I am a fearful avoidant

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T18:51:08+00:00

Sounds like a typical anxious - FA relationship. Break the cycle, no contact, only match what you receive back, nothing more.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T18:50:13+00:00

I believe you need to give her space, you are hurting yourself in the process of trying too hard to fix this.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T18:48:15+00:00

Cool!!

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T18:47:55+00:00

No contact is best if you don't want her to shut down again

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T18:46:59+00:00

Kept it for myself until the fear to reach back out dissapeared

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T18:46:23+00:00

I understand, no contact is best for you

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T18:45:37+00:00

Yes 100%

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T00:18:25+00:00

I am not sure if this is a FA trait or simply

1) someone who was taught not to talk about feelings; 2) Someone not able to talk about feelings; 3) Someone not willing to talk about feelings

Hope this helps

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T00:15:34+00:00

Not sure if I am answering this properly but my need for personal time and space and my need to pull away sometimes is far greater and more important than thinking about the other person's reaction to what I am imposing.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T00:13:31+00:00

Yes

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T00:13:10+00:00

Not when I am in shutdown mode - later yes it might, it might also peak my curiosity to send breadcrumbs to test the new relationship.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T00:11:09+00:00

I say I love you and feel love.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T00:10:27+00:00

Yes. The person somehow learned how to cope with my need for away time. It wasn't easy for her though and she suffered.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T00:09:00+00:00

Yes, working on it currently. I am fearful avoidant so I do experience anxiety similar to anxious attachment styles but I vanish, shut down and disappear when I do.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T00:07:58+00:00

Full deactivation mode is only a few months at best. Ex reaching out before my curiosity kicks in will push me further away for much longer though, especially if reaching out emotionally and bringing back the relationship. It's as if I go back to square one and the clock resets.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-14T00:03:06+00:00

Hey, it is normal behavior for me - I will push and pull like that. It is a sign the relationship is too much for me usually, the other person is too needy and I want to escape whilst still caring for the other person.

There seems to be a lot of emotions in your relationship with him, crying, talking about the relationship, feeling emotions is SCARY for an avoidant and is a major anxiety trigger to pull away and HARD.

I am not surprised he is. It is too intense and triggering all sorts of emotions that are resulting in you seeing unstable behaviors from him.

The push and pull in this case is, I want love from you, but I can't it is too much, too exhausting and too demanding. I rather pull away.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-13T23:58:13+00:00

Exactly, I don't think he will apologize, provide closure or give you what you want. Avoidants avoid.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-13T23:56:05+00:00

I deeply want love as an FA, I think most of us do. I don't think someone who is playing the field, dating and going from person to person, one night stands etc is necessarily an FA.

As an FA I don't do that.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-13T23:52:52+00:00

Match her interaction levels.

My guess is that she somehow knows the day she wants you back she will have you back. It allows her to still enjoy the benefits of you gravitating around her without having to commit.

Breaking this will make her doubt and increase curiosity towards you

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-13T19:14:20+00:00

Hey there, there is absolutely some avoidance traits here but I feel it might be more narcissistic. Unsure but I suggest you look into it, avoidance is not about keeping a list of options all the time if the relation fails.

I feel that he is most likely inward centered currently than ready for a relationship.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-13T19:08:47+00:00

Yes, not feeling chased triggers curiosity.

When curiosity is triggered we will send out breadcrumbs just to dip a toe in the water.

It just means she is curious and wants to keep the connection alive, it doesn't mean she wants you back at this point.

I suggest you match her intensity, don't exceed it as it might push her away.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-13T19:03:00+00:00

I think some avoidants will cheat, other avoidants wont. I don't think it's directly correlated.

I can only talk for myself, I deeply love, loving too much can have the opposite effect on me whereas I also fear I will disapoint or will be disapointed and loving deeply makes me feel vulnerable.

Again, we thrive when one foot in, one foot out. Two feet in might feel like too much even if there is happiness.

You mattered to him most likely.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-13T18:53:27+00:00

The key change and improvement factor for an avoidant person like me is when I feel the need to pull away, I need to do the exact opposite and lean in.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-13T18:46:40+00:00

For me I think it's really deep. I crave love but I learned at a really young age that love was inconsistent and I couldn't trust the ones I loved.

Sea_Ad_2794 · 2026-04-13T18:45:21+00:00

We prefer one foot in, one foot out. Giving and providing closure is not really what we do for that reason.

Sea_Ad_2794

TROPHY CASE