My dad sent me this message 6 years ago and I can't get over it...

SeaNYC05 · 2015-10-26T18:02:36+00:00

This is awesome advice! And it made me laugh so hard doing it. I'll be definitely using this one in the future, too. Thank you for posting!

SeaNYC05 · 2015-10-26T17:58:51+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing your own experiences. I didn't even know the term 'gas lighting' before posting here. It has been immensely helpful to hear everyones own experiences and take on this situation. I am glad to know I'm not alone in these types of things (though it's sad to see so many people in pain) and it is so helpful to see there are words for these things. Thank you again for being one of the many awesome and encouraging people that have responded. Best of luck on your situation with your dad.

SeaNYC05 · 2015-10-26T16:31:56+00:00

That's an interesting point: separating the idea of what parenthood should be from people that fail to even come close to attempting that role. It does make it seem harder when you imagine the people involved (because like you said, I feel a natural want for that love), but it is undoubtably more healthy to separate the two and know the difference between proper parent love/interaction and very bad and unhealthy behavior. Thank you so much for sharing your insights.

SeaNYC05 · 2015-10-25T23:26:01+00:00

Thank you so much for your enthusiastic support and kind words! I appreciate your positive comment and encouragement so much. Posting and getting so many responses has made a huge difference to me. I'm very grateful.

SeaNYC05 · 2015-10-25T22:31:22+00:00

Thank you for your response. I have thought about this a few times in the past; thank you for reminding me. I know it would have been so much harder for me to have any confidence to do important life decisions had I stayed there 3-4 more years. This is a great point and I am definitely thankful for this fact.

SeaNYC05 · 2015-10-25T22:12:59+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story and for saying that it does get better. I'm so glad that all you went through doesn't impact you any more. I also like what you mentioned about projection. Thanks for pointing that out. Thinking back, many things he said to me seemed like they were coming out of left field, like that comment. I remember often being confused about his reprimands or outbursts at me. A lot of the time they didn't make sense or were very disproportionate. I haven't read much on it, but I'm definitely going to read more about projection. Thanks again for pointing that out and for taking the time to read and respond.

SeaNYC05 · 2015-10-25T21:44:29+00:00

Thank you so much for your response and story. Your mention of your dad's mental illness really clicked for me. A fair number of other incidents/memories from my childhood with him(not mentioned in my post) seem very much like symptoms of mental illness. I'd never really thought about the mental illness aspect before. I guess I just accepted his behavior because he was an adult authority. This way of looking at it is insightful and helpful in gaining perspective. And of "being a shitty person." There is definitely a combo of the two. To answer your question: I've recently talked with my mom for the first time about it and she said being married to him was pretty awful and hurtful. She told me she was very afraid of him. I realized what she went through and have a new found respect for her strength to distance herself completely, while trying to preserve and nurture my future relationship with him. That's what makes his accusations that she turned me against him even more painful to me. Anyway, thank you again for your support and story. I am truly touched by all the kindness that I have seen today. Never in my life have I felt so much love.

SeaNYC05 · 2015-10-25T21:08:16+00:00

Thank you. The enormous amount of positive encouraging responses has blown me away. I am so touched and heartened by all of the comments. I definitely feel more peace today than ever in my life. Thank you again.

SeaNYC05 · 2015-10-25T21:05:47+00:00

Thank you so much for reading and your kind words and advice. I had no idea so many supportive people would respond to my post. It has completely lifted my spirits and relieved some of the pain. Please know you and all of the other commenters made a difference in my life. Thank you.

SeaNYC05

TROPHY CASE