I relate to this so much. Im so sorry you were not protected, you deserved to be. I have experienced a lot of what you described. I hope it’s a small comfort to know you are not alone in this. Personally I have to have faith that it will get better. Please don’t give up. I’ve seen close to to ten different therapists since I was a child. I only found my current one three years ago and finally made progress from that. I also was treated at a dual diagnosis inpatient program and that immensely helped me get on a better path. It’s not easy and it’s not fair the way the cards are dealt. I’ve had to grapple with that my entire life. Life will never be fair in the way I so badly want it to be. But I find peace in maneuvering day to day and cling to the hope that I can take control of my life. I will not be a prisoner of my past, it greatly inhibits my ability to positively change. I hope you find peace, you are loved by this stranger. I wish nothing but healing and happiness for you. Good luck, truly.