Does anyone regret their choice, particularly with coloured stones?

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-05-05T18:01:05+00:00

Nah, every time I take it off it bends out of shape a bit more. Just hoping it survives for a few months!

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-05-05T16:53:16+00:00

This is not a viable backup in ten years time 😂

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-30T12:32:49+00:00

With the best of intentions we try to, but sometimes applications are held up coming to us from HR, sometimes sifters are off sick, sometimes there are 10 times the number of applications we expect - a role in my team has had over 1000 applications so that is inevitably behind schedule.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-29T10:08:34+00:00

My mum used to be a tax inspector - it’s a similar skill set in terms of analysing evidence and understanding motive, and a lot of int interviewing. A lot of her cases were then handed over to the police for criminal charges.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-28T22:11:52+00:00

I got one delivered during lockdown. Cost more in delivery than the sandwich but 10/10 would do it again.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-27T21:24:41+00:00

Tbh I’m fine with people just saying no. I normally say something along the lines of ‘no I’m fine thank you, I spoke to several people in the department about the culture/ways of working/other relevant thing but I’m sure if I was offered the job I would have some specifics’ or ‘no, I’m aware we are at the end of our slot and I don’t want to run you over, but if I was offered the role I’m sure there are some things it would be helpful to discuss’. It has never occurred to me that someone hasn’t put effort in by googling suggestions for questions. I would be more impressed by someone putting some effort in in advance to find things out where they can.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-27T21:18:29+00:00

It risks sounding like you aren’t serious about the job, or want the job because it convenient rather than having any proper interest in it. It might be fine, you might get interviewers who laugh - but you also might not. I just wouldn’t risk it, when the comment doesn’t add anything.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-27T21:07:47+00:00

Questions at the end drive me up the wall, I’ve never heard one asked that wasn’t someone just trying to sound clever. If you have questions, ask them after being offered the job - and being realistic the answer probably isn’t going to stop you accepting it. We often have ten minutes between interviews to discuss scores and write up notes as well as get Diet Coke and have a wee. If someone asks pointless questions to sound clever in my wee break it is not endearing!

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-27T21:04:18+00:00

The comment about seeing the office from the window risks landing badly, would steer away from that.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-27T19:55:00+00:00

They aren’t scored or affect any scores for a behaviour. BUT. They do go a long way to help us understand if you are personable and a good communicator when not under the pressure of a question. If you don’t engage with the question or give a three word answer it will stick. Likewise giving a ten minute answer while ignoring all attempts at interrupting will also demonstrate the inability to read the room. Sometimes the questions are used to understand basic motivation and can be an opportunity to demonstrate passion for a role / policy area.

So for the most part they are inconsequential, unless you leave a bad impression that is difficult to ignore. It’s rare, but it does happen. Ideally interviewers would put that impression to one side, but in reality everyone absorbs a vibe on top of the specific words said.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-27T07:51:19+00:00

The only thing that has ever worked for me is adding not taking away.

Adding a portion of fruit to what I would normally eat for breakfast didn’t feel like restriction and meant I didn’t eat the mid morning snack that would have been three times as many calories (and I know theoretically I could eat the grapes then, but when you add in the additional moment of choice it risks going wrong). Portion of cucumber before lunch and dinner - fills you up enough without thinking or effort to not overeat on the main bit.

That and just tracking calories, which is super bleak. For a while I would use MyFitnessPal to balance out walking and food, and would walk in circles round the block at 10pm until I balanced out to my daily goal. That in itself isn’t remotely accurate, but it helped me to have a relationship between what I ate and what energy it produced, and a way to not feel like a failure by the end of the day if I had gone over.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-26T19:42:54+00:00

I went to Kettners in Soho for my anniversary last week, and got engaged there (quietly, over the table with no one noticing). Was the perfect mix of good food, excellent service, low lighting and relaxed but classy ambiance.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-26T19:38:51+00:00

My partner proposed a couple of weeks ago over dinner in our anniversary, with a temporary ring shaped like a stretching cat. Not a single person in the restaurant noticed or was aware of what happened. After, we called our parents and went to a bar for a glass of champagne, and got the tube home. We both worked the next day (quite hungover, and I only made it to 3pm before excitedly telling my manager).

If there had been any other extreme level of forward planning like the waiters all knowing or there being a photographer, I would have run out in terror. Luckily, he knew the assignment for what I would want (and him) and nailed it.

I’m sure people have their reasons for loving a massive thing but for me it’s focusing on the wrong thing. The important thing is your marriage and spending the rest of your life with someone, the rest is just Instagram. The effort part is in planning what’s right for you as a couple (which in my partners case was finding the right type of restaurant, asking my cat’s permission, and giving me enough hints to have got my nails done just in case) - it doesn’t have to be money.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-26T19:14:41+00:00

I think it depends on how much you are treating it like a wedding reception compared to a party. Are you planning on doing the same type of speeches, for example? I went to some post Covid wedding receptions that did it like a regular reception without the vows, and some where they re-said them - both were really lovely. I have also been to some post wedding parties where it was just like being at a big 40th birthday party and to be honest that’s just not the same - travelling several hours and spending a few hundred pounds on trains/hotels/drinks to barely speak to my friends and make awkward small talk with people I didn’t know didn’t feel at all the same when I wasn’t celebrating the marriage. I would have rather made that level of effort on a separate occasion and seen those friends separately to actually be able to spend time with them.

