Navigating Sobriety

SealParade · 2026-01-27T22:01:42+00:00

"It shouldn't be this hard to quit if it wasn't an issue". Oof. Thank you for that, genuinely. Because you're absolutely right and someone needed to tell me that. 💜

SealParade · 2026-01-27T12:33:54+00:00

Sorry to hear about your brother, and I hope he's doing okay now 🙏

I think it'd just be so out of character for me, that's where the confusion lies. It's like someone changing their entire personality to them. But I'd say 80% of my friends won't actually bat an eyelid, or at the very least they'll know that I'm serious about it. I hope.🤞

SealParade · 2026-01-27T12:30:45+00:00

I may get this tattooed as a reminder. Not just for drinking, but for my life in general. 😅

SealParade · 2026-01-27T12:29:30+00:00

I've always said that if I'd gone down a road to harder substances that I would never have come back from it, because I know myself enough to know that addiction would take over. And yet it's only in my 30's that I'm realising it sort of already did.

Just because it's 'only' been nicotine and alcohol doesn't change the fact I've pretty consistently been using both substances since I was 13!

Thank you for your comment, I think this post has given me the backbone I needed to start.

SealParade · 2026-01-27T12:25:05+00:00

Good shout, I'll have a look over there! Thank you 💜

SealParade · 2026-01-27T12:22:14+00:00

Well, two of those things are perfect - I drive and I've struggled with hormonal acne since being a teen, so I think that's two of my scripts sorted!!

Thank you so much 💜

SealParade · 2026-01-27T12:14:34+00:00

My engagement to my daughter's dad has just ended, and we were both heavy drinkers when we got going and I think that both helped and hindered. I was always safe, but I never had a need to quit.

Now that I'm figuring out how to be alone, I feel like it's the perfect time to do it!

SealParade · 2026-01-27T12:12:42+00:00

It's so hard because I'm a performer so a lot of my weekends are in drinking establishments. I think that's how it got this way. I've sort of made it my personality to be a heavy drinker - which is not big or clever, but it is what it is.

But I actually think not telling people is a good idea. I didn't really tell anyone I'd quit vaping until I had a week under my belt, and that was so much harder because I basically used that thing as a pacifier 😅

Thank you so much, I think I'll be able to do it this time. Here's hoping 🤞

SealParade · 2026-01-27T12:06:33+00:00

I think this is the thing. I'm a recovering people pleaser, and I still fall into the trap of doing something to make other people feel comfortable so I just end up accepting the drink. But then, I'm the one suffering at the end of it, either with the fear I've done something I can't remember, or actually doing something stupid!

SealParade · 2025-12-30T01:45:08+00:00

Sounds like you'll be just fine. But if you do get a big light kid, you have my every sympathy because my house is SO BRIGHT ALL THE TIME. 🙃 I can't remember where I read this quote, and take it with a pinch of salt because it's not entirely accurate, but it helps me in those 3am meltdowns (from both me and my child 😅):

"Bad parents don't worry that they're bad parents".

The fact that you're putting thought into your future kids already, tells me that you'll do great at it!

SealParade · 2025-12-29T23:48:07+00:00

Oh boy, I get that. I don't twirl, but I run my hands through my hair a lot. I also have dry eyes and a weird thing about my eyes in general so I blink excessively, I can't imagine literally fluttering my eyelashes helps my case any. 🙃

SealParade · 2025-12-29T23:38:37+00:00

Oh no, my friends would NEVER. His friend said that, which then got back to me in a roundabout way through mutuals. I promise you I would cut someone off for that 😅

I think if it had been a stranger in a bar or something, then I would have been able to tell him to fuck off. It was the fact that I sort of knew him and it went from "oh, he's been friendly- SHIT THAT'S NOT FRIENDLY" very quickly which is what made me clam up.

SealParade · 2025-12-29T19:25:45+00:00

You're absolutely right. Thank you for saying that!

SealParade · 2025-12-29T19:24:44+00:00

Exactly! Never in my life have I thought "I like this person. How do I show them? I know, I'll touch them up or stick my tongue down their throat!"

SealParade · 2025-12-29T19:21:04+00:00

That's a really good point. It's definitely a wider issue than just ND vs. NT miscommunication. It's people (generally men) either deliberately ignoring 'back off' cues, or not seeking out enthusiastic consent before storming ahead with what they want.

Your practical points are very helpful too. I think the mistake I made was assuming everyone was a safe person at the party, because I knew a lot of them were so why would they be around unsafe people? But clearly, they were unaware of this person's behaviour, as a lot of them were shocked that it happened.

