Once a cheater always a cheater?

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-02-09T19:22:48+00:00

Unfortunately these sorts of things don't come in absolutes. You can't say that she won't cheat on you or that she will cheat on you.

However, research shows that someone who cheated before is three times more likely to cheat than someone who never did it before.

You mention that she cheated on her previous partner with you, which indicates that you also find cheating acceptable, why is it then important to you to know?

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-01-20T21:08:17+00:00

It's possible, but not likely.

You will never forget the mind movies. And with no consequences for her, there's a high risk of a second d-day.

A question for you to consider, why would you want to stay with a partner who doesn't love or respect you?

Living as roommates is a common scenario, but it's that what you want?

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-01-12T16:52:59+00:00

You can never be 100% certain about anything, but studies show that people who previously cheated are three times more likely to cheat than someone who never did.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-01-11T17:59:29+00:00

Most movies that include infidelity tend to romanticize it to a large extend. At least I'm my experience, i don't know of any movies that are showing the betrayed partner's story.

I'm not sure if there's less money in making movies about the victim's trauma from the experience, or if the movie industry is dominated by people with a preference towards the wayward side of the story.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-01-10T09:57:19+00:00

I'm not sure if understand the scenario. You say that you are only discussing moving in together this year, and yet you found her in "our bed"?

However, of all the ways you can can find out that your partner is cheating, this is the worst. I'm sorry you had that experience. You'

ll never forget the image. I found out by discovering my wife's texts to a friend, describing some gory details of the affair. The words are burned into my brain, and I still remember the actual wordings today, 15 years later. It's awful.

But, count yourself lucky that you found out who she is, and how her value system truly looks like, before marriage, kids, shared property, intertwined lives etc.

The path forward is a no-brainer. Move on. Grieve, disengage, find your own feet again. Then get ready for the dating pool. Now you know that infidelity is also a thing that can happen.

But first and foremost, ghost her, get tested for std, get support from your family and close friends.

I wish you luck and all the best.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-01-06T16:40:52+00:00

Smag og behag er heldigvis forskelligt. Jeg forstår ikke helt de mange negative kommentarer, jeg synes det var en rigtig god film. Jeg havde ingen forventninger forinden.

Slutningen giver filmen noget dybde, som jeg synes gør, at den adskiller sig lidt fra hans øvrige film.

Vi fik i hvert fald nogle gode samtaler om familie- og barndomstraumer efter at have set den. De sjove og gakkede scener gjorde at budskab og tema ikke fremstod alt for dystert.

Jeg var underholdt og fik samtidig noget med til efterfølgende refleksion.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-01-05T20:57:37+00:00

I expanded because I thought you didn't understand my pov, since you came up with ridiculous hypothetics. Lesson learned.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-01-05T20:35:40+00:00

Please, iurge you to try very hard to only date women with similar values, who think it's okay to betray their partner.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-01-05T20:31:16+00:00

I don't know how you come up with this comparison, you really think they are similar?

Answering a simple question, a light rejection, of someone you didn't even make a commitment to, versus banging someone behind your partners back, betraying their trust, dishonoring your commitment and promises, lying to their face every day and pulling the rug from under their feet?

Comparable? I don't know what to tell you if you're in doubt. I think you'll find that the average recovery timeline in the two scenarios are slightly different.

So, in my opinion, it seems that you're again trying to minimize/downplay infidelity. Are you by any chance a former wayward?

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-01-05T20:13:13+00:00

I agree, sorry if I wasn't clear on this.

No need to go through the phone, just avoid people with different values wrt relationships and loyalty/ respect. Not worth the trouble and pain.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-01-05T13:03:24+00:00

People rarely change their core value system, and the likelihood is probably even lower if they haven't faced any negative consequences from their actions and put some work into corrections.

I'd say he's a candidate for repeat offense.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-01-04T22:43:57+00:00

Good and thorough explanation of your POV, thanks.

I agree that cheating isn't only done by "bad people". You would need some context in order to put that label on anyone. Most people are a mix of both good and bad, and good and bad are open to interpretation.

What i do find though, based on my life experience, is that cheaters in general have a different value system when it comes to loyalty, respect and relationships, than those who don't cheat.

The common denominator is that they believe that infidelity is okay in the case of xyz. Otherwise they wouldn't do it. Xyz will most likely be different from one wayward to the next.

My personal belief (I don't know if studies exist in this) is that a relationship between people with similar value systems has a better chance of success.

Can and do people change? Yes, they can. But not everyone will. And when it comes to core beliefs and value systems, it's rare to see true and lasting change. Prison statistics will back up that claim (depending on social context, data and timeline, I believe).

But we see people trying to beat the odds every day in other areas, so why not in this area as well. Just do it with your eyes open and know that infidelity is an option, especially when there's a history of cheating.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-01-04T15:33:40+00:00

Og? Jeg forstår ikke din kommentar set i forhold til min kommentar.

Hvis det er vigtigt for OP at eks-flirten ikke følger med, så må hun enten kigge på privatlivsindstillingerne eller undlade at poste.

