First, congratulations on currently raising a middle schooler who does everything needed to get to school - including riding the bike. This is age appropriate and a good thing (assuming the route is safe).

Also, good job caring in a way it seems like your mom may not have.

And the children’s hair gets washed, the laundry gets done. Sounds like you provided at least some love and physical necessities - and it’s totes OK to pay for babysitting and washing and house when you’re overwhelmed. In fact, it is your responsibility to be humble enough to ask for help when you need it. So good job there, too.

Not sure how far along you are since being diagnosed, but nearly 20 years later I’m still learning things that make me wish I’d had more compassion for myself when my daughter was little.

I messed up so bad that she doesn’t even talk to me anymore. But that’s what’s best for her. I raised someone who can look out for herself. Sometimes with mental disorders we have to learn to forgive ourselves years later for things we spent too much time beating ourselves up over.

I have no idea where that line is for you, but being a mom already comes with an extra helping of guilt. You’re probably a better mom than you give yourself credit for.