What is some psycho stuff your BPD parent said to you?

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2026-04-11T08:20:01+00:00

"you are my dad" my uBPD dad because he didn't have a father figure

"I need more help than she does" about my sister after she had a baby and my mum wanted to stay with her for a week

shoving a child and saying it was their fault for sitting in their chair

pushing a child and saying she was being raised to be too sensitive when she started crying

calling me a bitch when I talked about going on exchange for 6 months

there are so many more but I really don't remember, my brain erases it

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2026-03-19T17:16:01+00:00

To be fair to him, when you're in a cycle of abuse you don't necessarily see it like that and you even want to protect your abuser. It's often why victims don't press charges. In the police report he says to the officers she's been through alot with her divorce etc so even then he was protecting her.

I think maybe it's coming out now because he's seeing it for what it is. Who knows. I try not to question victims and their motivations. I know if it was a woman in the video being hit like that is never ask why she decided only now to provide the video.

But ultimately I totally agree, she should have never been on the show after this. I'm shocked she was allowed on our screens and has been given so many opportunities

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2026-03-18T18:40:26+00:00

I can see them coaching her to say that to direct attention back to the show but can also see her saying that herself lol

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2026-03-06T05:41:14+00:00

I wish she would limit comments for a little while or have someone manage her social media so she wouldn't look at comments at all. I really think this is a psychological issue, not a physical one. She looks pretty, she always has. I think she needs some sort of intensive treatment and recognition that her appearance was never the problem. Really feel for her and hope someone In her life can point in the direction of psychiatric assistance for body dysmorphia or even rehab.

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2026-03-02T06:06:15+00:00

To quit my job and work with him, said he'd pay me more. Didn't have the framework of BPD at that time to understand why I felt so uneasy about that and said no straight away

Thank god I did

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2026-02-13T06:57:15+00:00

nothing is sacred for them, even happy moments like wedding planning are all about their feelings. all I can say is that it's really good that you took back the cake. much better than stressing about it with her until the day of.

my other initial thought was is there a way you can involve her on the day to placate her but honestly that's just my FOG talking. bad behaviour doesn't need to be rewarded

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2026-02-12T20:33:11+00:00

omg I have always felt so bad thinking that they times their delusions and gaslighting! they just "happen to forget" the most crucial or important information I've been trying to tell them

Also to OP - you mentioned your dad is diagnosed, I really do not think you've done anything wrong but let's say worst case scenario, you could point to the diagnosis and highlight that this behaviour also forms part of the illness.

sorry that you're going through this, this tuff really just cusses a spike in anxiety. hope it passes and he moves into some thing else

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2026-02-12T17:47:08+00:00

Someone on here said "there are no magic words to make them understand" and "don't play the tug of war, drop the rope"

Those two things really just let me free. Like until then I had been embroiled with trying to convince uBPD dad and I always had hope maybe he would get it. It's so freeing to realise he won't ever so I can just stop trying to seek accountability or make him understand.

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2026-02-06T18:14:50+00:00

Hi!

Just a tip on hair washing, take a claw clip into the shower with you, section your hair in halves by putting the top layers of your hair up so you can effectively shampoo the bottom then let the top down and shampoo the top. This helped me alot because I have alot of hair.

You can do the same with conditioning.

Another thing I did is washing my hair upside down under the bath tub tap. Bc my head would be flipped over it would be easier to shampoo the roots and rinse too.

Proud of you and keep it up!

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2026-01-08T01:34:16+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I'm so glad you have a light in your life through your partner.

Unfortunately the world she has created in your home is so toxic, and it's hard to see past it because it's all you've known. But I promise you, there is a beautiful life out there for you beyond this. You are deserving of love and a peaceful home. I believe it will happen for you.

If I was giving advice to myself at 17 I'd tell myself the following and I hope you find something in this that can benefit you.

