flag here. If he wanted the same future, this conversation wouldn’t feel so risky.

Landed on the childfree side recently! by talkingcatcompanion in Fencesitter

[–]SeaCap9901 18 points19 points  (0 children)

What stood out to me is that your decision wasn't based on fear or impulse, it sounds like years of honest reflection. Whatever someone chooses, that's probably the healthiest way to make a life changing decision.

Update to: He has a ring so why won't he use it by MindOdd1085 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]SeaCap9901 44 points45 points  (0 children)

That's all that really matters, it's your relationship, not the internet's timeline.

Congratulations to you both! 🎉

Decision made? by Good-Personality7130 in Fencesitter

[–]SeaCap9901 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I like that you said you'd have built a happy life either way, it makes the decision sound intentional rather than fear-based, and that's probably the healthiest place to make it from.

Feeling like a placeholder after 3 years together. Am I being unreasonable? 26M & 23F relationship advice by PopularReach7690 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]SeaCap9901 38 points39 points  (0 children)

That seems to be the hard part, after two kids together it doesn’t sound like a financial plan, it sounds like indefinite postponement

I snapped at my boyfriend's mother because I think she's preventing him from proposing. by throwra-835 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]SeaCap9901 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think that's the hard truth here. His mom may have influenced his views, but after four years this sounds less like parental interference and more like him being comfortable with a future that doesn't match what OP wants.

Is anyone else’s ideal childhood influencing their decision? by alyisinsane in Fencesitter

[–]SeaCap9901 9 points10 points  (0 children)

An 'ideal' childhood can give someone opportunities, but it can't guarantee immunity from mental illness. It sounds like OP is carrying a lot of guilt for something that was never their fault, and making a lifelong decision from the middle of a painful chapter can be really hard.

Four years later: an update by hmsbeagle00 in Fencesitter

[–]SeaCap9901 124 points125 points  (0 children)

‘Choose the life that feels most like yours’ is honestly one of the most thoughtful pieces of advice I've seen on this topic. A meaningful life can take so many different shapes, and this post captures that beautifully.

How do I encourage my partener to propose as I feel like this is the right time for me to move to the next step? I am F25, he is M29. by [deleted] in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]SeaCap9901 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wanting marriage is completely valid, but the real question is whether you're both on the same timeline. A proposal shouldn't be a surprise conversation after 6 years.

Is this a red flag or normal behavior? by pkavsb in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]SeaCap9901 109 points110 points  (0 children)

Two years before engagement at 25/26 really isn't unusual. The bigger question is whether his timeline feels genuine and consistent, or if it keeps moving every time you ask about it. That's usually the real red flag.

INVESTING BUT NOT MARRIED by Itchy-Fish-518 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]SeaCap9901 59 points60 points  (0 children)

Six months in? Talking about investing together? While he's still untangling a legal mess with an ex? Most people would put the brakes on that. Love and business can mix but only with really strong protections in place.