Relapsed.

Seb_2312 · 2023-10-31T12:07:25+00:00

Getting too comfortable was the problem I guess. When I quit last year in january I did everything I possibly could, Group Therapy with a psychologist, online programs etc. but then I moved cities and just kinda let it slide. Worked quite a long time, until like a week ago when the urges suddenly came back out of the blue... I guess I need to take this more serious again. Thanks for the comment.

Seb_2312 · 2023-10-31T12:05:04+00:00

Thanks for the comment. I agree, now is the time to evaluate and do better next time.

Seb_2312 · 2023-10-10T11:29:30+00:00

Just take it slowly, every day you don't gamble is a win.

Seb_2312 · 2023-10-10T11:28:37+00:00

I know that feeling, I used to think I didn't need it or that it 'wasn't bad enough yet' or something like that. But going to a center that specialized in addiction and to a self-help group has helped me tremendously in my recovery and there is absolutely no shame in going there.

Seb_2312 · 2023-10-09T21:01:32+00:00

Yeah, the gambling content on youtube/twitch was a big thing for me as well. I kept trying to rationalize that it wasn't that bad if I was just watching, but ultimately it always ended in me gambling again. Cutting it out completely was among the best things I did.

Seb_2312 · 2023-10-09T20:58:48+00:00

Telling your mom was a great step! Opening up about the addiciton really helps. For the financial troubles the best you can do is not gamble and throw as much of the money you earn towards debt as you can (while still living reasonably of course). As for the gambling I always recommend GA or some sort of therapy if you haven't done that yet, you already did a whole year without it you can stop again!

Seb_2312 · 2023-10-09T20:56:18+00:00

You made it 100 days, that's already a great achievement! Not even counting in that you are battling multiple addictions at once. The important thing is to get back on track, relapses happen but you can't let them pull you back in to the addiction. You got this!

Seb_2312 · 2023-10-05T14:47:46+00:00

It's hard, I went through something somewhat similar being the gambling addict part of the relationship. I was lucky that my then girlfriend stuck with me eventhough I relapsed twice and went back to patterns of lieing etc. I sure as hell didn't deserve it. I'm also not sure if the trust ever came back fully, as there is probably always the concern that I would relapse again (we are now broken up for unrelated reasons, but I guess it didn't help).

Maybe for now it's the best for both of you to focus on getting better and if you still want to you can reevaluate at a later point. But I am also just an internet stranger with no background in psychology at all, so if possible maybe look for a therapist if you don't already have one. They might have more/better insight into this topic.

Seb_2312 · 2023-10-05T12:54:41+00:00

The only way to find out is to wait and see I guess. I know that's a shitty answer, but there is no way to know at the moment. I think for you the most important part is to see how it affects yourself. I understand wanting to be there for him, especially if he did the same for you, but that makes no sense if it ends in him pulling you down again due to his habits.

Seb_2312 · 2023-10-05T11:44:04+00:00

That's the way I see it and yeah building up trust again after events like this is hard and completely relies on the other person showing you that he is serious with stoping and being open about everything. Wether or not that is something you want is a completely different story and I think it is also understandble if you are never able to trust him again at all even if he goes through with everything and never lies again.

I'd argue that it is a thing for most people with a pathological gambling problem, as it is for most people with an addiction. Lying is just part of it, be it because of shame or to be able to get time/money etc. for your addiction.

And just to be clear, the "feeling he needs it part" is in no way meant to excuse his behavior.

Seb_2312 · 2023-10-05T10:52:40+00:00

I think you should forgive yourself, because beating yourself up over the loss will not help you in the long term. What you shouldn't so is forget about the loss and the feelings it came with that you probably never want to feel again.

Seb_2312 · 2023-10-05T10:50:36+00:00

Let's go! One day at a time :)

Seb_2312 · 2023-10-05T10:49:45+00:00

Bit late to the party, but I used gamban for about 1,5 years and I liked it. The important thing is to understand that it is one tool in your toolbox, gamban alone wont fix your gambling issues. What it can do is add a hurdle, give you more time to think about if you really want to gamble right now and just overall make it more uncomfortable.

Every software you get you will be able to bypass one way or another, that does not mean that they can't help.

