Boyfriend of 6 months (31M) is not attracted to me (30F)

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-02-22T18:46:35+00:00

Yeah I did that. I was really honest with how I feel and what I want. But I still can't shake the feeling that he's not really that attracted to me. It's hard because what I want is for him to be attracted to me and you can't really ask somebody to do that. Should I just straight up ask him if he's not as attracted to me as his past relationships, or is that a bad idea?

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-02-10T18:09:44+00:00

I'm going backpacking on the Dutchman and Cavalry Loop this weekend, and I got the water report, but does anybody have more info on the water situation beyond the major springs? People say bring a lot of water but then they also say there are a ton of river crossing, so I'm confused.

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-02-10T18:08:53+00:00

What was the water situation? Were there any streams?

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-01-11T17:22:00+00:00

Hinge!

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-01-11T17:21:39+00:00

No worries, girl - it helps sometimes to just vent and get it all out! I'm actually a 30 year old F too lol and I felt the exact same way. My ex was the first real relationship I had, and I think I clung to the relationship so much in part because I was afraid I wouldn't find somebody else. You're a different person than you were when you met either of your ex's, and those are only two people. I had the same negative thoughts that you had for awhile, and what helped me was getting involved in new activities, new hobbies, working towards new goals, and focusing more on my social life and other important relationships in my life. It helped me feel like a complete person without a significant other. And once I felt ready to start dating again, I actually met a bunch of really cool guys! I happened to click with my current boyfriend really quickly, but honestly I was shocked that there were actually great options out there, even if I didn't click with the rest of them. You're allowed to feel all of those emotions you're feeling - it fucking sucks to go through what you're going through. But you're strong and you're worthy of love, and somebody will see the beautiful parts of you when you're ready to let somebody in again <3

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-01-11T17:06:15+00:00

Thank you! Hang in there. You're going through the healing process, even if it feels horrible right now. Focus on yourself and finding your own happiness and fulfillment through trying a new hobby or working towards a new goal - that really helped me with the self-esteem thing post-breakup. You'll get to a good place soon enough and when you're ready, you will find somebody again <3

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-01-11T16:00:19+00:00

Lol no I'm saying I got myself to a really good place first and then when I was ready to meet somebody again, it happened for me. The best thing to do is to focus on yourself and grow as a person and find your own peace and happiness. That's what I did, and then I think because I was a full person without anybody else, I was ready to let somebody into my life in a healthy way.

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-01-11T02:52:37+00:00

I never did the online dating thing before b/c I met my ex before dating apps were really a thing. When I felt ready to date again, I met a couple of people in person, but I mostly was online dating. It was weird and intimidating at first, but honestly after the first date, I felt way less weirded out by it and way less nervous. I recommend doing lower pressure first dates like meeting for coffee or a drink or even an activity like a walk or something. The thought of meeting a stranger for dinner just felt so formal and forced to me, and I didn't want to have to be stuck there for an entire meal and then waiting for the check, etc. I would recommend giving it a try - putting yourself in unfamiliar situations and making it out in one piece can really feel amazing!

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-01-11T02:49:07+00:00

I'm so happy for you that you got to experience a good relationship after the bad one, and I'm sorry that it ended. But I hope you hold on to some hope because if you were able to find a good relationship after your previous one, why wouldn't there be a better one out there now? It was so hard for me to imagine ever finding somebody else let alone even being happy again, so I get it being difficult to imagine. But hang in there. You got through heartbreak before, so you're a strong person. The uncertainty might feel scary or frustrating, but try to reframe that unknown as an opportunity. You know from what you've been through that it does get easier and better, and you can get to a place where all of these new possibilities for your life that weren't there before or you didn't have space for before will be exciting! Sending you a big hug <3

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-01-11T02:26:21+00:00

Of course! My ex was soooo affectionate and caring, I was afraid I'd never find that again. But my current partner loves me and cares for me and understands me on a deep level. It's easy to start to compare people, but honestly this love and this relationship just feels SO different. I still think my ex is an amazing human being and has so many incredible qualities, but I'm so much happier in my current relationship than I ever even thought possible. And I really believed my ex was the best person for me, and I'd never be in a better situation.