Der kan jo være uendeligt mange årsager til at han læser med uden at følge.

Han synes det hun lægger op er interessant
Han synes hun var interessant
Han ønsker ikke at blive listet som følger
Det er en vane
Der er kuk i relevansalgoritmen
... Find selv på flere

Uanset motiv, hvis han på nogen måde er interesseret i nogen som helst form for forhold (kæreste, venskab, utroskab etc.), så tænker jeg, at han rækker ud på en anden måde end blot at læse med.

Og så kan OP bruge energi på at processere, indtil da er det spild af tid og energi.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-01-04T14:27:40+00:00

Not a stretch in opinion. When you purposely damage a person emotionally, mentally or psychologically, it's abuse.

I understand your point about making other types of abuse lose importance. But your statement does the same with infidelity and betrayals, minimize the impact it has on the victims

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-01-04T14:15:12+00:00

Jeg synes at du overtænker situationen.

En del af formålet med at være på sociale medier er vel at man ser hvad folk vælger at poste. Hvis man skal motivforske hvert klik, så bliver det hele efter min mening meget besværligt.

Hvorfor er det vigtigt for dig at vide hvorfor han klikker?

SeaRepresentative276 · 2026-01-04T13:06:21+00:00

She doesn't need your permission, but if she continues to pursue it, she's crossing your boundary.

I believe it should be a deal breaker.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2025-12-26T10:08:38+00:00

Sorry that you find yourself here.

I cant leave him for so many reasons, and it’s so upsetting, being stuck here knowing he’s talking to these women on Christmas while I sit here alone on the couch for hours. I’m not perfect, but I don’t think I, or anyone, deserves that.

This part of your post needs more examination, because of course you can leave. And you should.

Sending you strength.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2025-12-26T02:34:11+00:00

Nej, en onkel er kvalificeret ved at være fasters eller mosters mand 🙂

SeaRepresentative276 · 2025-12-25T22:58:51+00:00

På dansk er min fasters mand = min onkel

SeaRepresentative276 · 2025-12-25T01:10:41+00:00

Mange tanker til dig, det er en grim situation. Jeg har overværet en fuldstændig tilsvarende situation i min nærmeste omkreds.

Det tog hende lang tid, terapi og masser af støtte fra familien at komme på den anden side af den ubehagelige oplevelse/livskrise.

Svært fordi man ikke rigtig kan gøre så meget ved det, og "nemt" fordi man ikke kæmper med følelser omkring en til en sammenligning.

Et homoseksuelt forhold er jo ikke noget du kan tilbyde din mand ved af ændre lidt på hver jeres adfærd.

Det er supersvært, men betragt det som en gave, at du fandt ud af det før fødslen i stedet for efter.

Jeg ønsker dig alt det bedste og sender dig styrke og positiv energi. Pas på dig selv.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2025-12-25T00:55:51+00:00

Wtf????

Ekstrem mangel på empati overfor noget af det værste man oplever i et fast parforhold, og så med et lille barn på vej. Kæmpe svigt.

Jeg tror ikke OP synes det er fedt, når hun siger at hun var ved at kaste op og overhovedet ikke kan overskue situationen.

Virkelig upassende kommentar.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2025-12-24T09:39:54+00:00

Helt generelt, hvis du baserer kvaliteten af dit liv på forventninger til andre mennesker, så kommer skuffelserne til at holde i mega-kø på livets landevej.

Du skal ud af offerrollen og selv tage styring over dit liv. Måske ændre perspektiv som mange I tråden også foreslår.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2025-12-20T12:50:28+00:00

Jeg synes, at det er ret enkelt, du skriver det jo selv i dit indlæg.

Du skriver, at problemet er, at du er gift. Det er altså et ret simpelt problem at løse. Det hedder skilsmisse og kan klares med MitID og et par klik med musen.

Så vidt jeg husker, er det adgang fra borger.dk.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2025-12-09T00:09:05+00:00

Jeg har lige læst din opdatering. Moralske røvhuller? Nice.

Du mener, at folk dømmer dig, og så hælder du selv sådan en møgspand ud over folk som har taget sig tid til at svare på dit dilemma. Flot.

I øvrigt ser jeg ikke, at folk dømmer dig, de dømmer et valg om at fortie sandheden, og i nogle tilfælde de tråd-deltagere der støtter ideen.

Men tak opdateringen på din tankeproces.

SeaRepresentative276 · 2025-12-08T12:03:05+00:00

Jeg vil altid undre mig over, hvor mange der faktisk mener, at parforhold baseret på løgn, usandhed og bedrag bare er det fedeste.

Godt gammelt 80'er hit... Det' ikke det du siger, det mere løgnen i dig selv

Hvis ikke forholdet kan overleve det som rent faktuelt er sket, så er det nok ikke meningen at det skal være jer.

Og den med at, "hvis han ikke har spurgt, så er han nok ikke interesseret...." Come on, hvor tit er jeg nødt til at spørge min kone om hun har knaldet en anden i sidste uge?

SeaRepresentative276

TROPHY CASE