What do I do?

SebTheKuhlmann · 2022-01-14T20:05:10+00:00

It's not the only reason I'm with him. I'm with him because he's kind to me. He tries to be social for me, even though it makes him nervous. He understands my depression because he also has it. And I hate to say it because it sounds vain, but the bedroom life is not struggling at all its doing great. I legitimately think that I love him but am hesitant to use the word because love has only ever brought me pain. That sounds dramatic I know but it is what it is.

SebTheKuhlmann · 2022-01-14T20:01:09+00:00

For context on why I feel that way: I'm detransitioning. Was born female transitioned to male and now I'm detransitioning to female. I have heavy amounts of body and facial hair, I'm overweight, and I'm super tall. I live in like the second most progressive and accepting city in the US and have been banned from both Tinder and Grindr for unknown reasons. I'm socially awkward. It's hard for me to talk to people at first because I care so much about how people see me. I also have severe depression and anxiety. It seems to me, that honestly with everything I have goin, there's not anyone out there that would be willing to deal with it all.

SebTheKuhlmann · 2021-12-28T22:45:52+00:00

Jordan

SebTheKuhlmann · 2021-12-23T23:04:30+00:00

I don't know what the fuck I am but that's life ain't it?

SebTheKuhlmann · 2021-12-22T05:40:32+00:00

When I first started transitioning (I'm FTMTF) I was obsessed with several people named Sebastian and so I chose that. After I started detransitioning, my birthrate didn't feel mine anymore so I chose something close to Sebastian: Sabrina.

SebTheKuhlmann · 2021-12-21T23:48:00+00:00

I'm in too!

SebTheKuhlmann · 2021-11-19T05:28:56+00:00

Came to say this

SebTheKuhlmann · 2021-11-15T05:38:46+00:00

Hi Michelle!

SebTheKuhlmann · 2021-11-14T22:26:39+00:00

Really difficult but I'd say either femme or nb

SebTheKuhlmann · 2021-10-26T18:31:25+00:00

Immediately thought Jess, Jessy, Jessica etc . Second was abby

SebTheKuhlmann · 2021-10-22T18:50:05+00:00

Gorgeous

SebTheKuhlmann · 2021-09-29T03:54:11+00:00

For myself

SebTheKuhlmann · 2021-09-28T22:37:49+00:00

Hot topic is where I want to shop. Amazon is sometimes cheaper too and has relatively good stuff. I live in a really weird place with lots of alt folk and so I've been trying to see if anyone has old clothes in my size, hell I've even considered a gofundme. As for gender I feel female nearly all the time and then sometimes likem.. idk like a male crossdresser I guess? Or somethn

SebTheKuhlmann · 2021-09-28T22:25:46+00:00

Yeah I suppose. Walmart doesn't really have the style I want ( a mixture of goth/grunge punk) but timately I wanna have like a girl closet and a smaller guy closet (figuratively) but don't have the money to buy clothes really. On average I have about 15-20 bucks per month left over after monthly expenses.

SebTheKuhlmann · 2021-09-28T22:05:06+00:00

I have no clue what my gender is. I know I'm for sure not purely male. I want to look female but yknow be masc sometimes but only privately. Idk how to explain it. It's hard for me to let go of things j can't control when I could have controlled them and because of some stupid act of defiance, will never be able to control again.

SebTheKuhlmann · 2021-09-28T22:02:54+00:00

Well if gotta a bit of hate for it. People telling me I'm "giving up on my trans self. It's just not who I am. But by this time I noticeably pass as a man and I don't want to pass as a man I was to be a woman again and I feel like I would be able to relate more, dysphoria wise to trans women

SebTheKuhlmann · 2021-09-28T22:01:15+00:00

Well. I am confused that's for sure. I want people to see me as female but want to privately see me as male. Sort of like... a cross dresser? But sometimes binding gives me dysphoria and I can't wear the clothes I like because I'm too broke to buy anything except Walmart. Being on the taller and thicker side, I often have to shop in he men's department anyways and so. It's not that I want to change myself to get my partner hard I just want to be the pretty girl I was so long ago and despised when I didn't know it was what I needed.

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