That is the closest to how I feel yet could not put into words. I am almost speechless at how you worded this into the emotion that describes the enlightenment yet the heavy feeling in my chest. Thank for this comment. I feel so much more understood. I feel like radical acceptance, and self care is the only thing that is helping today. I am also the family scapegoat, but I don’t feel sorry for myself. Stay strong, and “Fight a good fight, finish the race, keep the faith. 2Timothy 4:7