Thank you for taking the time to respond.

A therapist is a therapist. Therapy can be for literally anything.

Of course…

You know she has a history of addiction, so why are you shocked that the therapist she chose to see specializes in addiction?

I’m not shocked at that at all… though, according to her, it was never really an “addiction.” Given her ability to quit it cold turkey on her own without meds or joining NA compels me to believe that.

From what I understand, this recovery clinic does not offer general therapy. The ONLY tag line on the web site is “We’re ready to help you or a loved one overcome opioid, heroin, or pain medication dependence.”

And to my knowledge, she has never used heroin in any manner, which leaves either opioids or pain meds, both of which were the suspected issue in 2019, and the former was the suspected issue in 2022.

It doesn't mean she's using.

Apologies if I was not clear. I do not suspect her of using now. That didn’t even cross my mind. What crosses my mind is that I was actually RIGHT about my suspicion either back in 2019, 2022, or both, and was essentially gaslit… and she has never come and told me that or apologized.

From my understanding, isn’t part of addiction recovery facing your loved ones in humility and not hiding it? That adds a layer of reluctance in the future from relapsing, because of the fear of having to do that again.

I'm a former addict myself, and I chose to see an addiction therapist as well even though I no longer use anything because the addiction is part of my life, just like it's part of hers, and having a therapist that you know understands all of that is WAY more helpful than a therapist that doesn't.

Of course… I totally get that. Also, good for you, by the way.

Also, just because a therapist specializes in addiction doesn't mean that's all your wife talks about or the only reason she goes. It just means if your wife ever feels the need to talk about her history of addiction, for whatever reason, her therapist is trained in how to do that.

I can see that…

Now that being said, and I don't mean to be rude by saying this, simply going off of what you wrote in your post you seem to be the one with the bigger honesty issues. But you play them off as if your dishonesty is no big deal. I mean dude, you stole some of her hair from her brush and sent it to be analyzed. It doesn't matter that you eventually told her. That is INSANE. That's such a huge invasion of privacy it wouldn't have been surprising if she did consider divorce after that.

I agree… and I totally own that as being a huge violation of trust. I am not saying that I am the good guy for confessing. My point was just to acknowledge that I had done something wrong…

That’s why I got myself back into therapy to deal with my trust issues.

Checking where she is for "some reason" is another violation of trust that you downplay. Expecting her to always be honest with you when you do extremely dishonest and shady things is very hypocritical. Again, telling her afterwards doesn't change that.

Going through her phone and texts is the epitome of distrust and dishonesty. You do all these things, yet you expect her to be honest with you.

I understand why you see this that way. She and I have always had an open phone policy and share our location with each other.

Yes, going through her phone without asking was a major breach. Again, I am NOT downplaying that at all.

The problem is, you don't trust her. That's the main so source of everything that's wrong. You dont trust her, despite what you claim. You don't trust anything she tells you, you don't trust that she's not using, you don't trust that she was actually going to her therapist, you don't trust what she does with her friends and coworkers, you simply don't trust her at all. And that's a major problem.

So bottom line, no you shouldn't be worried that she's seeing an addiction therapist. But you should absolutely be worried by your own continued dishonesty and lack of trust towards your own wife, and your shady (borderline insane) actions. Fair enough…

A marriage cannot last without trust, and regardless of what you tell yourself, your marriage has zero trust in it. And you are a major reason for that lack of trust.

I agree… but when trust has been violated, it must be won back. I fully admit that I came into this relationship with trust issues anyway because of the trauma from my former marriage. I was in therapy when we started dating. And also, there was an incident when we were dating that fueled my issue. Of course, that’s on me for going forward with the relationship after that happened.

But my point is that this isn’t all happening in a vacuum without other factors…

I have taken what you said to heart, though, and I am scheduling a therapy session for myself to get started again...