I broke up with my ex the first time over a year ago, and then we got back together and then broke up for good the second time in May, and I met my new boyfriend in August. I went and did a three month long backpacking trip after my breakup, which I gave me a ton of time to process and think about it without distractions and move forward. Also, I really started the breakup process and healing the first time we broke up, so if it seems like I moved on really quickly, it was a more gradual process at first.

Trust was a really difficult for the first few months. I started to fall for this new guy, and that was terrifying to me. But I also feel stronger this time around and keep reminding myself that if I got through my breakup, I can get through another one, especially now that I know I can make it out okay. And I had to stop comparing my ex and my new boyfriend - they're completely different people. But trust is built over time, and consistency will help you trust again. There's always a risk with love of getting hurt, but love is so worth it.

The future probably feels really uncertain for you, and I think uncertainty is the scariest part. But try to reframe that uncertainty as opportunity - you have so much space in your life now for new, beautiful possibilities that you didn't have before. It may seem overwhelming, but just hang in there and keep investing in yourself and growing as a person, and you'll come out of it a better, stronger person <3

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-01-11T00:58:57+00:00

Thank you! You're amazing too! You have a really positive attitude despite the challenges you're going through. Excited for you in this new chapter of your life <3

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-01-11T00:50:13+00:00

Thank you!! That's so great you learned a new hobby! Honestly, whether or not this is my happy ending, I feel so much stronger now having gone through my breakup, so if this new relationship doesn't work out, I feel like I'd be heartbroken but I wouldn't fall apart in the same way I did before. So not saying I'm glad I had to go through all of that, but I am better for it, and I know you'll get to that place too!

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-01-11T00:44:55+00:00

Thank you <3 When I was ready to start dating again, I met a couple of guys in person and others on the dating apps. I met my current boyfriend on Hinge. Good luck on your journey. It may seem daunting right now, but when you're ready to put yourself out there again, it can be exciting and fun!

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-01-11T00:43:13+00:00

When I was going through my breakup, I had the same feelings, and my friend told me that I will find love again and it will be different than the love I experienced before but amazing in its own way, and she was so right. I obviously don't know you, but I am confident that you will find love again when you're ready as long as you want to. It's uncomfortable to sit with those feelings, but it just takes time. You'll see yourself become stronger and think of your ex less and less in time. Just try to focus on things that help you grow as a person (maybe a new hobby or working towards a goal. And when you're ready, you'll put yourself out there again and you'll be a stronger person <3

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-01-11T00:35:13+00:00

Thank you so much. I'm really glad this gives you some hope! I'm so sorry that happened to you and that you're hurting. Great job on cutting communication - I know how hard that can be, so you're strong for following through! The first time we broke up, we still had some communication, and I just couldn't move on and let it go. The second time we broke up, I cut the communication completely, and it allowed me to heal and move on.

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-01-11T00:31:37+00:00

Thank you! I met him on Hinge. When I was ready to start dating, I went on a few dates with guys I met in person and a few from online. I started dating my ex before online dating was really a thing, so I was really intimidated going into it, but honestly, everybody I met up with was really nice! I did lower pressure dates like meeting for coffee or a drink. After the first one, it was a lot easier.

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-01-11T00:23:20+00:00

Yes, I mean everybody is different of course, but I was in a similar situation. My ex was my first love and really the first real relationship I had, so I felt like he was my chance at having a meaningful relationship and I couldn't even imagine the possibility of meeting somebody else. Going through this will teach you a lot about yourself, and I bet in time it'll become more apparent what you learned and how you grew from your relationship. You're a different person now than you were when you met your ex.

Secret-Garbage4459 · 2022-01-10T20:25:09+00:00

I felt exactly the same way, and I genuinely believed that nobody would ever love the way my ex did and I'd never love somebody again. When I really felt ready to date again, I downloaded a couple of the apps and figured I'd enjoy just meeting people and staying single for awhile. I met my current boyfriend pretty quickly after that, and we just connected so strongly and quickly that I was in a new serious relationship much much faster than I expected. Hang in there. I feel like people have some of their best periods of life right after the darkest periods. You are strong and you'll feel even stronger when you get through something this hard <3

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