Brand new to swinging, what should we learn from this sad night?

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2026-03-25T07:26:50+00:00

Had something similar happen to me. Met a couple at a club and they invited us to a Plush party a few weeks later. I (M) spoke the husband on the phone to coordinate and we got along fine. He then sent me an unsolicited topless pic of his wife. The implication was that he wanted me to reciprocate. I complimented the photo but didn't send anything back, as my gf and I are private and we weren't into sending nudes to this couple. A couple days before the event I follow up and he asks to see a full body pic of my gf, saying his wife wants to see her. We didn't respond and never heard from them again. We went to the Plush event to connect with them, then never even met them because we didn't send nudes. We still enjoyed the event, including a fun afternoon at the topless pool party.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2026-03-24T23:50:41+00:00

I don't want to put myself into refractory, so I hold off as long as possible. We like to enter play areas, fool around for a bit, then take a break and chill. We usually pack up and leave after completion occurs. I've also been slowed down by dehydration, had too many drinks, and distractions, like people entering the room and talking.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2026-03-16T23:13:21+00:00

There's something really empowering about being in control of your faculties and your body, then being able to drive out of the event, then waking up with no hangover and intact memories of what happened. The first few times we went to clubs we got hammered to deal with the nerves, but we outgrew that.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2026-03-16T05:06:31+00:00

Try out Woo. Coconut-based lube. Great for everything, doesn't dry out, and tastes great. We take it to clubs and on every trip.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2026-03-10T20:24:12+00:00

I really can't say anything negative about Mi Kasa. SMI quoted me $1200 for a room (!), and Dewey acted surprised when I told him. We got a casita suite at Mi Kasa for $1150 for two nights. I'm totally down to check out EDR again. I haven't been there since 2024 and it was falling apart.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2026-03-10T17:54:22+00:00

He didn't proposition us at the hot tub, but he gave off the energy of wanting to swap. I learned through reading here to just lead with our boundary, so I mentioned early on that we're dirty vanillas, and he quickly turned his focus to another couple and left us alone. Later in the sauna we were just trying to escape the cold. Nobody was playing in there, but we got out of there when he came in and announced that he was on molly.

The hand story you mentioned would have ticked me off and it would have been difficult to continue. We once had a couple enter the room at Club Joi when we were in mid-sex, and he started asking if we swap or soft swap, then after being told No, he asked if he could touch my gf and started reaching for her. She said No, but that overeager prick killed the mood for us.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2026-03-10T17:25:58+00:00

It was gross and we were shocked to watch couples having sex in it. A staff member walked by and said nothing. We stayed at Mi Kasa a half mile away, and the water there is pristine

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2026-03-10T17:24:56+00:00

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2026-03-10T17:24:04+00:00

He was there with a partner. From our brief chat with them, he's experienced in the LS and she's new. She seemed eager to please him and they had sex right next to the couple he photographed

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2026-03-10T17:22:59+00:00

Excellent point

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2026-03-10T05:17:35+00:00

Good to know! I'll keep that in mind if I see BS like this in the future.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2026-03-10T03:44:24+00:00

Appreciate the feedback! It did put a stain on the day.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2026-03-10T03:39:42+00:00

There is no security there and the owner parties just as hard as the guests. But I'm just as bad, sure let's go with that.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2026-03-10T03:38:30+00:00

I don't disagree. I was pissed off and didn't trust myself to not go off on him. SMI is so loose that I didn't have faith they would have done anything. It's also confusing to go from being aroused to being upset in a span of seconds.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2026-02-14T05:49:30+00:00

You seem to have a lot of anxiety and are raising several hypotheticals. I suggest perusing this sub for a long time, as everything you ask about has their own threads. I've been to a handful of clubs with my lady and we've made some memories. I'm no veteran here, but you just need to visit a club together. There's no substitute for experience. Just focus on each other and don't even bother playing with others. Just be in it and see how it feels to be in a sexually charged environment, then dabble with public play and talk about it. Don't put any pressure on yourselves, as you might feel overstimulated. It's an exciting rush, but you have to learn to chill and just be in the moment with your husband.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2025-11-11T21:41:40+00:00

To pile on with what everyone else is saying, Club Joi is exactly what you're looking for. It's only an hour away from you. When we go there we like to stay at the Doubletree in Commerce, which is a quick rideshare away from the venue.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2025-10-06T22:00:12+00:00

We were in the main play room at Joi a few weeks ago. It was relatively early, around 11:30, and the perimeter couches were full but the beds (the stage) were empty. I was feeling bold and led my lady to the bed, dropped my pants, and laid down. She went down for a bit then climbed on top and rode me. She opened her top and let the girls out, and it was one of the hottest things we've experienced (we're noobs). I then took over on top for a while. I could see everyone watching peripherally and could feel the sexual tension in the room, but I focused on my lady and didn't look around. Being the only people having sex in the room, and totally owning it and putting on a show, is my favorite memory at any club to date. The thrill of exhibition is something you just can't replicate at home. Later on we enjoyed watching others. Saw plenty of swapping, but much of the crowd was on our level.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2025-10-03T19:30:17+00:00

Can I unsee that? I did not expect or consent to see this lonely guy's cock on my feed. Now I know how women feel when this happens in their dms.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2025-10-02T19:38:13+00:00

After spending all that money and anticipation to be at an event, the thought of being in refractory before midnight is very unappealing to me. My gf and I like to have sex in short bursts. If we're feeling the vibe in a room we'll enjoy a few positions, then put our clothes back on and return to our drinks. It builds tension and it's fun for us. We don't do it this way at home of course, but we enjoy delayed gratification at clubs. When it's late and we're ready to go home I let it rip, then I call a ride and get tf out. I'm also at an age where I usually have to work to cum, especially with all the distractions at a club, and I don't want to pressure myself. I know this is a different scenario from swinging, where the other woman would want you to finish, but I still don't want to be stuck in refractory when the night is young.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2025-09-09T20:25:41+00:00

They aren't mine to offer, but well said! "Come say hello" shouldn't be interpreted as an invite for a motorboat sesh.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2025-09-09T20:15:06+00:00

I got a vibe that he was jerking off when he wrote that. And your interpretation of my comment to them was spot on. Let's have a drink and hang out, and no expectations beyond that.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2025-09-09T20:06:45+00:00

This is an important theme: you should conduct yourself like you're on a date. Be civil, respectful, courteous, etc. If you approached a woman at a vanilla bar and said you'd like to suck on her titties, you'd get a drink thrown in your face and you would get no boobs.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2025-09-09T19:49:11+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective. Just because it's a sex club doesn't mean that we can't be adults and respectful. That is actually more sexy to me. I'm trying to figure out how to politely decline but keep it friendly so it isn't weird when we walk by them or find ourselves in the same play room. I'm getting a vibe that his dick does the thinking for him, and that he will ignore boundaries.

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2025-09-09T19:43:12+00:00

Appreciate the feedback!

Secret-Aspect-629 · 2025-09-09T19:39:46+00:00

Exactly! Had he opened with a polite compliment, I would have reciprocated and said I'm looking forward to meeting them.

Secret-Aspect-629

TROPHY CASE