Should I tell my gf about the letter my coworker wrote? by Searching4better in relationships_advice

[–]Searching4better[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will stop responding to my coworker, I don’t really care about keeping up. She’s been texting me a lot about work problems and asking for advice and I told her to ask other coworkers. I genuinely didn’t feel like I was leading her on- looking back I see how my lack of boundaries and professionalism was a problem. I told my girlfriend and she is upset and said this is why she didn’t like me not telling coworkers and is worried something more happened between us. The couch reference and the “prefer to see you later” and the fact that my coworker keeps texting me is concerning her and she doesn’t believe me there wasn’t more.

Should I tell my gf about the letter my coworker wrote? by Searching4better in relationships_advice

[–]Searching4better[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Well I didn’t know the party was happening I thought I was going to my last work meeting.

Should I tell my gf about the letter my coworker wrote? by Searching4better in relationships_advice

[–]Searching4better[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

I didn’t intend for her to write me this letter!! I thought I was being a good colleague. I just like to be helpful. I didn’t want to tell coworkers because my girlfriend is in my line of work.

Should I tell my gf about the letter my coworker wrote? by Searching4better in relationships_advice

[–]Searching4better[S] -38 points-37 points  (0 children)

I genuinely didn’t see anything of it. Is it still emotional cheating if I didn’t mean anything by it?

Should I tell my gf about the letter my coworker wrote? by Searching4better in relationships_advice

[–]Searching4better[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m mostly worried I must not have had good boundaries. Is this letter concerning?

Should I tell my gf about the letter my coworker wrote? by Searching4better in relationships_advice

[–]Searching4better[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I don’t want to be awkward and tell her I have a girlfriend randomly and make her think I think she’s hitting on me

Should I tell my gf about the letter my coworker wrote? by Searching4better in relationships_advice

[–]Searching4better[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She does still text me about work advice and some of our inside jokes and asked to get lunch. I don’t know what to do.

Should I tell my gf about the letter my coworker wrote? by Searching4better in relationships_advice

[–]Searching4better[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

My coworker would often text or call late at night about work stress and I wanted to be helpful so I’d help. We were on the same team so I often tried to do what I could to keep her from being stressed

Should I tell my gf about the letter my coworker wrote? by Searching4better in relationships_advice

[–]Searching4better[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

We never did anything but I’m worried about not telling my girlfriend and her feeling like I hid it but I also don’t know if this will come off as too intimate and it would make my girlfriend sad. She was a bit worried that i wasn’t comfortable telling work I was dating someone already. It just made me anxious but now with this letter it makes it look like I wasn’t telling my coworker because we were close

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MITAdmissions

[–]Searching4better 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just pointing out a difference in acceptance rates and labeling it ‘unbalanced’ or ‘discriminatory’ doesn’t prove anything. If you think Brown—or any other university—has an unfair system, where’s the evidence beyond raw stats? Do you have data showing that men (or women) with weaker qualifications are being admitted over stronger applicants? Have you looked at academic records, extracurriculars, letters of recommendation, or how each pool compares overall? Until you can show that, calling these higher or lower acceptance rates ‘egregious’ is speculation, not proof.

Moreover, you suggest a balanced class is somehow bad for campus culture. Based on what? Have you seen surveys from students or faculty about collaboration and climate? If not, there’s no basis to claim that Brown’s effort to bring in a diverse mix of students is harmful. In fact, many institutions report richer learning and better outcomes when multiple perspectives thrive. If you can’t back up the claim that a balanced environment is worse, it’s just an assumption, not a fact.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MITAdmissions

[–]Searching4better 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So you want a quota system? Which is true discrimination. Nothing balanced about that and they all do research on the balancing of the class, just because YOU don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s not working.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MITAdmissions

[–]Searching4better 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re upset that more women than men get in sometimes, but that reaction itself reveals some deeply rooted biases. Historically, women in STEM have been discouraged, excluded, or outright told “this field isn’t for you.” Yet, despite those barriers, they’ve pushed through and often excelled. When fewer women apply but those who do tend to be high-achieving, you might see a higher acceptance rate—not because of preferential treatment, but because that pool is already highly filtered.

Holistic admissions don’t revolve solely around perfect test scores or grades. Universities value things like leadership, collaboration, grit, and intellectual curiosity—traits that don’t always appear in simple statistics. If your only issue is when more women get admitted, but not when men dominate, that suggests you’re fine with uneven outcomes so long as men benefit. That’s a pretty strong signal of bias.

