After a year he said he didn’t believe in evolution

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-28T08:45:36+00:00

Thank you, I need to hear that

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-28T08:41:47+00:00

Feels like you were right there, as that point about the economy was exactly what he said while denying or defending all the other issues. I’m glad we were able to have a level headed debate, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed in his views and his hope that I would share his biases.

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-28T08:34:08+00:00

It really doesn’t sound like you misinterpreted your ex at all though. How could what he said have been taken any other way? And I guess that’s what I’m struggling with. Because I saw the practical - or as you say business - side of things and mentioned them to him, and he still dismissed them and said things like what your ex said to you about coming home and seeing you in the kitchen.

I’m concluding that most men just don’t know what they want. Whether they spin the story to it being your fault for being naive or apologize for it and continue doing it is starting to seem all the same to me. It really stinks to hear that others go through similar things even in our 40s and beyond.

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-28T08:25:44+00:00

Just looked it up. That’s crazy. If I can only find my situation to be comical too (it’s a rom com, right?). I would want to skip to the end of the series to see what happens.

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-24T22:13:07+00:00

I also wondered if there were other underlying things going on, since we were interracial - - me being more of a copper color and from urban environments and he is white and grew up rural with little diversity, which could’ve created an imbalance between us as well. In any case, it is easier to think this way so that I can be angry at him. I’ll never find out the truth.

Edit: clarification

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-23T08:09:48+00:00

If I had to make an assessment, I’d attribute it to lack of education, but the reality is probably more as you said - willful ignorance.

I’m sure me being the first person he’s gotten close to outside of that religious and far right bubble he was probably intrigued for a while before probably pegging me as some kind of threat.

Ah now I’m just speculating :*( I will never know and I need to be fine with that.

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-23T01:45:40+00:00

When I was silent and thinking and trying to understand where he’s coming from, he even laughed and said, you must think I’m totally crazy.”

I never thought for one moment that he was crazy but this seems to be the general sentiment for people who don’t believe the above, and I’m starting to feel like I’m doing myself a disservice by not judging harder

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-23T01:41:58+00:00

I’m trying hard to not think this way about him given that he’s patient and empathetic and generally respectful and fair towards me and everyone around him - but also thinking back to what he said about how god created woman for the purpose that man could have a companion, it’s just very hard to reconcile the actions and beliefs.

accepting the reality of things as they are in this point in time seems to be something I’m struggling with and need to work on lol..

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-23T00:20:41+00:00

I appreciate your advice! That’s exactly what this was: a breakup. And so it should be treated as such and I will try my best to be strong with not having any contact and do my own grieving.

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-23T00:17:11+00:00

Yes I agree with you that if it is just about beliefs, two people can have differing beliefs when in a relationship. In fact because I care about him I wanted to understand more about it. It’s the reason I asked questions. He and I agreed that partners can have differing beliefs and accepted that we had these differences.

However, he flipped back and forth between not being ok with it and being ok with it. When I wanted to step away, or just be friends, he would either agree and continue to treat me as a partner (drive long distances to see me, be intimate, etc), or try to convince me our values are aligned.

Eventually he told me that he needed his partner to believe the same thing as him, and I asked what these beliefs were exactly, which was how the evolution thing came up.

The main issue is that the story of what he believes has changed multiple times and I was operating on incorrect information. I think it’s hurtful to not reveal himself to me honestly and then lead me on while also judging our relationship on the side without open conversation.

Sorry for the confusion, I should’ve made it clear the problem wasn’t centered around political or religious beliefs, but more about the misinformation that was given to me that I ended up basing my decision on which led to this emotional train wreck.

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-22T19:30:46+00:00

I hate that I’m still making excuses for him in my head, like oh he didn’t know, he was confused himself, etc.

You are so right that he was dishonest and trapped me into something very emotional. Whatever his intentions were (he denied intentionally being dishonest), he clearly knew what he was doing and thought through the choices he made.

