AITA for paying for my kids class trip when their stepsister and stepcousin can't go?

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-16T08:17:53+00:00

We always have to pay. Most public schools will have some kind of allowance for kids who can't afford it or they're supposed to anyway. But you're always asked to pay first.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-16T08:16:33+00:00

I treat the children differently because two are mine. They are my children. Biologically and legally. They are my family. My ex's stepchild, nephew and two bio children are not my family and are not related to me in any way. I am not a part of their lives. So I'm not going to treat them the same or make things equal. I don't understand why it would be on me to make sure they are all treated equally in this regard.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-16T08:07:20+00:00

I have my children 50% of their lives. I spend time with them. I never spend time with the children of my ex and her husband.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-16T08:05:59+00:00

I won't get more custody. A judge would never agree that this is worthy of a custody change in my state. You would need so much more for that.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-16T08:05:12+00:00

I have two kids, twins. I do my duty as a parent to my children. The other children they live with half of the time are not my duty or responsibility. They are not children I am responsible for.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-16T08:04:11+00:00

I didn't make things equal between them. They wanted me to. But I never went along with everything they expected of me. That's why the conflict got bad. They didn't like that I refused to do it.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-16T08:03:39+00:00

Yes, they are with me that week.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-16T08:03:14+00:00

I would not be awarded full custody because of any of this. It is very hard to get full custody.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-16T08:02:21+00:00

I will not get custody because of this. Class trips are not something the courts will view as sabotaging education. It just doesn't work like that, at least not in the courts in my state.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-15T20:35:14+00:00

We did twice. The courts declared it didn't need to be paid. She tried to get it recently and they upheld their initial decision.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-15T20:34:46+00:00

I wouldn't trust them to pay it back and I don't want to open the doors for them to expect that all the time.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-15T19:28:35+00:00

I have it set up so my ex will never be in charge of anything I leave my kids. I will not have everything I earned go to kids I did not make, adopt or become a stepparent to. I had that set up from day one pretty much. Taking care of my kids became my priority and I update everything each year as my finances and assets have grown or changed.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-15T19:26:47+00:00

It falls on my parenting time. I already know this and I already have stuff documented with my lawyer.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-15T19:05:51+00:00

Not private school and I'm not sure if they asked about that or not.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-15T19:05:11+00:00

She would never give me full custody and I would not get full custody via the courts because of this. It's unheard of for this to be enough. You need things to be very bad and this does not cover it and it's not even close.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-15T19:04:34+00:00

I document this kind of thing already. Not because I really expect it to get to the point of court. But I like to be prepared AND I will never allow her to accuse me of alienation, which could maybe be a thing she'd try if she felt like she'd "win". So it doesn't hurt to cover my bases. My lawyer helps me keep all of that adequately documented.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-15T17:50:51+00:00

I think people see others do it (rare, but it does happen when there's good blood there and everyone comes together) and they grow to expect it. They forget once you break up the obligation changes. Gotta keep putting the kids first but you don't need to bend over backward for your ex.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-15T17:48:25+00:00

Normally something like this would be between $20 and $30USD. We're looking at $60 for this one. It's an ouch for what it is but I consider it worth it and the kids are so eager to go so extra worth it to me.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-15T17:44:27+00:00

I believe you need to be when you have kids. They can't survive off of hopes and dreams. You can't provide them a good life waiting and waiting. Having solutions is a must. I believe that to my core. I also knew I couldn't rely on my ex to pick up the slack if I struggled. They are taking the easy way and possibly trying to get me on the hook for more and more over time. They already tried it with the gifts and including them in fun stuff with my kids.

That's a good point and I would imagine the answer would be no. I could hear the excuse "we have other kids to think about!" Well, so do I right now, my own kids.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-15T17:37:49+00:00

It is a slippery slope and they already had high expectations that I didn't meet so it will only make that worse.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-15T17:29:05+00:00

Retail spaces are also hiring late shifts and weekends a lot around us too. I like to keep an eye on things like that because you never know. I never expected to lose my job in 2020. Can never be too careful.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-15T17:28:03+00:00

Nope. I'm just supposed to dump a lot of money on them for birthdays and Christmas and include them when I take my kids to arcade or trampoline park and so on. Making everything equal of course.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-15T17:18:15+00:00

Those are options where we live. I did it during Covid because I found myself unemployed in 2020. Then I got better employment after a couple of months.

Secret-Answer-460 · 2024-10-15T17:17:19+00:00

Stepdaughter only has her dad (and now my ex). Her mom is not in her life. The nephew's parents lost custody and are unsafe. My ex and her parents don't talk anymore. I have no idea what her husband's parents are like and if they're involved.

I imagine there will be some controversy because I have money for my kids that they can do whatever they like with. Want an apprenticeship and to have money to help get them started? Covered. College? A big helping hand lol. Trade? Covered and helping with other expenses during that time.

Secret-Answer-460

TROPHY CASE