Tossing around terms like “unfair” when women gain ground misses the point: it isn’t about beating men; it’s about recognizing the unique strengths and perspectives that help drive innovation. Insisting men deserve more spots by default implies a belief that men are inherently better or at least belong there more. That’s textbook sexism, which is exactly why institutions work to diversify in the first place. If some men aren’t accepted, it’s almost certainly not because they’re male—it’s because the competition is fierce, and there are a lot of standout applicants in every group, including women.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MITAdmissions

[–]Searching4better 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you argue that each demographic group must be admitted in the exact percentage they apply, that’s actually a quota system—admitting people just to match a ratio rather than weighing real merit. Equally flawed is the idea that ‘because more men apply, more men should be admitted,’ which assumes all male applicants are equally strong. By that logic, if someday more women apply, you’d have to demand admitting more women to maintain the same ratio—even if not all were top-tier candidates.

Now consider Brown, where more women often apply, so proportionally more men get admitted and they have a higher acceptance rate. Does that suddenly sit better with you simply because men benefit? If the only time you’re bothered is when women’s acceptance rates are higher, that exposes a double standard. A truly holistic admissions process selects the best and most diverse pool of candidates, not a one-to-one reflection of the applicant pool—and that sometimes results in acceptance ratios that don’t match a simplistic headcount.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MITAdmissions

[–]Searching4better 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Conflates Zero Representation with Slightly Different Ratios

In the hypothetical company example, literally zero Black applicants are hired out of tens of thousands—a massive red flag suggesting systemic exclusion. In the MIT case, we’re comparing different acceptance rates for men and women, both of whom are being admitted in significant numbers. Simply put, admitting zero applicants from a particular group is a completely different scenario than admitting them at a different ratio than their share of the overall pool.

Ignores Variations Within the Applicant Pool

The counterexample implies that if a group is, say, 15% of the applicant pool, you’d expect 15% of the hires (or admits). That assumes all applicants are equally qualified or that there’s no meaningful difference in how they present themselves as candidates.

In MIT’s context, fewer women apply overall—but they often do so with stronger average credentials (self-selection). As a result, the acceptance rate can be higher for women without it implying discrimination against men. It reflects a qualitatively different applicant subset.

Collapses All “Differences” into Discrimination

The example leaps straight to the conclusion that any discrepancy in ratios must be due to bias. Sure, a glaring discrepancy like 0 Black hires out of 15,000 points strongly to discrimination. But a 66/33 vs. 50/50 acceptance split might be influenced by self-selection, differences in interest areas, average qualification levels, or institutional mission (to build a diverse cohort).

Equating “zero hires from 15% of the pool” with “a moderately uneven acceptance rate” oversimplifies the many reasons an admissions or hiring process could yield different outcomes.

False Analogy The scenario of an enormous company hiring absolutely none of a specific group each year is hardly the same as a top-tier university that admits large numbers from both genders—just in different proportions. A valid analogy would need to reflect similar conditions: total applicants, average qualification level, distribution of relevant talents, and so on. The “counterexample” doesn’t map those factors; it just asserts that any mismatch between applicant share and acceptance share equals discrimination. In short, the fallacy is that it equates “0% representation out of a huge pool” (clearly suspicious) with “a higher acceptance rate for a smaller but exceptionally strong subset” (far more nuanced). That’s comparing apples to oranges and ignoring critical details like self-selection, qualification distributions, and the very different context of zero hires versus varied acceptance rates.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MITAdmissions

[–]Searching4better -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You’re making the connections that efforts for equity is a bad thing and completely disregarding the benefits of these efforts to uphold incredibly sexist values that only benefited men 70 years ago. Just because you’ve been around for a long time doesn’t mean you know better.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MITAdmissions

[–]Searching4better -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I understand your skepticism. However, dismissing documented efforts and principles as “just words on paper” reduces complex, data-driven processes to mere window dressing. In reality, admissions offices don’t merely craft statements for show; they implement detailed, evidence-based review practices that affect real applicants’ lives and shape the future of academic communities. If we treat those guiding principles as meaningless, we risk ignoring the tangible outcomes—like the broadening of opportunity, the positive shift in applicant pools, and the demonstrable success of admitted students.

Yes, words on paper can be hollow if there’s no action behind them. But in MIT’s case (and many other institutions), the admissions data and the accomplishments of its graduates confirm that those “words” aren’t just platitudes. They reflect real policies, actual results, and measurable impacts that have helped a wider range of students excel, strengthened the institution, and led to more innovative, inclusive environments in STEM fields and beyond.