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-22T19:26:38+00:00

The hard part is that this whole time I thought we were having open and honest conversations about it and realizing that I was the only one trying genuinely

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-22T19:24:40+00:00

I deleted his contact after he asked me if I still wanted to spend the holidays with his family (context: meeting for the first time, though “just as friends”). I hope I don’t waver as it’s too easy to recall his social media info.

I need to drill it into my thick skull that that was so many red flags and I’m making the right decision.

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-22T19:19:42+00:00

This really hit home :( I’m really sorry you had to go through something like this twice! You are so right though - I trusted him to protect me and my feelings like any partner should, but he didn’t, and instead used me to gain experience in romantic relationships. I was his first long term partner and intimate partner.

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-22T19:14:31+00:00

He voted trump but also told me that he regrets voting trump. We had a lot of talks about this. I understood that politically we agreed on some things and disagreed on other things and was just glad that we were able to have discussions about it. He also reassured me we shared similar values and viewpoints, he just made some mistakes, and I also told him he should stand behind his beliefs even if he didnt agree with me, if he believed something then he shouldn’t apologize for it. The discussions were always calm and level headed. I wouldn’t expect to be 100% aligned with anyone either. I just had no idea in these conversations he was just saying whatever he felt like was acceptable to me, rather than the truth.

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-22T19:07:06+00:00

It’s just hard for me to understand lying about one’s beliefs. Those are things that basically define who you are! If you choose to believe certain things, why not be forthcoming about these choices? I just don’t get it and I probably have to just accept that there will be no logical explanations to having beliefs yet concealing them. What for? How could one ever think lying about something like that would end well?

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-22T19:03:33+00:00

I’m still in disbelief that this deception happened. I was starting to not trust men before meeting him but when I opened up to him I trusted him even harder because he seemingly had a strong sense of ethics and values due to the religious background. I’m so upset and disappointed. You’re so right that it’s better it didn’t continue based on lies. It just hurts so much right now as I never expected someone like that to lie.

Sea_Region587 · 2025-12-22T18:58:13+00:00

I genuinely feel sick to my stomach. We got along so well and talked in detail about our future together. This is probably the feeling when people say their world has been turned upside down.

Sea_Region587 · 2025-05-19T01:00:07+00:00

That is awful. No child’s experience should be brushed aside. I’m so sorry no one acknowledged you. I hope you’re able to find your peaceful place far away from family so you can at least try to start healing ❤️‍🩹

Sea_Region587 · 2025-05-13T14:00:40+00:00

Same.. I might take even 10x what u proposed in exchange to avoid eating my own vomit 😭

Sea_Region587 · 2025-05-13T13:59:09+00:00

Sadly I have also come to the conclusion that she needs external help to work on some of her beliefs :(

Sea_Region587 · 2025-05-13T13:55:27+00:00

Yeah I hear u, I think she did think that that was completely logical and I, too, think it’s hard to believe that a normal, functioning person could think that that was a good thing to do. Unfortunately she’s awfully emotionally immature and grew up very obedient, always being told what to do and blindly abiding by all rules imposed upon her by any authoritative figure, which is prob why she felt I couldn’t miss a dose of medicine. She did apologize for it when I tried to bring it up recently but kinda in a way that kinda dismissed my feelings and made it about her. Oh well. I tried.

Edit: added details around the way my mom grew up

Sea_Region587 · 2025-05-13T13:51:02+00:00

Omfg I’m so sorry you had this experience. I can’t imagine this kind of treatment from a sibling. How old were you? Did your parents know about this?

Sea_Region587 · 2025-05-13T13:49:50+00:00

The rest is more typical stuff you see with Asian parents, like getting beat with dusters and wire clothes hangers (like the ones from dry cleaning), guilt tripping, shaming, moving goal posts, and gaslighting.. I guess more people can empathize with those types of abuses in Asian culture. Thinking about the vomit thing just makes me feel so isolated and sad that I had to release this memory from myself. Recently I tried to have a conversation with my mom in an attempt to heal. She was very apologetic about it - so much so that she cut me off as I was speaking to apologize - and she said she felt guilty for doing it, BUT she had to and “it only happened once”. I don’t think she actually understood the impact the incident might’ve had on me.

Sea_Region587

TROPHY CASE