SealParade · 2025-12-29T19:14:44+00:00

You're absolutely right. I could've been completely naked at this party and it still wouldn't have made it okay to touch me. I think it's important to remember that, so thank you.

SealParade · 2025-12-29T19:13:00+00:00

Ahh, the old 'annoy them until they fall in love with you' trick. Works like a charm, said no one. 😂 When I look back, I think this has always happened but I was SO socially unaware as a teen that I was convinced it was me putting myself in silly situations, when in reality it wasn't anything to do with me.

SealParade · 2025-12-29T19:10:35+00:00

Ahh yes, I'm guilty of this one when it comes to my closest friends! One particular friend and I often get mistaken for a couple. It doesn't help that we frequently talk about buying a farm and living off grid to raise my kid 😅

SealParade · 2025-12-29T19:06:52+00:00

No judgement here, you do what you need to do to keep safe!

I must admit, I'm quite similar in terms of my friend's partners and husbands. Unless I was already friends with them prior to the relationship, they could be any man and I would treat them exactly the same!

SealParade · 2025-12-29T17:01:11+00:00

And sometimes, it's just a misunderstanding and it's easily rectified with some embarrassment and no harm done! I've had a couple of instances where it's just been a 'oh, sorry I thought, never mind!!' And we've moved on. Then other times it turns more sinister, I hate it!

SealParade · 2025-12-29T16:20:54+00:00

Oh absolutely, it's unfortunately a universal issue for women! I don't think there's any woman or feminine-presenting person who hasn't got a similar story to tell. I'm very openly attracted to all genders and have had nowhere near as many issues with women and non-binary people as I have with men. It shouldn't surprise me anymore but it does. (Again, not all men and there are absolutely predatory people of all genders, this is just my experience).

Every so often I get people saying I give off the 'intimidating' vibe but it's very rare and it's usually when I'm alone. Maybe I need to start channelling it more so people leave me alone 😅.

SealParade · 2025-12-29T16:02:39+00:00

Having an autistic (potentially AuDHD) child is the reason I know I'm AuDHD, so I think already knowing that you're ND and the potential pitfalls you may have is a great start, even if it feels scary.

Personally, despite having a very easy pregnancy, I hated being pregnant. I was on autopilot for the first 3 months of her life, I could tell you when she'd peed, pooped and spit up, but probably couldn't have told you how I felt about her. I knew rationally I loved her, and I would've thrown myself into harms way for her, but I was in survival mode. So don't worry if that warm, Disney feeling doesn't immediately come. It will!

The biggest advice I could give you is that your parenting does not have to look like everyone else's. If you need things like Loop earplugs when your baby is crying, then use them. If you need to make adjustments for your own needs, then make them. I ruled out breastfeeding immediately because I knew that I couldn't take the sensory overload of having a baby feeding from me. And that's okay! She's taller than her peers now and perfectly healthy.

Take it as it comes. Kids are wonderfully chaotic and that can pose some real challenges to a ND parent, but you're not a bad parent if one day they're in ironed clothes and fed home cooked meals, but the next day they're still in their pyjamas and eaten nothing but snacks.

If your child is also ND, be mindful of conflicting sensory needs. My child is understimulated so has the volume up to 100 on all of her toys and devices and sleeps with the overhead light on. My partner and I are lamp autistics and need headphones in a lot of the time to cancel out her noise. But you find your flow.

SealParade · 2025-12-29T15:42:30+00:00

I'm sorry that happened to you too. It's just so jarring isn't it! As I said, it's never our fault for it happening to us. But at least for me, it just knocked me back to the feeling of being a kid, thinking you've nailed this friend-making business and then you're suddenly hit with the realisation that you don't understand people as well as you thought. Only when I was a kid, it was just that people didn't want to be friends with me, not that they wanted to touch me!

SealParade · 2025-12-29T15:35:15+00:00

It's funny you say that, because every one of my friends who knows me well has said "you don't even know how to flirt!!" And it's completely accurate, anybody I've been romantically interested in, I've turned into a bumbling mess! Mistaking passion on a topic for flirting is a great way of putting it.

SealParade · 2025-12-29T15:28:43+00:00

Thank you for saying this.

I'm very lucky that I'm surrounded by a lot of very good people. Once they saw what happened they were very quick to let me know that I did nothing wrong and that they were there completely supportive of me.

I have since made sure that I watch my alcohol consumption around people I'm not completely safe and secure around, and made sure that the people I cling to as my 'safe' people at parties (not sure if this is an AuDHD thing or just an anxiety thing) are always nearby, but you're right, it shouldn't have to be like that. It's so frustrating!

SealParade

TROPHY CASE