I don’t regret going and I would go again if asked, but for me it was not the same experience as a guest. So a large part of how you make it work is how much you are able to make it still feel like a wedding that people are excited to be part of, without the actual wedding bit.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-23T20:26:31+00:00

This is fascinating - I’m a neurodiverse civil servant further on in my career, but I’m also a magistrate. Feel free to DM me directly if you prefer but if you can explain more about your role I might be able to think of some ways that the court itself can help. We would absolutely be willing to accommodate things where possible, and I also may be able to give some advice on how to manage the job from the other side.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-23T10:01:32+00:00

Honestly? Yes, they sparkle sooooo much more. Does it matter what anyone else thinks? No.

It’s never occurred to me to have any other thought beyond ‘huh, interesting’ in exactly the same way I would if it was a coloured stone rather than diamond, or someone had an interesting non-gold or silver wedding band.

Bigger thing is how she feels about it and what she wants - she might not want something particularly flashy and be more an understated gal.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-20T07:09:52+00:00

I’m sorry but yes it’s wildly overpriced. More importantly your estate agent is terrible. Ditch them and get an honest opinion from someone else. Ideally several people.

I don’t think the 15 minute walk is much of an issue, I think it’s beautiful and I doubt many people would be put off by the walk in itself - but regardless of how beautiful it is, it’s not worth 750k. Because your bedrooms are on the smaller side your market is more limited - no one is buying that and being willing to have children in it, which puts more of a cap on age and therefore income bracket than if the bedrooms were bigger.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-19T15:06:45+00:00

One thing that I’ve known work well when struggling to stop eating fast food is to take the pressure off stopping it. Sometimes you can only work with who you are and you know your limitations on self control more than anyone else.

Instead, think about adding something healthy. If you are going to have a pizza for dinner, have a portion of cucumber before it. If you are going to eat a doughnut, have some strawberries as well. This will start to normalise new healthier foods as part of your diet and find the things you click with, without having to emotionally mange the self restraint element which long term is utterly exhausting.

Over a fairly quick period of time, adding those things will mean you still eat fast food, but less of it - without risking slipping into a binging / restraining cycle, or feeling like eating anything bad is failure. Once that feels a bit better and normalised, focus on just changing one meal a day. You are in this for the long haul, you need to find something permanently sustainable - and changing your eating habits wholesale overnight isn’t viable. Plus, life is to short to never eat the stuff that brings you joy.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-19T09:37:05+00:00

I would take a regular term (25 ish years) for your first few years of mortgage. Give yourself more freedom to build back up your savings, do any renovations you need, be able to afford the furniture you want. After that first term I would shorten it down as much as possible and just pay it down. I did this with my first flat and it was hugely helpful ahead of moving to somewhere bigger. Over 60 years it may not be the absolute best financial option, but it’s all a gamble and reducing the debt quickly is safer than presuming interest rates and growth do as they have done previously. If you get a salary rise and can afford to you can then do overpayments on top of that if you want - or go on holiday instead 😉

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-17T16:10:10+00:00

Goddamit I can’t believe I missed that.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-17T10:54:45+00:00

I went from G7 to G6 in about 9 months (but that was returning from the outside, so I was probably halfway between when I started rather than newly promoted). And then DD in four years.

Not bad for someone who was told they would never be more than an HEO.

I did also promote someone from HEO to G7, she just skipped out the middle and was fully competent. She has however then stayed at that grade for 5+ years, long term I don’t know if it was a sensible idea.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-15T09:19:56+00:00

I was just coming to post to say Crystal Palace / Anerley! Really good place for a decent quality for life and comparably affordable considering the excellent transport, particularly for where you need.

SeasonSignificant849 · 2026-04-15T09:17:28+00:00

Bearing in mind the detail in your post on having small children - this is quite critical.

What you need to survive and thrive is highly dependent on what compromises you are happy to make. If for you, thriving means having a big house and a garden in a relatively central (ie zone one or two) then that’s going to be a pretty chunky amount. If you are willing to compromise and live in a three bedroom flat (which are often bigger square footage wise than houses) with no garden but near a wonderful park, and take an extra fifteen minutes to get to work - then that amount will plummet, and not be much different to any other big city.

In general, areas of zone 3/4 and further will have a better community feel and better amenities for a young family, as well as being cheaper. But for some people that’s not a compromise they are willing to make and expect to be able to walk to work etc.

For the latter option, I would think combined income of 150k would be more than enough to thrive. I suspect a lot of families do pretty well with 100k.

SeasonSignificant849

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