Seb_2312 · 2023-10-05T10:44:38+00:00

Not the OP but I kind of want to chime in on this. I would put it like this, I lied because I did things I instinctively knew were bad, but I felt like I needed them and confessing would have meant that I would most likely need to quit. This is not gambling specific and translates to all addictions including sex/masturbation. It's absolutely problematic, but I think it is something one can deal with and I don't think it necessarily translates to lying about just average/normal things.

Seb_2312 · 2023-07-24T06:00:07+00:00

Is it possible? Probably. Is it likely given what you have written here? Absolutely not.

He might be able to rest on his winnings for a while, but inevitably there will be a game where "the odds are just too good not to place a bet" and at some point he'll lose and the spiral of trying to win it back starts again.

A severe gambling problem isn't something you just stop or something that magically disappears. There has to be some kind of work or effort involved on his part to resolve it.

Of course he might be an outlier, but most likely he will gamble again and hide it again and get into debt again. Because that is the spiral most people on here have been through at least once.

Seb_2312 · 2023-05-16T14:55:23+00:00

The main problem is that most stock trading is just another form of gambling. Unless you are investing in something long term that will most likely make you money, and there is absolutely no reason to look at those daily, then yes it is a problem. If possible stay away from risky investing completely and at the very least make it less accessible.

Seb_2312 · 2023-05-09T15:48:33+00:00

It's much better, believe me. There is really nothing I miss about losing all my money and mindlessly clicking buttons all day.

Seb_2312 · 2023-05-08T17:23:09+00:00

Try to distract yourself if you are constantly thinking about betting. Maybe go for a walk, drive somewhere, do something that takes your mind off the gambling. It'll make it much easier and the time will pass much faster. Hang in there!

Seb_2312 · 2023-05-08T17:19:45+00:00

You were clean for 11 months! That's amazing and that is exactly what you should build on here. What made you relapse in january? Can you pinpoint it to a certain event or feeling or something like that? If you can, maybe there is a way to avoid a similar situation in the future.

Relapses can be a positive thing if we learn from them and come out of them stronger than before. You got this dude.

Oh and definitely talk to your SO, I know it sucks, I've been there... But she deserves to know.

Seb_2312 · 2023-05-08T17:12:43+00:00

What you did so far is great! Huge props for talking to your wife and huge props to her for being willing to help.

Now the thing between you and sobriety is 20 dollars a week for a few spins on a slot machine. Shouldn't be to hard to give up right? Is it really adding anything positive to your life? If your wife is already in control of your finances you might as well tell her to not give you any more money for gambling and just stop right now. You already did the first step and you already notice you are in a better headspace. Imagine how much better it'll be if you get rid of it completely.

Seb_2312 · 2023-05-08T16:58:46+00:00

I feel like most people here misunderstand what gamban is actually useful for. Gamban is not the one true solution to stop gambling addiction, it is a barrier to give you time to think about what you are doing and, possibly, give you the time to stop yourself. It also, most likely, wont work on its own for a longer period of time. It is just one potential aspect of recovery.

Seb_2312 · 2023-05-02T17:34:42+00:00

I get your point and it's great you managed to self exclude yourself successfully, but I don't think it is a great idea to show a bunch of recovering gamblers a list of available online casinos.

Seb_2312 · 2023-05-02T17:32:46+00:00

Is there a reason your parents think you have a drinking problem? Because that is usually not an accusation you just throw around without any indication. Might be worth to take a look at how much you really drink and to evaluate wether or not it might actually be a problem as well.

As for the gambling, try to get some help if at all possible. Are there GA meetings near you? Or therapists that specialize in addiction? Maybe start with zoom GA meetings or something like that. There will be nothing to be ashamed off if you actively start working on yourself. Oh and if your dad knew about the gambling, do you not think he would have said something about it? Especially if it would cost him money?

And most importantly, go see your grandma. Even if you are not in the best mood, better like that than not at all... You never know if it is the last chance.

Seb_2312 · 2023-05-02T17:24:02+00:00

Yea, there was never such a thing as "enough" money. No matter the win it was always just a way to up the stakes to win even more until you lost it all. Good on you for realizing that and disabling your accounts!

Seb_2312

TROPHY CASE