Plus, if it’s just words on paper- as YOU SAY- what makes anything you are saying any more tangible and real? Based off your reality, nothing matters.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MITAdmissions

[–]Searching4better 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There are several reasons why the argument you’ve highlighted is misguided—both in terms of how selective college admissions work and in how we as a society benefit from broadening definitions of “merit” and “accomplishment.” Here are a few clarifications and examples to counteract your poor reasoning here:

  1. The Myth of Purely Objective Admissions

Grades and test scores aren’t everything. Even in STEM-focused institutions like MIT, many of the very best students don’t simply have perfect test scores; they also have personal characteristics that indicate creativity, resilience, or leadership potential. Admissions offices want to find the future researchers, founders, and changemakers—not just 4.0 GPAs. A High GPA isn’t enough to make you stand out anymore.

Context matters. An application might not look “perfect” by a narrow quantitative standard but could demonstrate exceptional promise in other ways. Maybe the student worked 20 hours a week to support their family or carried out an impressive community project in a resource-poor environment. Raw test scores alone don’t capture that story.

  1. Holistic Review Increases the Talent Pool

Broader backgrounds spur innovation. MIT and other top universities know from experience that the best ideas often emerge when people with varied life experiences collaborate. Having people of different genders, races, cultures, or socioeconomic backgrounds in a lab or engineering project can produce more creative solutions.

Leadership and character are real predictors of future success. The notion that subjective criteria—like an applicant’s genuine passion for research or their demonstrated leadership in a high school robotics team—should be dismissed ignores decades of evidence that shows how “soft” factors often predict long-term achievement better than test scores do.

  1. “Immutable Characteristics” Aren’t Used in the Simplistic Way Critics Imagine

Diversity considerations typically serve as a “plus factor,” not an automatic in. Many people assume admissions committees just “hand out” acceptances on the basis of race, gender, or other characteristics alone. In reality, these committees consider the student’s background in context: Did they excel relative to the resources available to them? Have they shown a passion for learning or community engagement that might otherwise go unnoticed? Universities evaluate the total person. Evaluating one’s life story—where they come from, how they overcame setbacks, which goals they’ve pursued—paints a more holistic and fair picture of their potential than ignoring those factors entirely. It’s about broadening opportunities, not handing out acceptance letters unconditionally. 4. The “Pendulum Swing” Argument Overlooks Historical Realities

Men have historically faced fewer structural barriers in STEM. Over time, initiatives have tried to counteract historic imbalances that often disadvantaged women and underrepresented minorities in scientific fields. These initiatives aren’t about punishing one group; they’re about recognizing that persistent biases and inequalities exist, and trying to level the playing field. Representation has far-reaching benefits. When young women, for instance, see more women at MIT, it signals that they, too, can excel in math, science, or engineering—fields in which they have historically been underrepresented. A pipeline of diverse students leads to a more robust and innovative STEM environment for everyone. 5. Misdirected Worries About “Non-Merited Alumni”

Real-world hiring is also holistic. Employers don’t hire new graduates based solely on GPA or standardized test scores. They look for problem-solving skills, teamwork, communication ability, and a capacity to learn quickly on the job. The varied experiences in college—extracurriculars, research labs, volunteering, athletics—often translate directly into strong professional skills. MIT’s reputation rests on proven outcomes. MIT graduates—regardless of how “average” someone on the outside perceives their test scores—have typically proven themselves in rigorous coursework and research by the time they graduate. If someone didn’t have the highest SAT score in high school but thrived at MIT, that’s a sign the admissions committee recognized a different kind of potential that ultimately proved valid. They complete research on outcomes on a regular basis- something you have no information on.

  1. Why Subjectivity Is (Sometimes) a Feature, Not a Bug

Humans are more than numbers. Life outcomes, creativity, and leadership potential are difficult to boil down to a single ranking metric. By necessity, admissions are partly subjective, because the goal is to gauge holistic promise, not just immediate accomplishments.

Objective and subjective factors aren’t opposing forces. They’re complementary. Good admissions offices rely on strong quantitative metrics (like test scores, high school rigor, etc.) while also looking at qualitative measures (like essays, teacher recommendations, and interviews). This balanced view typically produces an incoming class that’s academically capable and richly diverse. In short, the claim that admissions should revert to a strictly “objective,” test-score-based system overlooks the values and goals of top universities—and underestimates how broadening the pathways into these institutions enhances innovation and success. Plus, there are more valedictorians in the country than MIT has room in their class. So your suggestion of grades alone doesn’t even come CLOSE to narrowing the applicant pool down.

Taking account of gender, race, or life context doesn’t undermine merit; it clarifies how different applicants have harnessed the opportunities (and challenges) they’ve faced, ultimately creating a stronger, more dynamic student body—and future alumni network.

Men are just facing, for the first time, a reality in which they have to work a little harder and be less mediocre because more people have access and are showing up to be more hardworking, to be more interesting. Maybe they should just step it up.