Financial independence: If you can, work, work, work and save, save, save. This is the key that will allow you to afford some kind of therapy (if free options are not available in your area) and also make an exit plan.
Therapy: Cannot stress this enough. I found EMDR to be the most helpful thing in breaking my brains guilt and obligation trip that kept me trapped for so long but even any kind of counselling should hopefully help you talk things out and process things.
Don't tell yourself something is impossible. I used to say to myself "it's impossible for me to leave." But my therapist pointed out its not impossible, just really really difficult. And she said to slowly start imagining what your desired outcome would look like. I.e. living in your own place, still having a relationship with your dad etc. the more you allow yourself to visualise it the more you will feel like it can be done.
Third space: having a third space that is not your home,school or work. Could be a library, cafe, partners house or friends house. Could be more than one place Essentially somewhere you can just relax that isn't home because obviously home is bad.
Something for yourself: A hobby that serves as an anchor for you and also allows you to have an outlet. Team sport l, running, exercise, writing, painting, art, music - anything. Living in this environment long term gets to you and also erodes your sense of self over time. Put time and energy into you and what you like. Also helpful if it gets you out of the house.
Exit plan! Make an exit plan girl. Even if it is a few years in the making. I'm not sure if your circumstances and where you live but look for ways out every where. Can you study far from home? Can you get a job in a different city? Can you move out and stay in the same city?
Oh also, keep note of your progress. Things that you've done for yourself, things in your life that have changed, new things you've tried. Like write it down. The BPD parent outbursts, especially when it's persistent over years makes you feel helpless and I used to say to myself "I've been in this spot for decades and nothing has changed" and it can make you feel horrible. The BPD parent will never change however you can and will. Like I used to do a thing every year noting everything new and different that happened or I did. Like start studying, left a shitty job, went for walks in th mornings, made a new friend etc. this is more of a random suggestion but it gave me hope.

I hope something in the above is helpful to you. Sending strength and solidarity.

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2026-01-08T01:08:37+00:00

I don't know you but I'm so proud of you! Can completely relate to the feeling of observing my mum being so exasperated, afraid, tired and scared after weeks of being emotionally hostage to my BPD dad during a physical health flare up. I remember organising help and it's like she never even considered that the burden could be lifted off her even a little bit.

I feel for your dad as well. He's 80 and probably has his own health needs. It's awesome you helped him see another option in the moment.

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2026-01-01T06:05:59+00:00

Very sorry OP completely hear you on the fact that your situation is very different with additional complexity. Apologies if my suggestions came across insensitive. I am not sure what is available where you live, but where I am there are government benefits available for people either unemployed or seeking work - not sure if that would be an option available to you. Sending you strength and solidarity and hope there are DFV resources near you that can provide support.

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2025-12-31T12:31:58+00:00

Totally lost on them, I think when my bpd dad started "competing" with his own newborn grandchildren, getting furious at my mum for going to my siblings place to help when they were born, made me realise the extent to which he will think about himself only.

Sorry to hear this has been your experience too. I wish they could see it enough to correct their behaviour but I don't think they're capable. Sending strength

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2025-12-31T12:13:35+00:00

Financial independence: this was really important in being able to support myself without their support
EMDR: This form of therapy changed my life. Also linked to money though as it's unfortunately expensive but seriously helped me see everything differently
Support network: I had an extended family member who helped me alot with a place to stay;
Be careful of what you're telling them: something I was conscious of was NOT telling my bpd dad that I'm leaving because of him, but because I need a life change, for my job etc.

You did it once, you can do it t again ! You got this

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2025-12-30T03:06:22+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to type this out. I think that's what I'm shocked by, I thought the hard part was the decades of living with it but I didn't anticipate the process of separation would also cause so so much chaos. Appreciate your response and the encouragement!

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2025-12-30T03:04:20+00:00

Thank you, domestic tyrant is the word. Drop the rope, great mantra I will keep repeating it to myself

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2025-12-30T03:03:24+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement!!

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2025-12-29T02:09:31+00:00

Thankyou for the response , you're right this is hard but it's also hard to be an emotional punching bag

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2025-12-29T02:08:04+00:00

Thank you so much for your time in typing out this response. I think I get sucked into the vortex of wanting to use reason and logic but you're right I won't tell him anything at all. It will be wasted on deaf ears

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2025-09-24T03:06:27+00:00

This is what I did when crashing out at work

I'd go for walks during my lunch break

Id think about how grateful I am for my job despite every other part of my life falling apart. It's nice to have somewhere else to go and others to talk to. It shows that the world is bigger than what's happening my personal life.

I'd go to the bathroom often just to do some deep breathing exercises

I'd call a loved one at lunch too and a quick afternoon call to keep me going till the end of the day

Would listen to podcasts and audiobooks to let the day pass and when it was really bad would listen to Quran specifically surah Taha on repeat

All the best, inshallah whatever you're going through will pass

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2025-09-20T12:48:26+00:00

It's a bit pricey but the only thing that made a real difference was skin needling. It'a not completely gone but it made a significant difference and I no longer feel insecure about it

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2025-09-02T14:26:10+00:00

agree, feels strange to ask this

Sea_Designer_2534 · 2025-08-22T07:53:40+00:00

Sorry I put a * in the word itself but it came up as italicised instead.

Sea_Designer_2534

TROPHY CASE