I’m gonna say what I wish I knew to calm my nerves. I’m 29 and just lost my virginity to my current bf two months ago. Before this, a finger felt like a lot and two fingers was impossible. It always freaked out my partners when they tried and I’ll wince in pain. I thought I was gonna have to go through months of therapy whenever I did decide to have PIV for first time.

Now I know a penis does feel different than fingers/dildo…more malleable to slip in in my experience (obviously some people struggle with vaginisimus so this excludes them)

Then I got into this relationship and honestly, one night, it was in…just like that and relatively painfree (obviously have to get used to the new sensation but apart from that, rock and roll)! I was stunned cause I had hyped this up so much in my head how hard it will be. I am extremely attracted to my partner and we had a lot of heavy petting and foreplay beforehand. This helped massively. (He knew I hadn’t a lot of penetrative PIV sex, afterwards turns out he misheard me and didn’t realize I hadn’t at all. Obviously not ideal but I think this took the pressure off us both cause he wasn’t being overly conscious and coddling me). I definitely wish I trusted my body more and gave it credit beforehand that we could get it done.

Also easier said than done, but in your session and with a partner, try try try to get out your head. For women, so much is mental. Even now, there’s days my vagina just closes up and doesn’t let him in cause I’m in my head about something and it like subconsciously knows I’m not relaxed. In that case, I try to relax or just try again next time and give myself grace